Today is my last day with my daughter and grandson, before they leave to live in Florida for the next year. I am off from work today so that I can spend as much time with them as possible. I want this day to stand still so that I can soak up their hugs and kisses, smiles and voices. I hate goodbye’s…especially when I don’t know when I will get to see them again. I hate endings…well, most of them anyways...and while this is an ending, it is also a new beginning for them.
Friday, will be my last day of working at the school. The last five years of working there, running the daycare, has been a wonderful opportunity, but, it’s time for me to move on. Running the daycare was my official job but I did so much more than that. I assisted the teachers and office staff whenever possible and I was the support person for the young parents…it was also a running joke that I was the unofficial, unpaid counselor. While the pay wasn’t very good, they did allow me to bring my little people with me to work, which was such a blessing. My little people needed the security of being with me and over the last 2 ½ years, they have been built up to finally be secure enough to believe that if I do leave them, I always come back…even if I have seldom left them, they now know I am going no where. They are stuck with me!
About 3 weeks ago, a job opportunity as a personal care attendant, was offered to me. It offers me more money and more hours of work, and is something I have been interested in doing and fits within my physical restrictions. So, after meeting with my QRC, and my doctor, I got the approval needed to actually pursue this job. After meeting with the agency offering the employment, the woman I will be assisting, and finding a daycare to take my little people, I gave my two weeks notice at my present employment. Life has been crazy, as I worked to put all these pieces together. I know that it’s the right thing because everything has come together perfectly and without problems.
While my work is sad about me leaving, they have been very supportive. They understand I need to make this move not only because of needing more hours and money, but because they realize that I have been burning out. With the economy and budget cuts looming over us, it is a possibility that my position would be cut eventually. At this point they have not hired anyone to replace me and they may not be, which makes me sad for everyone involved. Since the school is small and not like your typical school, all of the staff that work there are close. It has been like being a part of a family and they have been wonderful and supportive to my little people and I.
The young mom’s and girl’s I mentor are quite sad and taking this hard. They feel like I am deserting them, even though they know they will still have opportunities to see me and I will still be doing a support group with them. They are acting like I am dying which makes me feel sad and guilty, yet I know it’s time for me to move on. I know this is what is best and yet I am sad to be leaving such a wonderful place…a place that I have been able to use the gifts God has given me. I still have a passion for teen parents and their children and I still have dreams of opening a Second Chance Home in my future. For now, I need to do something that gives me a break from the constant giving, the emotional drainage, and children.
This is the first time I will be leaving little ones at a daycare. I’ve always been the daycare and while it’s hard to imagine not spending my days endlessly caring for children, I am ready for something different. I am looking forward to adult conversation, getting out of my comfort zone, and doing something other than changing diapers, getting spit up on, singing kid songs and rocking babies. Not that there is anything wrong with doing those things…I just know that right now, I need something more.
I am not looking forward to saying goodbye to my daughter and grandson early tomorrow morning and saying goodbye to a job that I loved on Friday and I am sure that come Monday, when I am dropping my little ones off at daycare for the first time, I will cry as I drive away from them. I will wrap my arms around courage as I face these endings and new beginnings. Change is a coming and it will be good…at least that is what I keep telling myself.
12 comments:
Wow, you really have a lot going on...and yes, change can be a very good thing. Not your Daughter leaving of course, but that may be good for HER. :)
Your new job sounds great....I understand about being sad about leaving and about leaving the kids in daycare....but really, this sounds like just what you need. You will be able to enjoy and appreciate them more when you are away from them for some time...you know this to be true also. ANd it never hurts to make more money...just don't let this interefere w/ your blogging. Ok, don't get crazy. :)
take care,
suz
There's change, and then there's upheaval. I believe this is best classified as the latter.
I know that someday I will leave my current employer (of over eight years now) and when I do it will be like I am dying. We spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping, and 1/3 at work... it's inevitable that we become attached.
However, making the decision to leave for a situation that better suits you is a good one, and a wise one.
Good luck with all this. I know you'll be fine in the end, bumps in the road aside.
Change is quite the understatement. I will be thinking of you in the days to come.
This new change sounds very exciting. I'm excited for you. I know you'll be great in your new job and while they will miss you at the school, they will come to see you have to do what you have to do. You're no abandoning them. I hope this means you'll come to Florida again even sooner. We need to have that cup of coffee (laced) or a Margarita and a Hip Hop Booty class.
Hey, if you go to Florida to see your daughter and SMB you can stop off in Oklahoma and see me. We'll get you all perked up for the rest of your trip.
I know this is hard for you but you are looking toward the future and that is a good thing. The little ones will adjust better than you will and it sounds like this is an exciting chance for you to grow as well as de-stress. Take care my friend. I'll keep you in my prayers.
So much happening for you...things will be interesting for you and your family for the next little while. It makes me smile thinking that your little ones may feel the need to explain to their new daycare the 'right' way to do things...ie as in how you used to do it...
perhaps you will need to tell us more about this Second Chance home, that sound intriguing...
Admiring your courage to make the changes you know in your heart you need...
you will be just fine, i think this change is going to be soooo good for you. your little ones will be fine, you have taught them well, and being they have been able to go to the day care where you work, they have a feeling that being around alot of children is typical for them. you'll be okay. good luck with your new job, i also think you will love it. i cleaned for an elderly couple one time for many months and they were interesting people, it seemed they enjoyed my company as well as my cleaning. it was pretty cool.
i feel bad your daughter and little one will be leaving you. i too have a problem having my children away from me. i go thru withdrawls sometimes... it's okay to do that tho. it's just part of loving them, which i can not do enough of. take care my friend, best wishes with everything!!
hugs *cheryl*
With all of these changes happening in your life, be sure to find something that you can use as your "constant"...you may already have something for this, but this will be important.
Aw, good luck with the new job and I hope you get to see your grandkids again soon!
Wow. This is a lot of change. I am excited for you! You have made such a difference in the lives of the young mothers at your school. I know you will be able to continue to mentor and encourage them! I also know that you will find a whole new way of reaching out at your new job! I can't wait to hear about all the great things God is going to do in your life!
I guess ripping two band-aids off at the same time is better than separately. What a week for you. Except for your daughter leaving, which must be wrenching, the job change is a change you are initiating and should anticipate with relish. As you say, it's time for some adult conversation. It's good that you recognized it's time to move on before someone nudged you in that direction. All the best in your new career.
One thing, are you sure that you won't be changing diapers--I hear Depends can be quite popular with the mature set.
It will be good to have a job where you've got a little break from the little ones, and I think once the separation anxiety wears off, you'll enjoy your time. I only hope you don't end up giving care to someone like my in-laws. They don't want a caregiver....they want a maid who cooks malto-meal exactly like they do, knows exactly how to cook just like they use to and instinctively knows where everything belongs and, makes the bed without a single wrinkle, works in the garden, drives them to appointments, and spends the rest of their time finding something else to do. It frustrates HBL to no end because they've gone through so many people in the short time they've had in home care. They got furious at HBL when he let the caregiver go home a little early on Christmas Eve and their response was..."who will clean up this mess?" I said..."I will!!" They just glared at us. Ugh.........good luck.
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