Two years ago tomorrow I married my best friend...the man I had waited my whole life for. I knew from the start that he was "it". I was married two times before this. Yes, the ugly "D" word. Twice. The first time I got married was because I was pregnant and I knew without a doubt that it was wrong. The second time was to have a father for my children and I knew in my heart that it too was wrong. Marriages that start out for the wrong reasons usually end...and they end not very well. It's not like I didn't try. I gave it everything I had, plus more. I stayed both times way longer than I should have...all in the name of avoiding the big "D". I thought I was protecting my children, when really they were even more miserable then I was.
The thing is, I had never taken care of myself or looked at what was in my best interest. Ever. Life has a way of bringing you through things over and over again until you "get it". I needed to learn the lesson of loving myself and loving myself alone...getting to know "me" without being in a relationship. I expected guys to "fix" all the crap that was inside of me. That wasn't fair to them or to me. So, I stopped. I stopped and was just alone with myself...and I learned to love myself. At times I was miserable...very lonely...and then ever so slowly I began to evolve...for the first time ever, I was alone and happy. I was single 6 years before I met my husband. I never planned on getting married again...I wasn't even looking for him and then there he was in front of me...and I knew...we both knew, this was "it".
I cannot imagine my life without him. These last two years have been amazing. It seems like he has always been here with me. He has been so great to my kids and they love him. Three weeks after we got married we started on the roller coaster ride of becoming parents to our 2 grandchildren. This was not part of our plans. Yes, we have been through some tough things these last 2 years and honestly, we are going through more now as I write this...but these things have only made us stronger...we are a team that can not be broken.
I sit here in the quietness of my home and reflect on all of this...where I have been and how far I have come. How much of a gift he is to me...every day. How excited I was two years ago because I was marrying this great man...how excited I am still today that this great man is mine.