My list

In the last few days, I have been working on making a list of those things I would like to change or put back in my life. After coming up with many things, I narrowed it down to ten.

1. Exercise-I feel better when I am working out and it helps with the pain. Yet I struggle because some of the exercises I want to do makes my pain worse and how hard I am able to work out is limited because of my injury. I did start yoga which I am loving and would like to pursue this further.

2. Eating healthy-I feel so much better when I am putting good things into my body. I have not drank pop for 3 weeks and have once again started drinking a lot of water.

3. Quit smoking completely-Even though I have cut down considerably in my efforts to quit. It is my number 1 stress reliever. I started smoking when I was very young and have quit for as long as 10 years. I started up again when things got very stressful this past year. It’s the first thing I go to when I am stressed and I need to find some other way to de-stress. As much as I hate smoking, part of me loves it still. I know this is not a good example for my children so I hate this factor the most.

4. Start a hobby. Everything I do pretty much is centered around being a mom, taking care of a house and my job. I never really have had a hobby EVER. In my eyes, the only things I have ever been any good at are caring for children, cleaning, cooking and laundry. I started this blog in order to start doing something I have always liked doing, which is writing. I am enjoying this and the many awesome people that I have met in the process. I know I need some other outlets though, but seriously, I don’t even know what I could do or would want to do. I have to be good at something other than cleaning toilets and changing diapers.

5. Work on my self image. I am very critical of myself and how I look. This should probably be at the top of my list of things I need to change because it hinders me in many aspects of my life. I know it frustrates the crap out of my husband and kids, because they look at me and see nothing wrong with me…they don’t see what I see. I seriously struggle with seeing myself in the same way that they or others see me. I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember but it seems to have gotten worse after I started going through menopause. I know I need to accept what giving birth and breast feeding multiple times did to my body…and that I am getting older. In no way,shape or form does this come from my husband, because he is very accepting of me and how I look. The thing is the root of this goes back to the days when I was starving myself as a young girl. I have never liked mirrors…never liked looking at myself. I know this is an issue but one I try to avoid and hate admitting to. Honestly, I don't even know how to go about changing this but I need to explore various avenues towards self acceptance.

6. Reading-I need to start taking the time to read something I enjoy…besides the zillions of children’s books that I read to my little people each day.

7. I need to have more time with just my husband. My husband is this amazing man and every second that I get to be with him is a gift to me. We get along very well and I think it has a lot to do with that we “get” each other. Time for just the two of us needs to become a priority for us because we don’t get time away for just the two of us. We took on our two little people at the start of our marriage two years ago and this has consumed our lives. In spite of how tough things have been at times in the last two years, we have made the best of things and stuck together as a team. We have a great relationship and we want to keep it this way. This means we need to start finding babysitters.

8. I would like to start volunteering again…to take the time to give of myself towards something that would be of benefit to others. I have had thoughts of starting a support group for young parents since this is a passion of mine. I also have thought about starting a pain support group as this would also benefit me. There are no such groups for either of these things in the area I live in but a great need for them.

9. Make connections with people. I have talked about being lonely and I need to do something about it. I used to make homemade breads, cookies and meals and then deliver it to people, as a way to reach out to them. I need to take the risk of stepping out of my comfort zone and start doing this again. I need to start putting myself in situations where I can meet people again and reconnect with those from my past.

10. Back to positive thinking. I am an optimistic person for the most part but in the last couple of years have gotten to thinking negatively…not always but way more than I like. My negativety tends to be directed at myself the most. I am going to start using positive daily affirmations to get back to a positive mind set. I am going to start a gratitude journal.

There are many more things I wanted to put on this list but realize that I can’t change everything at once and that some of these things need to change first, before I can take it to the next level. If any of you have any wisdom to share with me, that would assist me in working towards these changes, I would greatly appreciate your feedback.