In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I am not an evil step mother

You have probably noticed that I don't post any pictures of my step daughter nor do I write about her very often. I have been judged on both sides of this issue so this is a sensitive subject matter for me. Someone asked me about this recently and I want to clarify that I do love and care about her but she is the source of A LOT of pain in my life. She has chosen to not be a part of our least not in any positive ways. She is the one that gave birth to the two children we are now raising...she chose to walk away and give us the responsibility for them.

When I married her father she already had our grandson who is now 3 years old. She struggled with parenting him and then became pregnant with our granddaughter who is almost 2 years old. Plain and simple, it was too much for her. To set the record straight we did everything possible to support her and be there for her. Quite honestly I felt sorry for her. She pulled me into her web of deceit and manipulations...quite honestly she ate me alive. Even though her father tried to warn me, I did not listen to him...thus I was pulled into her world. I thought I could help her...I thought my love could make a difference...thus giving her the ability to function as a mommy and a member of society. I was WRONG.

As long as I was playing her game...meaning taking care of her children ALL of the time, not calling her out on her lies and deceit, turning my head to what she was doing with her life and her children, there was no problems, at least for her anyways. When I finally seen the light so to speak I knew that we could not continue living this way. I had reached the "enough" bridge...something had to give. My husband had reached the "enough" bridge long before I did so he was more than ready to confront this situation. Confronting her led to her admitting that she could not handle parenting and that she needed to get her life together. That is what she set out to do. That is NOT what has happened.

Her idea of getting her life together was moving out of state and now to another state. She has done NONE of the things she needs to do to improve her life. She continues to wear proudly the victim crown. Her idea of changing her life was to get pregnant again. In a couple of months there will be another baby thrown into this mess. My heart is broken over this. I worry about this baby more than anything. I do not want to raise another baby. Yet I don't want this baby to be neglected or unloved or feel unwanted. I struggle with my feelings towards her...I am angry...I am hurt.

Most people don't understand. Some people blame us...judge us, the parents, for raising a child into adulthood that would make choices such as these. Some people judge her and say some really mean things about her which honestly doesn't help either. In her defense, I feel that she loved her children enough to walk away from them, and give them to people that would love and care for them properly when she knew in her heart she couldn't. I will give that much to her.

I never tried to replace her mother. I never tried to take her father away from her. I did not take her children away from her. I did not give up on her. I am not an evil step mother. I don't write about her or post pictures of her because she is not a part of our lives for the most part and she is the source of so much pain. Please don't judge me, I am still in the process of figuring out what is best for everyone involved. In a perfect world things would be different but right now this is my life. These two little people that interrupted my life in such a big way are so loved and dear to me. For now this is my life interrupted.

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