My son came home from school this afternoon and gave me an unexpected gift of time to myself by taking my two little people to the park...thus giving me a chance to write something that I had been thinking about while I was at work today.
Since I wrote this morning before work, the thought hit me that this ache in my heart is so familiar because it is something I have felt since my daughters moved away from me. I never ever stop missing them. I used to believe that one day I would just get used to this...them living across the country from me. There's not a day that I don't think about them, that I don't feel their absence...weather it be a holiday or special family gathering, but as much on the ordinary days when I just want to give them a hug, see their smiling faces, or share an ordinary moment with them.
I think about all the years I got to parent them; teaching them, guiding, supporting them, trying to equip them for life...their life...their journey...always wanting them to believe in themselves...to believe that they could do anything they set out to do and that mistakes are not failures but something to learn from and to not let mistakes stop them from moving on...that the possibilities for their lives were endless. It goes with the saying I wanted to give them wings and teach them how to fly. I did the best I could to teach them all these things so that they as woman could fly all on their own.
In teaching them to fly, I didn't think about the possibility of them flying so far away from the nest...from me. Had I known then what I know now, would I have done things differently? Taught them to stay closer to home? The answer has to be no because they wouldn't be who they are today if it wasn't for them taking their own journey...their own flight to find their place in this world. I see their happiness...I see them figuring things out for themselves, doing things their way, following their dreams, forming their own ideas, finding the truth of who they are without the influence of mom...they are making their own inprint in this world and how can I not want that for them?
Sometimes life happens and our wings get wounded and we have to fly home for a time...just as my youngest daughter has done in flying back to the nest. I know this is just for a season of time...I know I must cherish this time with her while I have it because I know that soon her wings will be healed and she will be strong enough to fly away once again...stronger, wiser from having taken this time to humbly come home for healing. Will it be easier a second time? No, because this time her own baby bird, my sweet precious grandson will fly away with her. I must continue to love, teach, support and believe in her so that she can be strong enough to do it all on her own.
I see these amazing young women that are constantly evolving into themselves...their uniquness, those special little things that make them who they are remain the same...they just become more beautiful as they mature....these loving, strong couragous women that I stand in awe of make my heart smile every day. I grew up with these daughters of mine...they have taught me so much in my journey as a mom...they have raised me to be the mother I am today.
Thank you dear daughters of mine...for all that you have taught me(and continue to teach me), for the never ending grace that you have bestowed upon me time and time again. You are women of character and true beauty and it is an honor to be called your mom. I love you to the moon and back. XXXOOO
1 comment:
Ohh mother.
I am so glad you finaly got a blog, a place to express yourself, a place of freedom. :) Thank you for takeing care of me, holding me, kissing my boo boos and helping me get strong. It is with your help that i'm slowly building up my strength. You have taught me to keep going, you have made me a fighter. I love you mommy :)
britt
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