In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Monday, October 27, 2008

My time is not my own

I wasn’t going to even post tonight because I don’t want to sound negative or like I am complaining about my life. I am grateful for all that I have and I do feel blessed with so much. It’s just that I am so tired that my bones hurt. I feel like crying but I'm too tired to even do that. My little people are now in bed for the night and instead of writing one of the posts I have been wanting to write, I write this post to let you all know that I am thinking of all of you and if I haven’t stopped by your blog or commented lately, it’s not because I haven’t wanted to.

Since I last posted about life’s latest interruptions, I have been engulfed in those interruptions and new interruptions that seem to overtake my time. And of course there is always work away from home and the never ending work at home. Other than getting to read a few blogs and leaving a comment here and there, I hardly have had time to catch my breathe, let alone do something I enjoy, like writing on this blog. My time is not my own and to be honest, some days this is harder than others.

Right now, the raising of my two little people, weighs heavily upon me. Sometimes my worry for them is so overwhelming, that I can’t even put it into words. My husband’s job takes him away for most of their awake hours so most of the responsibility of their care falls upon me. Three year olds are wonderful little people but mine has pushed me to my limits with his mood swings and misbehaviors. Of course my two year old little lady can not help that she is more irritable with her leg being in a cast or that she is a mama‘s girl…still, I have my limits. I am overwhelmed right now with the constant care giving and I just need to catch my breathe.

Even though I should be working out or doing some work around the house, I don’t have it in me to do another thing. Instead, I am off to drink a glass of wine or two with my husband and to veg out in front of the TV. I need to lose myself, to not think about anything, and pray that tomorrow or soon, this heaviness will be gone.


Smart Mouth Broad said...

I think you've got the right idea. Just chill. It will all be there tomorrow. Sometimes you just have to walk away.

PS. I gave you an award. You can pick it up on my site. Congrats!

thistle said...

SMB is to know when to pick your fights, and when to take time out for a glass of wine (or two). And we all know, EVERYTHING will still be there with what you can then! I've got a co-worker who is feeling exactly like you right now, and said the same thing to her...respect your body and what it's telling you and grab the down time when you can. Hope you're feeling better tomorrow!

SciFi Dad said...

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your blog is to not blog.

If you had forced out one of those amazing posts you've got in your head, it undoubtedly would have come out in a manner that left you unsatisfied, regretting that you even posted it.

Instead, you took some time to recharge your batteries, which was the best thing for you, and your blog. We'll be here when you feel up to writing.

Bina said...

Believe it or not, I do understand. My boys were 20 months apart. I was really young, and I was still so tired and stressed at times. I was new at being a mom and never knew if I was doing the right thing or not.

Of course you are tired and stressed. You have already raised, what, five kids? And now you have two more? No amount of love you have them will keep you energized and happy all the time. It's normal to feel the way you are. Just remember that and try not to feel guilty.

I wish I were close to you. I would definitely help you out.

Midlife Slices said...

I feel your pain and agree with everyone else. Take some time for yourself, although I know that's much easier said than done. It's 10 a.m. and I've got tons of work to do but I'm sitting in bed reading blogs and wanting so badly just to crawl back under the covers and stay there for several days. This too shall pass.....or so I keep telling myself.

You are in my prayers.

Heather said...

It sounds as though you need some "me" time. I hope your sips of wine in front of the TV with the hubs at your side was just what you needed.

You are an amazing woman. Please don't forget to take care of yourself.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Wow. And you work at an alternative school. No wonder you're worn down. My two are 19 and 16 and I can't even imagine having the energy to start again. I think what you are doing is awesome.

D'Arcy said...

Yes, relax. I agree. It is no use thinking of all the things you "should" be are doing far more than many in this world and you are working hard.

I just wished I lived closer to you so I could come and give you a break!!

MGM said...

My first response is to say that I can relate. But then I realized that would not be a fair thing to say. I don't have children I've already raised along with the wee ones. My children don't come with the baggage yours do. And I don't have all the drama that the adult children in your life bring you (maybe there's only one adult child that does that--can't remember if it's plural or not).

So I suppose it would NOT be fair for me to say I know how you feel.

Survival times also must include down times for recharging. Hope you've gotten some of that or will soon!

Plunger Girl said...

Ditto everyone else.

Drink and sleep and lose yourself a little.