Over the last many months we have been trying to reach a custody agreement over our grandchildren that we are raising, with my step daughter, without having to go through a long expensive court battle. We wanted to avoid putting our little people through any more than they have already been through. Plus the thought of having to fight our own daughter in court breaks our hearts. I have walked on egg shells for over a year, knowing that until things are legal we risk losing our little people. The fear that I have kept hidden deep in my heart has now become a reality.
This last Friday, we came to realize that we very likely don't have a choice as she has been unreasonable and unwilling to keep our original agreement. It is our lawyers recommendation that if we are willing to continue to raise our grandchildren that we should now go for full permanent custody because it is becoming more clear that she can not make decisions in the children's best interest. The original agreement had been for us to have temporary custody while she got her life together in another state and then we would hand them over to her once the children were able to transition over to her. She has done nothing to get her life together and tomorrow she will give birth to yet another baby.
We are waiting for answers from our lawyer to help us to decide what our next step should be. Over the next couple of days we will be making life altering decisions that will not only affect our little people but ourselves as well. It may be that we don't stand much of a chance in court...that when all is said and done after a long expensive court battle that we will be forced to hand them over. Would it be in the children's best interest to hand them over now?...instead of having them continue to bond with us in the year that it will most likely take for it to be over and then have to hand them over anyways?
I look at my little man and little lady and my heart screams NO...everything in me screams no but what is the right thing to do outside of our emotional attachment to these children? They have bonded with us and we with them. If you have read any of my early posts then you know the heart break we have been through and what we have given up in order to do this. They have been worth every sacrifice, every second of time that we have given, every ounce of love that we have poured into them. We have given them a normal, healthy, safe and loving home so that they have a chance for a good life. The thought of them losing this and having to watch them lose this, is our worst fear. This fear could come to be a reality in the near future.
I am at a loss of what to do right now...I keep willing myself to keep moving forward...to go through the actions of every day life but inside I am crying and scared to death of what the future holds for my little man and little lady. I cannot imagine having to hand them over before she is able to give them what they so deserve...I try not to think about it but it's pretty hard not to. This so fills my mind that I can not concentrate or focus...even writing this post is hard...trying to put words to all of this...yet I know writing will help me release it some and might help me make sense of everything in my head and heart.