In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Confidence One Step At A Time

Right now, I am focusing on gaining more…CIMG0003-1

When I use the word “embrace” I mean to “take on” or “face” and in confidence stop running from those things I think are so much bigger then me.

Right now, I am gearing up to face that which seems bigger then me.

The whole situation with my step daughter and raising her children.

I am not going to walk on egg shells anymore. I am not going to stand silently to the side, and watch this bigger situation continual unfold and wreck havoc in our home. I am done biting my tongue.  I am not going to keep feeling sorry for her and falling for her manipulations.

I have watched the little’s suffer because of these kinds of visits for the last time. At least if I can help it anyways. They are still suffering…maybe not as bad as the past couple of weeks but the affects are still showing their ugly face. And I don’t think they are just going to disappear this time.

While we are still mending their hearts and spirits, she is gone doing whatever it is she does in Vegas.

This time, the lines were crossed over just a little too much. No, a lot too much.

We must stand up to the monster before she destroys these little one’s completely. We have to.

She fly’s in here and has been allowed way to much undeserved freedom with them, and then fly’s away again.

I am tired of being played. I am tired of being the one that’s kicked in the gut.

She causes a wreck and leaves while we clean up her mess…it’s almost like she gets enjoyment over it.

But, no more. We will be informing her this week that we are going back to short limited supervised visits, among a whole list of other conditions. She will lash out. She will pull out the victim card. The pity card. She will try to manipulate the rules we lay out. She will play all her cards and if they don’t work she might even have her cash daddy hire a lawyer to fight us for custody.

We can’t let that keep us from protecting these little one’s. We have cowered and walked on egg shells in order to not upset her and cause her to do the very thing we fear happening…just so we can keep giving the little’s what they so deserve…just because we want peace…just because she is my husbands daughter, and my step daughter.

And who wants to fight their own child?

Why does she keep refusing to do the simple things we ask her to do? Things that will make her life better and make it so she can parent? We aren’t asking for all that much but we are asking her to step up to the plate. Is that too much?

Ultimately, she would get her shit together, and become the mom she calls herself. And if she can’t that she would just leave us alone.

It’s getting to the point that we will not hand them back to her. It’s going on 3 1/2 years and how long should we do this before we say it would cause more damage to give them back?

Even though we have custody and the visitation is up to us, do you know how many rights birth mothers have? Even if they do unthinkable things? Even if we have been doing this for over 3 years?

Regardless, we will fight in court if it comes to that. We will fight with every dime we have. Even if it means we lose in the end, we will at least know that we fought hard. We’ve already spent a lot of pretty pennies just to get the custody but if we have to, we will spend the rest.

I will face this situation with confidence. Confidence in knowing we are doing the right thing. Confidence that this situation which seems so big, will not win. Confidence that no, we are not the bad guys. Confidence that these little one’s that look to us to protect them, will be protected.

How can I look at these two and not?


I will have confidence that this thing that seems so big right now, will not always seem so, and will one day be a thing of the past.

I am confident that I will rise to this challenge.

What would you like to be more confident about?

Love & Hugs, Lori



She Writes said...

For me it wis easy to say... Finding love again!

I wish you all the best!

Nancy said...

Spirit works in mysterious ways. Your intentions are for the right reasons. Follow your heart and you won't walk alone. These sweet babies are so lucky to have you. You are their gardian angel. Bless you.

Madison said...

I love your post. These children have an advocate in you. It's always difficult to square off with a dysfunctional person.

Susan said...

My heart smiled when I read this.
My sister is a foster mother, and I am a respite caregiver for children in state custody. So very often, we watch mothers play a sick game that is all about themselves.
It isn't about her, it is about the kids! And if she can't see that, I'm so glad that you do.
I also believe your love will far outweigh the craziness they've experienced from her. Love, real love, wins out in the end. One way or another.

Brian Miller said...

i am glad you are such an advocate for those cute little ones in the pic. sometimes it has to be done. never easy, but necessary.

SciFi Dad said...

I know you're avoiding details in an effort to be the bigger person and not stoop to her level, but I've got to say that I'm very curious what exactly she does.

I'm sorry you're suffering with this; sometimes it seems like the adage is true: "no good deed goes unpunished".

mommytoalot said...

It must have been pretty horrible ...for those littles. To still be affected. Supervised visits are definitely in order. If you have nothing specific drawn out in the legal papers then it's up to you and your husband.
I doubt she'd take you back to court. so let her throw a fit.
Those littles need you, need consistency, order, structure , love, and it's you and your husband who have been providing it and will continue to do so.
Pray..and I'll pray too.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I encourage you to keep up your confidence in this...I know you will!!!!
I am confident that I am going to try and take better care of my health..I have been neglectful and it is not good for me or my family.

Jeannie said...

Keep a diary specifically about the "Mom's" visits and what happens.

Alix said...

It's official... I love you.

Now listen Lori - this thing about seeking confidence? Well, you can cross it off your TO-DO List immediately because this post is bursting at the seams with confidence. It's one big confidence pie, and I enjoyed my slice.

I think as individuals we feel a loss of confidence when we are out of our comfort zone, or we perceive others to have their shit together better than us. Right? But sister, you just gave it to your step-daughter. You stood up for the rights and interests of your grandbabies and drew that every important line in the sand. You set conditions and you WILL see them through. You wouldn't give crack to a drug addict just because they begged, and you won't cave in to your step-daughter's folly.

You are at the helm of a very serious business raising those two adorable children and you obviously know what you're doing. So fight on. Protect those precious babies. You are their only hope.

Besides - sounds like your step-daughter has bigger fish to fry... as in joining us on planet Earth.

Go, Lori, go!

Jan said...

There's a lot I don't understand about your step-daughter, and I'm sure I don't really want to understand it. My daughter is in Vegas, too - she's always been my little "free spirit." She, however, seems to be getting her shit together there, and even with all her faults she is determined not to have any children until she feels confident she can take care of them properly and be the kind of mother she knows she is, ultimately, capable of being. The kind of mother she should be.

If you want, I can give her your step-daughter's address - she'll be more than happy to go over there and smack some sense into her for you. *wink*

TechnoBabe said...

Once you make up your mind, and you are both together in the decision, you are strong. So you have already begun the resolve. Stay tough in love and know your hearts are right.

Hilary said...

Your loving blog posts alone are a testament to your love, care and responsibility to these beautiful children. Anyone could see that. Fight the fight. They're so worth it. You are such a gem.

Anonymous said...

You go girl. You know you have my support!

Kit Kat said...

Always here to help :)

Kit Kat said...

Oh, and I want to have more confidence in doing what I am actually passionate about rather than what I feel like I am supposed to do.

Garnetrose said...

It saddens me to see such sweet babies being used the way they are. I will never understand why, when one becomes a parent, the needs of the child come before all else.

I was in foster care most of my life when I was a child. Luckily, I had a great foster mom who loved me but I still suffered because my parents were not there for me. I became a foster parent and saw the tears in a child's eyes when they realized their mother had lied to them again and I was the one who had to comfort them when she did not show for a visit or treated them like crap when she did show. Bless you and I do hope you win custody if you have to fight for it. They need you in their life.

Joanna Jenkins said...

As long as you are fighting for the best interests of those beautiful babies you are doing the right thing. Let that guide you and make you strong with confidence.


Just Be Real said...

Lori, you blog shares your genuine self. I see it in your words and the pictures of loved one. Thank you so much for sharing with us all. Your heart will lead you dear. You are a blessing.

Life with Kaishon said...

I am so thankful you will fight for you babies.

Stepping said...

I am trying to catch up on some of my reading and found this to be the most inspiring post ever. I am so glad that you two are going to "lay down the law" to this young woman. She has used you as a door mat for far too long! God be with you in this fight. Phil 4:13

Bina said...

I'm confident that I will make it through life, no matter what it throws at me. I will never, ever let anyone beat me down.