In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Living Somewhere In Between

In our day to day living, our partners, our children and those closest to us, get to see us when we are at our very best.

They also get to see us at our very worst.

What they see most often, is us, living somewhere in between.

Let me explain…

We all have the potential for greatness.

We all have the potential for badness. 

Given the best set of circumstances we can shine or we can fall on our faces.

Given the worst set of circumstances we can mess up or we can rise to the occasion and save the day.

Reality is, our day to day, circumstances will neither be the best or the worst, instead they will usually fall somewhere in the middle.

Regardless of the circumstances, if we are honest, then we have to admit that as much as we would like to behave at our best, we don’t. We fail.

We have to admit that there are times, we really screw up no matter what the circumstances are. We lose it…because we are human.

And yes, those that love us the most in this world get to see us behaving badly.

And then there are times we totally rock…we even surprise ourselves. We do the right things. It’s like the stars are all aligned over us and everything fits together. We rise to the occasion at hand. We win.

And yes, thankfully, those that love us the most in this world get to see this wonderful side of us, too.

The thing is, most of the time, in our day to day living of life, we aren’t at our very best or our very worst. As much as we can strive to do our best and not fall down, we each fall somewhere in between.

I’m talking about day to day living here…the small things in life that on certain days seem like big things because we feel like crap…the horrible no good bad day we had a work and want to take out on our kids or partner. I’m talking about life. I’m talking about being knee deep in the trenches of life.

I’m not talking about really big offenses  here. But, I suppose these could apply as well.

I’m talking about the day to day living kinds of things…that goes on in public but mostly in the privacy of our homes, or car’s,  with the one’s we love most in this world…it’s the cross words, the silent treatment, the shoe thrown across the room in our anger or just trying to figure out who’s making supper?

It’s how we act and speak when the world is not our audience but our partners and children are.

It’s when we’ve let down our guard and all pretenses and we are who we are.

It’s easy to love or like someone when they are being “good” or at their very best. Do we put them up on a pedestal and expect them to stay there?

But what about when their not? What if they fall off the pedestal we’ve put them on? Do we cast them away and give them the silent treatment? Do we stop remembering their greatness because they screwed up?

Or do we reach down, put out our hand and pull them back up?

Do we help brush off the dust or do we rub it in more?

Don’t we all hope that when it’s our turn, that a hand will be held out to us?

Don’t we all want someone to help us brush off the dust?

I would love to always behave at my very best and I really do strive to do my best…. To love fully. To care and to be kind. To respect. To smile and to laugh.To listen.To work hard. To accept. To not judge. To breathe. To hug. To be nice. To say “I’m sorry.” To play fair. To share. To be patient.

I am all of these things but not always.

I would love it if I never acted badly. Because there are times I can be rotten. I can be mean and rude. I can yell. I can speak out of ignorance. I can interrupt. I can be crabby or moody. I can be jealous. I can be selfish. I can not listen. I can be disrespectful. I can be impatient. I can over indulge. I can swear. I can judge. I can say hurtful things. I can just be plain ridiculous.

I can be all of these thing but not always.

Reality is, I spend most of my living somewhere in between.

I’m thankful, that those I love the most in this world, love me even when I’ve been at my worst. I’m thankful they don’t keep me on a pedestal because as nice as that sounds, falling off one them really does hurt.

Most of all, I’m thankful that they love me really well, while I do most of my living in between…as I do them.

Love & Hugs, Lori




Natalie said...

Yes. Thank you, Lori for a great thought provoking post.
If there is a scale of black and white, I always aim for white, but most often end up in the greys.xx♥

Buckeroomama said...

Oh, Lori, this is such a beautiful post. It is a blessing to be loved because/in spite of everything we are --the good, the bad, and everything in-between.

Brian Miller said...

too true...and we can expect other to always be at their best as well, even when we know that we can not achieve it ourselves. thought provking...

Busy Bee Suz said...

You are so darn normal. Or at least you make me feel so darn normal. Now I am wondering if I was'nt just a bit too crabby to the husband last night??? Perhaps I will try harder today???
Have a good day.
Signed, Crabby Patty Suz.

Jan said...

Yet another lovely, thoughtful post.

"I’m thankful they don’t keep me on a pedestal because as nice as that sounds, falling off one them really does hurt."

Dear, you just said a mouthful. And it was wonderful.

Jeannie said...

I think many of us take for granted the every day forgiveness we give and are given. And maybe that forgiveness is one of the keys to a marriage that lasts. We don't sweat the small stuff and really try to remain supportive during the big stuff. The big stuff is so much easier when the little stuff doesn't make waves. Thanks.

Hilary said...

A lovely post - thought-provoking and wise.

Bogey said...

The reality of all of your wise words written here today Dear Lori, is recognizing our humanness in those words as you defined them. At the end of the day, when we lean in close to the mirror, the person looking back at you is the most critical judge. Can we look that person in the eye or do we avert our eyes out of shame or remorse. Many of us probably thought this was written about us, if you were honest. But, that only means there is still room for improvement...right? One of things I try to practice, (with the emphasis on "try") every day is to think before I speak. It saves me from the humility of my worst actions. (I think you may have another post of the week coming up!)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I once did an essay on being mediocre, somewhere in the middle, never too good or too bad. You've said it much better here and I can totally relate.

Jason, as himself said...

I often think the day to day things are much harder to deal with/change/overcome than the big obstacles.

And I just noticed you're still on the non-smoking wagon! Woo hoo!

SciFi Dad said...

This is spot on. None of us are perfect.

Shrinky said...

This is the last year all my brood will be under the same roof, as my eldest son will soon leave the island for university. Your post is very relevant to me at this time. Our home is our sanctuary, a safe, soft place where we should always feel unconditionally loved and protected. I try to bite my tongue when I want to criticise, but I don't always succeed.. you are so right, an encouraging word goes much further than any scathing rebuke.