In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Normal is Good

Life is settling down at our house,after the latest interruption. (Breathing a big sigh of relief.) The baby talk and the lashing out are almost gone. I’m not the bad guy after all. We can dress ourselves once again. We know how to play on our own once again. There has not been one potty accident. No more nightmares. We have remembered our manners and that the rules of this house still stand, even if we’re sad or mad.

Still, the after math of evils visit leaves it’s lingering affects. Little lady still clings to me in an insecure way. Needs constant reassurance that when I leave her, I will always come back. She wants me to hold her ALL of the time. Sometimes it’s suffocating. When she forgets about it, she is just fine and plays happily. Little man still tests me with his words yet he almost seems even more bonded with me then he was before evils visit. He continues to share things that went on during this visit. I just listen.  I keep breathing through everything he says. And I pray.

I will not lie. The mother bear in me wants to claw it’s way out and freak the hell out. I want to scream and swear at this person who causes such heart ache in our lives. I want to jump up and down and scream that this is fricken unfair and please get your fricken shit together already or leave us the hell alone. I think you already know that I don’t do this.

To those of you that don’t know the whole story. We do have full custody of the little’s but she(their birth mother, my husband’s daughter)has rights to come see them. Visitation has been left up to our digression. Believe me, her father and I will not allow another visit like this until she shows much further improvement. Still, just her coming for supervised visits causes pain and havoc in our home.

So yeah, I just keep praying that they will know how loved they are and that some how this will be enough…that our loving them…that our making an environment that is safe and secure will help them feel so…that our raising them will be enough. Even though they seem happy here with us, I still pray that the affects of life’s trauma’s will not hinder them from living the lives they so deserve. We will fight for them through every storm that blows through and stand strong against evil.

I wonder if this month off of work is a gift in disguise as it will give us time to work through these things? Since we have to still pay for daycare, they will still go there occasionally. They will go today, so I have been preparing them, after having 4 days with me. Little lady cries when we talk about it. I remind her of the fun she will have with her friends but of course she thinks she only wants to be with me forever and ever.  Little man doesn’t want me to go but he tells me and his sister that he knows I always come back. I pray to God that he truly knows that I will always come back. We talk about what we will do after I do come back and pick them up in hopes that this will cement in them security of my return.

Evil leaves and our lives go on.

We finally got Christmas down at our house this past weekend. (Breathing another big sigh of relief.) I was bound and determined. Even with hearing from a  tearful 3 year old  that “poor Jesus, Mary and Joseph were going to starve laying in a box until next year”. Apparently, she had enjoyed feeding them every day with her little Christmas porcelain tea set. Even with much begging from the little's to “keep the tree with it’s beautiful lights up for one more night”. Apparently, the floor full of needles wasn’t  bothersome to little man who quite enjoyed his job of having to clean them up each day with his little sweeper.

Yes, I am quite happy to have Christmas done and a thing of the past. Between that and evils visit, I am breathing big sighs of relief and very happy to get on to normal life. I love normal life. Normal is good.Even more, I love when that normal life lacks drama. I know, I’m boring. And I like boring.

Love & Hugs, Lori


Bina said...

Lori, I sincerely hope that you document all the visitations and what occurs after. And wow, I just don't know what to say. That girl has no business being a mother and those poor kids. I'm just glad they will love you forever and know that they are so very much loved by you.

Isn't is a GREAT feeling to have the Christmas stuff put away? And my gosh, how cute that she thinks they are going to starve. They may be one of the cutest things I have heard!

LPC said...

I'm so glad to hear that things are getting better. I really wonder what happened to that woman that she can live with herself now. And, when my kids were little, I would sing a song, "Because your mommy comes back, she always comes back, she always comes back to get you." Repeat, only next verse ends with, "She never would forget you."

TechnoBabe said...

Boring is in the eyes of the beholder. We like a calm, quiet, peaceful life and would not do well in a state of confusion and disaster at all. Been there, done that, and it did not go well at all. Hugs to you and the little ones.

Brian Miller said...

normal is nice. especially after the episode you have been through. good job sending them on the day care as well and taking care of yourself. that is massively important to your health and theirs. happy thoughts.

Midnitefyrfly said...

"I love normal life. Normal is good.Even more, I love when that normal life lacks drama. I know, I’m boring. And I like boring."

Amen to that girlfriend!

My Aimless Infatuation said...

Glad things are settling down some. Like you,I hate drama,I guess if your boring then so am I. I agree,I think this time off for you was a blessing.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I feel so bad for those kids...I can't imagine what is going on in their minds after these visits.
You are doing a wonderful job with are so loving and I DON'T feel sorry for the kids in that aspect.
Hugs to you and your family!!

Hilary said...

Those beautiful children are SO lucky to have you in their lives. Those sweeties don't deserve such chaos and neither do you. You're such a fine person, Lori.

The kidlets might feel a tad more secure about going to daycare if you give them a little something they can keep in their pockets.. whether a drawing.. a heart.. a smily face.. or something of significance between you. Let them know that whenever they notice, touch it.. hold it.. look for it, that means that you're thinking of them and looking forward to being together again once daycare is done. I might help to have something tangible like that. Just a thought.

Hugs to you.

She Writes said...

I am so sorry for you and the kids!

Natalie said...

I love normal too, Lori. We are still on summer school holidays for another 2 weeks ( making 4 I have made it through so far!). I CANNOT wait for my lot to go back to school, so I can get back to 'normal' whatever that is.

I am very glad to hear the littles have settled down. It certainly is a heartbreaking story, Love to you as ever. Natalie.xx♥

Jan said...

Oh, GOOD - I'm so glad! Boring, schmoring; boring is good. Normal is even better. I could live with those two states in my life quite happily forever. It's the people who can't who make things difficult.

D'Arcy said...

I've been keeping up on all of this sweetheart. I knew love would win out in the end and I admire your determination to love love love.

That's basically what I do on a daily basis in my new job and I've never felt so rewarding.

Sending masses of love your way!

mommytoalot said...

Normal is glad that things are falling back into place. I can totally relate..we have custody of our littles..(and they are not related to us in any way...nor are they foster..long story) but they also have visits with bio mom and maternal grandma once a month. I supervise visits with their bio mom and grandma gets them one full day a month..however they are not evil..not even if they tried. I sometimes think I am the bad guy..because even though they aren't's still upsetting for D when his visits go on too long..they don't have the structure and routines that they do here.
I hope your beautiful littles continue to heal and you as well..
thinking of you