It has been over a week since I posted due to the fact that we were in the car driving non-stop for 36 hours to get to Florida from Minnesota. We made the trip in 36 hours because we pushed it. We only stopped for gas and ate in the car. My little people were excellent travelers...they did way better then we anticipated. I was already exhausted from sleep deprivation and the stress of evils visit before we even started our drive away from home, but the sense of relief that I felt gave me the adrenaline to keep trucking along. The home we have rented for our stay here is simply beautiful and feels like a sanctuary.
Being here in this new environment has been most wonderful for all of us. My little people are almost back to normal, if there is such a thing as normal. Most of the whining, tantrums, baby voices and behaviors they were displaying from evils visit are gone. They love seeing their aunties, uncles and cousin and are looking forward to the rest of our family, that will be flying in, in the next couple of days. Yesterday morning little lady slipped on one of her books in the kitchen and sprained her ankle. This has interrupted things a bit in that we now have to carry her around everywhere.
Being here, still feels like a dream to me. I am enjoying every second that I get with my children and grandchildren and of course with my husband. This is my focus as I visit this place of many beautiful people. Everywhere I look there are perfect looking people with perfect bodies. It is hard for me to not be jealous...it is hard not to beat myself up over it. I have not let this stop me from putting my swimsuit on. This is big for me. I keep thinking about the things you have all shared with me and use it to give myself courage to keep taking the steps I need to take.
I am trying to take a step back from working or focusing on my issues, while I am here, and just observe and listen. I want to enjoy this time of taking a break from everyday life and not be focusing on what I am not or what I want to be...I want to let go of this ideal I hold in my mind of what I should look like and accept that there are things that I cannot change no matter how hard I try. Self acceptance is a hard wall to climb but one I will conquer.
Beauty is skin deep...I want to be so much more than that...and if I just stop for one moment and listen to my loved ones around me, then I would hear what they have been saying to me all along...that they see me as beautiful inside and out, right now. The fact that my husband and each one of my children think so highly of me, should speak loud and clear to me...instead of focusing on all that I think I am not, I need to be focusing on all that they think I am, right here and right now.
10 comments:
amen sista girl!!!! ;)
And you are proving yourself to be the most unselfish of person by not focussing on your own demons. This reminds me of something I read a few years ago and I don't remember the source but I will paraphrase what I do remember in my own words. What I have learned from it.
One of the most selfish things we do as human beings is disguised as something else completely. Selfishness can manifest itself in such disguises as taking something someone says or does personally. Or being self conscious when we should be as outwardly accepting of ourselves as we are of others. Things such as this do not normally make us feel selfish... but when we are not taking things personally or we are not feeling self conscious, we are indeed able to better focus on others who need our attentions and affections.
I have been thinking about you and your trip and I am so happy that it is as you describe.
Much love and prayers for safe travel!
I'm so glad you are enjoying yourself. And those plastic people you described.....no worries. They are all seeking what you already have. You are a beautiful woman inside and out with a beautiful family. I live in this area and trust me when I say the "perfect" people are far from that. They've got nuttin' on you! Enjoy the rest of your stay and let me know if you want to meet up for ice tea or coffee or a glass of wine..... You're gonna go right thru my area on your way home.
What part of Florida are you in? I wish I could have seen you on your way through! I would have LOVED that!
And oh the poor little thing. On vacation and she sprained her ankle. But hey, she should still be able to swim in the water with some floaties or a life jacket, right?
You are so right about being self concious. I feel the same way most of the time, and then realize I'll never be perfect and really, do I want to be??? No, I don't think so, then how could I improve? LOL
I'm SO happy you guys are on vacation! But 36 hours? GEEZ girl. How did you manage that? I'm guessing you took lots of books and things for the kids to do. I drove one time from San Franciso to Georgie when my boys were 3 and 18 months. But I only drove 14 hours a day and stopped every day for lunch to let them run around and play. But still. 36 hours straight??
Is this comment long enough yet???
you should keep that last paragraph as a personal mantra and meditate on it each and every day...hell, i might even try it myself...enjoy the rest of your holiday!!
Thank goodness for lulls! I am so very happy that you're enjoying yourself.
Have fun! Keep posting!
I'm glad you're getting and enjoying a break. Sometimes we learn a lot by just being quiet and listening and focusing on others. Much easier said than done - especially for me.
The vacation sounds like exactly what you needed to soothe your soul and reflect on some important issues. That's the best way to deal with them and you are taking giant leaps. I see it in your writing and I know you'll get there......I just know it. I hope you get to meet SMB while you're in the area. Have fun and enjoy every second with your family. :)
hello there friend, glad you made it to florida. hopefully you will see that you are no different than anyone else. look at yourself as being beautiful, we all are in our own way. we are all special and unique in our own way, as for our bodies, i believe we were made the way we were for a reason, to be plastic and perfect is a simple thing to do if you want to look like all the other plastic and perfect people. i look upon them as being imperfect for their own selfish reasons. i can see to get something done if it is needed in a health issue, but to to it for ones own selfish reasons makes me kinda sad for those people. so wear your swimsuit and show off the birthday suit you were born with and be proud of who you are and who you are becoming. enjoy all that sun down there and enjoy your family. i've been thinking of you. take care and have a safe trip home. i'll be home finally on the 14th. i can not wait to get there.
see ya.............
sometimes I think that is why we surround our lives with the people we do. it's always so incredible to have people in your life believe in you and love you no matter what.
it's a powerful thing.
it's even more powerful to believe in ourselves. Seeing you on this journey is one amazing ride and I am so thrilled that you are letting me come along. My life has been enriched from your friendship!
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