Wednesday, June 11, 2008
My Youngest Son
Today is my youngest son's 19th birthday. I cannot believe that this gift, in the form of my son, has been with me for 19 years. He was my toughest, hardest gift to raise. Had he been my first child, he would have been an only child. I named him after my brother who is one of my very best friends. He too, was a hard child, a difficult child, so maybe it's the name. Both of them ended up to be amazing men.
This is the son that I wasn't really suppose to have...the child I never planned on having. He was 10 lbs. when he was born and he never wanted to stop eating. Ever. I swear to God that all I ever did was feed him. This son of mine is the one that tested me beyond my limits. He pushed me daily and he challenged me in every parenting tool I had ever learned up to this point and after. Every day was a new adventure with him and there was nothing stopping him from going for what he wanted...not even me. He feared nothing.
So yeah, parenting him was a lot of work...he never learned the first time, second, third or fourth times either. Parenting him made me doubt myself and my ability to parent. He tested all my parenting techniques that had worked on the others but I persevered...I pressed on towards the goal of raising him to be a nice, upstanding, respectful, loving, kind young man. Today, he is all these things plus more.
When I was in the middle of all that parenting it felt like it would last forever...I thought this time would never come but here we are now...he is 19 years old...he has just graduated from high school and in 2 days he will drive over 2000 miles away from me to start a new life. This is the time that I waited for, way back when...in the middle of all the dirty work of parenting, I could hardly wait for it to be over...and here I am wishing I could go back...just to hold my baby one more time.
He is an amazing young man. He never ceases to amaze me. He is all the things I had hoped for plus more. He is way more than what I imagined him to be. He like his siblings raised me up as his mother...he helped train and test me to be the mother that I am...he was my final test. I look at him in awe...and wonder how someone so great could have come from me.
I cannot imagine my life without him. I don't want to know a life without him. How precious his life has been to mine and so many others. He has made me better in so many ways. I celebrate him today...his life and all that he stands for...for the gift that he is to me every day. I know he is going to do wonderful things in his life...I know his future holds many adventures for him and that he will, like the first 19 years of his life, live it to the limits and not let anything stand in his way from reaching his goals.
Happy Birthday my dear dear son...don't ever stop being all that you are...don't ever stop believing in yourself and your abilities. Always remember your worth and value and don't ever let anyone make you think that you are less then you are. Remember mistakes are not failures...they are opportunities to learn and to try again. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop loving you and supporting you...please don't ever doubt this. This day is a celebration of your life...of who and all that you are. I could not be prouder of you, not because of how smart you are or how good you did at sports but because of who you are.
Dear son of mine, you are precious to me...you bring such joy to my heart and soul...you are a constant gift to me. Thank you for all that you have given me. You, my last born, are the perfect ending. I love you with all my heart...all the way to the moon and back.