Thank you for all your kind words in my last post in regards to my health.
In answer to the questions about my injury…I was brutally attacked 8 years ago, by one of my clients at a group home that I worked at. It has left me with a permanent skull and neck injury and PTSD. Because of ongoing medical issues, I have to battle work comp in order to get the treatments the doctors recommend, so I have a lawyer to help me with it.
One week ago the doctor treating me for my injury, lowered my workability hours and sent me home with instructions to start taking care of myself. He echoed what the doctor treating me for my thyroid had said to me months ago. “You need to learn how to take care of yourself.”
When I told the woman I care for that I couldn’t work as much, her response had been, “I’ve been telling you for months that you are not taking care of yourself.”
It’s not that I haven’t tried taking care of myself. In my mind, I have been taking care of myself to some extent. In reality with kids, work and a home it’s pretty hard to fit in “taking care of myself” time.
Remember my writing about my special needs brother that got bullied through out school?
He is very special to me.
He turns 50 in a couple of days so we had a surprise birthday party for him this past Saturday.
Since he and I have been close through out our lives I couldn’t help but plan a surprise party for him.
Yes, I am well aware that this is a lot of work for someone that is not feeling good and suppose to be taking care of herself.
But he is like a big kid and loves his birthday.
So along with all of my siblings we planned a party to be held at our old stomping grounds, at the only tavern, in the very small town we grew up by.
He is really into sports so we planned a party that would include his favorite sports teams(who of course are mine to0).
I offered to make his birthday cake so decided to do his sports theme with cupcakes and cookies.
Once again, I knew this would be a lot of work but I have this tendency to volunteer to do these kinds of things out of my heart and not with my head.
Little lady and I baked lots of cupcakes and cookies all day. And spent the next one finishing and building cupcake stands.
Of course I convinced my very talented and creative daughter to help me with decorating them and making some signs for the party.
She did a fabulous job of helping me.
The party was a great success. We had a great turnout in spite of it being a busy time of year.
Most importantly he was completely surprised.
He smiled from ear to ear.
He loved his birthday cupcakes.
I had to push myself to get it all done and it was exhausting but seeing the smile on his face and hearing him say how much he loved his cake and cookies was well worth it and honestly, I would do it all over again in a heart beat.
Because I love him.
Last week I kept saying, “I just want to get through his party and then I am going to take this order to start taking care of myself seriously.
So here I am. It’s Monday and the start of my resolve to taking better care of myself. The thing is, I really don’t know how.
Isn’t that silly? I thought I did but I am finding that I really don’t know how to take care of me. I know all about taking care of other people. It’s part of my nature to do so.
So tell me, how do you take care of yourself?
Tell me, how do I take care of myself? Without feeling lazy or like a horrible wife and mother? How do I stop doing?
How do I rest when I have little one’s and a house that needs cleaning?
Even though I don’t feel good, am in lots of pain, am exhausted and my thyroid literally hurts, it feels like I should be doing something more than what I’m doing…which is pretty much nothing….and I feel guilty as hell right now.
You would think that my feeling like this would make it easy to just rest and take it easy. It’s not.
I need to learn this lesson of self care.
Please share your wisdom with me.
Hopefully, in all this doing “nothing” I will have a chance to stop by your place soon. I miss you!
Until next time, hugs & love, Lori