Today is my last day with my daughter and grandson, before they leave to live in Florida for the next year. I am off from work today so that I can spend as much time with them as possible. I want this day to stand still so that I can soak up their hugs and kisses, smiles and voices. I hate goodbye’s…especially when I don’t know when I will get to see them again. I hate endings…well, most of them anyways...and while this is an ending, it is also a new beginning for them.
Friday, will be my last day of working at the school. The last five years of working there, running the daycare, has been a wonderful opportunity, but, it’s time for me to move on. Running the daycare was my official job but I did so much more than that. I assisted the teachers and office staff whenever possible and I was the support person for the young parents…it was also a running joke that I was the unofficial, unpaid counselor. While the pay wasn’t very good, they did allow me to bring my little people with me to work, which was such a blessing. My little people needed the security of being with me and over the last 2 ½ years, they have been built up to finally be secure enough to believe that if I do leave them, I always come back…even if I have seldom left them, they now know I am going no where. They are stuck with me!
About 3 weeks ago, a job opportunity as a personal care attendant, was offered to me. It offers me more money and more hours of work, and is something I have been interested in doing and fits within my physical restrictions. So, after meeting with my QRC, and my doctor, I got the approval needed to actually pursue this job. After meeting with the agency offering the employment, the woman I will be assisting, and finding a daycare to take my little people, I gave my two weeks notice at my present employment. Life has been crazy, as I worked to put all these pieces together. I know that it’s the right thing because everything has come together perfectly and without problems.
While my work is sad about me leaving, they have been very supportive. They understand I need to make this move not only because of needing more hours and money, but because they realize that I have been burning out. With the economy and budget cuts looming over us, it is a possibility that my position would be cut eventually. At this point they have not hired anyone to replace me and they may not be, which makes me sad for everyone involved. Since the school is small and not like your typical school, all of the staff that work there are close. It has been like being a part of a family and they have been wonderful and supportive to my little people and I.
The young mom’s and girl’s I mentor are quite sad and taking this hard. They feel like I am deserting them, even though they know they will still have opportunities to see me and I will still be doing a support group with them. They are acting like I am dying which makes me feel sad and guilty, yet I know it’s time for me to move on. I know this is what is best and yet I am sad to be leaving such a wonderful place…a place that I have been able to use the gifts God has given me. I still have a passion for teen parents and their children and I still have dreams of opening a Second Chance Home in my future. For now, I need to do something that gives me a break from the constant giving, the emotional drainage, and children.
This is the first time I will be leaving little ones at a daycare. I’ve always been the daycare and while it’s hard to imagine not spending my days endlessly caring for children, I am ready for something different. I am looking forward to adult conversation, getting out of my comfort zone, and doing something other than changing diapers, getting spit up on, singing kid songs and rocking babies. Not that there is anything wrong with doing those things…I just know that right now, I need something more.
I am not looking forward to saying goodbye to my daughter and grandson early tomorrow morning and saying goodbye to a job that I loved on Friday and I am sure that come Monday, when I am dropping my little ones off at daycare for the first time, I will cry as I drive away from them. I will wrap my arms around courage as I face these endings and new beginnings. Change is a coming and it will be good…at least that is what I keep telling myself.