Just as nature has changing seasons, I think we as human beings, go through seasons in our lives. I have stated in the past that I am going through lots of changes in my life...my life has been changing seasons so to speak...in learning to let go...learning to accept what has come into my life, weather it be two little people or the pain from my injury, so that I can move on to the next season. Just as it takes time for us to adapt to the changes that the new season brings, weather that be shoveling snow again or learning to live with those nasty mosquitoes, we too, take time to adapt to the new seasons in our lives. Since I have entered this new season of my life...this journey of figuring out my life...of trying to find "me" again...I am doing a lot of self reflection.
I am finding that I tend to be very hard on myself. While I can find grace and forgiveness for others, it is much harder to find this for myself. I also know that to truly change anything, we need to love ourselves, flaws and all, in the here and now. I am realizing that I don't always like or love myself...that I tend to see myself through a lens that is clouded with my flaws, mistakes, and my past…and most of the time, it is me, that doesn’t accept myself for who and what I am…it’s not so much other people that don’t accept me with my flaws or my past, it’s me. I am the one that stands in my way.
I was looking for something in a box yesterday afternoon and came across a paper, with a quote by Maya Angleou on it, that my very wise daughter had given me a few years ago. For a period of time that paper had hung on my refrigerator for me to read each day...in the process of moving a couple of years ago, that paper had went into a box, until I found it yesterday. It was meant for me to find this and once again it will go back up on my refrigerator.
This is what it says..."I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes-it is inevitable. But once you do see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, "well, if I'd known better I'd have done better," that's all.
So you say to people who you think you may have injured, "I'm sorry" and then you say to yourself, "I'm sorry". If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we are capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one owns self. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think of yourself. If you don't have that you never grow, you never learn, and sure as hell you should never teach. Maya Angleou
I am a work in progress. Right now, there are a lot of things that are standing between my face and the mirror. In striving to remove these things, I need to love, forgive and accept myself for who I am right now, in this moment. Someday, I want to stand in front of the mirror and like what I see...I want to see all that I am capable of being...I want to see my glory for all that it is.