This has been a hard Summer for me as I have been having to do a lot of letting go. Many changes have come with this letting go and I am still adjusting to all these changes in my life. We all are still trying to adjust. It hit me pretty hard when we left my daughter and grandson on Sunday morning...it hit me even harder as I listened to my 2 year old little lady say his name over and over, while sobbing, as we drove away without her little buddy sitting next to her in our van. When we got home 8 1/2 hours later, little lady ran through the house, calling for him, and when I had to remind her that he wasn't here, that he was at his new home, she cried for him. Little man didn't cry but he told me he was very sad and that he wanted A-man to come back home. Once I got them to sleep, I broke down as I walked through our home and the reality of his absence hit me.
Change is hard. I am not really sure how to handle all this change that has come this summer. Life is different...not bad, just different, enough to not feel "right" or good yet. Until the middle of June we had 7 people living in our home, now we are down to just the 4 of us. My older children have come for their visits and gone once again and it will be at least a year before they are able to come back. This doesn't seem real...not yet anyway, but I know eventually this will become normal.
This fall will be the first time in many years that I don't have school sports to attend...all 5 of my kids were active in sports and other school activities...my falls were spent going to Friday night football games and tennis matches...my winters were spent going to basketball games and wrestling matches, my springs, were spent watching baseball and track meets...add to that music concerts, plays, art shows...ect...I loved watching my kids have fun and be part of something they loved doing. I think back to all the times I complained because I always had to be some place and just wanted to stay home for once...now, I regret feeling that way...that part of my life is over and maybe part of me isn't ready for it to be over. Let it go...
Life goes on and I have living to do. I know that feeling burned out doesn't help with trying to figure all this out. I also know that there are positive things that will come out of all these changes taking place. I know that I will learn and grow from this and that in the end, it too, will make me a wiser and better person. Right now I am just trying to find myself...trying to catch my breath...trying to live in this moment and see where all this takes me.