I had planned on starting out the year with a post in regards to New Years resolutions and my hopes for this brand new year. It seems when I plan on doing something, life has a way of happening and interrupting my plans. I had not planned for 2008 to end the way it did nor did I plan for the first week of 2009 to be so tough. My life is full of interruptions and I have pretty much resigned myself to believing that these interruptions are just a part of my life. Thus the name of my blog. I never planned on being where I am at right now yet I believe I am where I am meant to be.
Fragrant Liar(formerly Nana Diaries) did this Embracing 2009 post on picking a word for this year and I have racked my brain to think of words that would be fitting for me, for this new year. Thistle did this post about taking baby steps by breaking her resolutions or goals for 2009 down into months, which is another great idea. In some way, I would like to combine the two idea’s.
The word that keeps coming back to me is courage. So I looked up the meaning and this is what I found. Courage; mental or moral strength to endure, persevere, and withstand danger, opposition, fear or difficulty, to have the courage of one’s convictions, to act in accordance with one’s belief, especially in spite of criticism…a firmness of mind and will in the face of danger or difficulty. The word “fortitude” was used to describe passive courage, and described as being able to encounter danger and endure pain with an unbroken spirit and strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage.
Courage…my word for 2009. Courage to stand behind the decisions I’ve made surrounding raising these two little people. Courage to keep loving them, even though I may not always have them. Courage to face evil and not waver under it’s wrath. Courage to stand up for what is right, and true.
Courage to face my pain and the realities it holds for my life. Courage to face my limitations and not give up because of them. Courage to find a new way instead of living defeated. Courage to take the next step in the area of work, even if it means getting a new job…the courage to do something new, different and better. Courage to do those things my heart desires to do, even if I am afraid of failure. Courage to say yes, when I mean yes, and no, when I mean no. Courage to take risks. Risks that might mean mistakes or failures.
Courage to stand up for myself and what I believe. Courage to step out of my comfort zone in the many area’s of my life. Courage to keep choosing the path of love and grace. Courage to keep moving towards healing and not wallowing in self pity. Courage to face circumstances that are beyond my control with dignity and grace, by either walking away or standing up to them. Courage to continue letting go of my children … not hanging on to these incredible people that need to be free to fly on their own. Courage to let go of those things that need to be put to rest.
Courage to keep choosing love over hate. Courage to continue choosing forgiveness over bitter resentment, even in the face of pure evil. Even more, the courage to forgive myself. Courage to start saying no to old shame and false guilt. Courage to admit when am angry and not run from it or stuff it inside. Courage to let others do for me and the courage to ask for help. Courage to face my fears, both real and imagined. Courage to remain resilient in the eye of the storm.
Courage to live true to myself…courage to live authentically, even if it means I am not making “everyone” happy. I think part of being authentic is living or walking your talk and I am guilty of giving it out to everyone but myself, so having the courage to live what I say. Courage to look at myself in the mirror and accept those things I cannot change and the courage to change those things that honestly need to be changed, because it will make me healthier and better. Courage to step outside the box and live outloud. Courage to not be defined by my age, past or how others think I should be or confined by what or who I think I should be. I want the courage to be me all of the time.
I’m not sure how this will all play out over 2009. I don’t know what interruptions will find their way into my life but I do know that I will have courage to face them…one day at a time, one moment at a time and even if it means taking baby steps, courage will get me through the small interruptions that tend to fill my days or the unexpected big interruptions that try to kick my ass and everything else that falls in between. I am embracing courage in 2009!
What word or phrase would you pick for yourself?