There is nothing like getting kicked when I'm already down. If you have read any of my previous posts, then you know I have been going through some touch times lately. Someone I love and care for has been the cause of much hurt and heart ache in my life. I have taken my share of sucker punches in my past but when it comes from someone I love, it seems to sting a little bit more. This time it has knocked me to the ground.
When someone you love makes choices to hurt themselves, it is hard enough to handle...I have to continuously let go...but when those choices affect the children involved, it is another story. I have given up the last 2 years of my life...changed it completely to protect and love. This is a choice I made willingly and a choice I do NOT regret. I just did not know that this person would intentionally hurt me in the process...and continuously so. I thought in time it would get better...easier to handle...it's not.
I do not understand meanness...intentional meanness for no reason whatsoever is absurd to me. It is like a foreign language to me...it is not part of my nature. No matter how much I try to understand, I just don't get it. I try to suck it up...pretend that this doesn't hurt me and you know most of the time I am pretty damn good at it but there are times I just have had enough. This is one of those times.
I will catch my breath. I will get back up...maybe not today or tomorrow but I WILL get back up. I will NEVER stop fighting for the rights of my two little people to have a normal, loving, happy, safe and sane life. I will never stop giving this to them, as long as I am given the rights to. As long as I am doing this, I will have to deal with this person hurting me. I am stronger and bigger than this. I have to be...if I'm not, I have everything to lose.