If You’re Going Through Hell Keep Going

I am thankful that I believe. I am thankful to know God’s grace & love. I am thankful that I don’t have to earn my way to heaven.

I am thankful every single day that in having walked through hell, that I made it, a little burnt at the edges maybe, but my soul is no longer black.

 

I am thankful that in having lived through hell, I  have the desire to try to be “Jesus with skin on” to everyone I meet. I am thankful that my memory doesn’t allow me to forget the road I’ve walked and the lessons I gained along the way.

I am thankful for my history because of the perspective it has given me to view the world and people from. Through these glasses I see hope, even when it might seem all is dark and lost.

I am thankful for the new heart I was given, which has given me much love for people. Especially those deemed unlovable by the world.

I am thankful that with my new heart, I don’t have bitterness, hate or want revenge against those that hurt me.

I am thankful for the opportunities to wash the feet of those that are hurting, to listen without judgment,  to share my story so that someone in the dark can have a sun ray of hope, that speaks of better days to come, or whatever it is I am asked to do today.

I am thankful that “church” doesn’t mean a building and doesn’t mean Sunday’s.

I am thankful that God/Jesus doesn’t live in a box.

I am thankful that I no longer live inside of the box, that I thought I had to live in, in order to be loved by God.

I am thankful that I don’t have to have all the answers. And that I don’t have to be right…and that I’m not always wrong.

I am thankful that each day is a new opportunity to try again. And that’s it’s okay if I don’t do “it” perfectly. I’m not always sure what “it” is but I’m thankful that sometimes I get “it” right the first time the lesson comes around.

I am thankful that my greatest blessings are not material things, but people.

I am thankful for all the secret keepers in my life…for all those that make it safe to speak.

I am thankful for my demon slayer. Without him, I wouldn’t be here.

I am thankful that at the end of the day I can forgive myself for all the times I messed up…and pat myself on the back for what I didn’t. (okay, I’m working on that last part :)

I am thankful for these hands that were made for working & loving, these ears that were made for listening, these lips that were made for speaking, these legs that get me where I need to go, this mind that knows what I need to do(most of the time :), this body that is healthy and most of all, that I don’t know what it is like to have to live without them. I am thankful for those I know in my life, that do not have some of these and have taught me with grace and dignity what it means to live without.

I am thankful for those that have been put into my life to teach me something.

I am thankful for all the people in my life that haven’t kept a record book of my wrongs.

I am thankful for a husband that doesn’t keep score.

I am thankful for children who have loved me in spite of everything…who know everything there is to know about my life and still think highly of me. I am thankful that I can say that all five of them are high up on my list of friends.

I am thankful for the freedom I have from drugs. Even more, I am thankful that I no longer need them to survive or forget.

I am thankful that I am no longer hiding behind cigarettes.

I am thankful for this year of claiming courage as mine and to find that it’s really been there all along, I just didn’t know I had it.

I am thankful to be a resilient woman.

I am thankful that after all the times I’ve  knocked on deaths door, I was given another chance to be here. I am thankful that I’ve been freed and given this chance to live the life I never even dreamed about.

Today, I especially thankful because twenty five years ago today, I set out to die. I did not want to live. Maybe some day I will have the courage to tell you that story. That story really isn’t all that important as the fact that I didn’t die and that I got to live and tell my story. And now all I want to do is live. I just want to live fully out loud and with wild abandon.

I no longer want to die in order to forget. Instead, I am thankful that I got to live and tell my story. I am thankful that God didn’t listen to me and that He who is bigger, had me wrapped in His arms all along.

Lastly, I am thankful for you, my loving, accepting, encouraging, and supportive blog world friends. You people are amazing. I cried as I read each and every comment to the letter I had written to my 13 year old self. Thank you for listening, as I tell you my story.

Please tell me what your thankful for today.

Love & Hugs, Lori