In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Charter for Compassion

The other night I read this post by Kashions Mom, that made me cry. It was about a young boy  that is being called “gay” because of the sneakers and glasses he wears and because he would rather play using his imagination then play football. Very sad. But thankfully he has a mother that listens and that has built up his confidence enough that it doesn’t stop him. She is his safe place to fall.

What about all the kids that don’t have this? What about all those that suffer silently and have no one to tell?

All night long I thought about this. And all the other stories I’ve read this past week about this very subject.

I try to wrap my mind around this whole concept of bullying and meanness and I can’t seem to get it.

I see people living lifestyles I don’t agree with.

Does that give me a right or a reason to hurt them? Does it make me better then them?

Absolutely no & no.

I hear of people bullying against gays and often times in the name of religion or righteousness and I’m left wondering where in the bible it say’s this is okay? I wonder how sad all this meanness must make God and how tired he must be of people using his name to do whatever they want.

Bullying should have no room in schools or playgrounds or work places or on the internet.

How do we get more parents to talk to their kids about these things?

And stand by their talk?

And who talks to the adult bullies?

How do we get this insanity called bullying to stop????

For years, schools have said they are addressing it but it continues.

Hanging up signs in schools that say no bullying or saying they have zero tolerance for bullies is a start but that obviously is not near enough… we the people, have to keep taking the next step…acting on it and not accepting anything less from our children.

We can’t just talk about bullying.

We must have zero tolerance for it in our homes. We have to demand respect for our homes, and from all that live in them, to one another. If we allow our children to express meanness to one another or to us or us to them, how can they know it’s not okay outside of our homes? If we make room for meanness in our homes we give them the message that when we are angry or disagree it is okay to inflict hurt with our fist or our words.

Are we waiting until it’s too late to teach these things to our children? Shouldn’t we be teaching these things to our children before we send them off to school?

Why is it that we put the responsibility off on the teachers or schools to teach this, when these are our children?

Shouldn’t we be teaching our children that hands are for loving not hurting? Teaching them that our voices are not meant for cruelness or attacking but for speaking love and truth.

Whatever happened to teaching our young children to treat others how they want to be treated?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

We have to build our young one’s up with confidence and self acceptance & respect so that they can build a strong voice from within. One that speaks up in the face of adversity and doesn’t lay down and take it. All before they walk the halls of a school, play on a playground or ride a school bus.

Empowering the children so that the bully’s power will be less and just maybe there would be less of them. And just maybe the teachers could do more of what they desire to do, teach our children, instead of having to deal with the bullies and those they hurt.

Yet, I cannot help but think that something is missing in those that bully.

What is within them that causes them to commit such senseless meanness onto an innocent victim? Meanness comes from somewhere. Someone doesn’t act like this for no reason.

Are they just unaware? Have they not been taught any differently?

Do these kids that bully come from homes in which bullying is allowed? I used to think so but have learned that isn’t always the case.

Do these kids that bully not have someone that loves them enough to help them stop? Or do these parents suffer silently not knowing how to make their child stop?

What is the missing link?

Who helps the bully? Who will reach out to the bully and show them how to stop?

If we do nothing more than point our fingers at the bully’s we resolve nothing.

How do we respond to the bully so that they stop once and for all?

One of my greatest goals as a parent the first time around was teaching my children while they were still young, to be compassionate & tolerant to all people regardless of race, creed, color, gender or sexual preference. This continues to be my goal as I teach my little’s the value of compassion & tolerance.

I fear what may come for little man, with his beautiful brown skin, in our mostly white small rural community. So it becomes even more important to teach all of this to him.

I am teaching him to love & respect himself…which means the color of his skin and everything else that makes up him. Teaching him how to feel confident in himself even if someone tries to destroy it.

Still, I will teach him to have compassion for all people, including the ignorant and those that are blind to the truth.

I have seen this video on 3 other blogs in the last week. Every single time I’ve watched it, it causes my heart to do a somersault.



 What if we the people, learned a better way of handling the bullies in our world?

What if we the people, did more than just talk about it?

What if we the people, started doing this in our homes?

Please take the time to read this post called Tolerance by my daughter Brittany. It touched my heart. Sometimes my kids knock my socks off and this is one of those times. Thank you Brittany.

Please take time to talk to the kids in your life…and to listen to them. Please take time to help them embrace differences, not only in others but themselves.

Please help them to believe in themselves enough that the bullies lose their power. Please show them what it means to tolerate, love and to have compassion for all people.

Please, believe them when they tell you that they are being bullied. Don’t send them back for more until you know they are safe. Please be the soft place for kids to fall or come to.

Please teach your children how to stand up not only for themselves but for others being bullied.

Please, if your child is a bully, get them help and don’t stop until this issue is resolved. Help them. Please don’t say “Boys will be boys.” or “Girls will be girls.” in the face of your child's meanness. That is a lie.

Please, if you see bullying happening don’t look the other way. Instead look it in the eye’s and do something.

Let us be the change and the compassion. It begins with you and me.


Many of you have shared your own horror stories of yourself or your children being bullied. I am so sorry.

Please don’t stop sharing your stories because they need to be heard.

Until next time, hugs & love, Lori





Brittany said...

I learned it all from you mom.

You have such a beautiful soul, I think it would have been impossible for it to not have rubbed off on us!

There is not one mean bone in your body! Your passion for people and the heart you have for the "under dog" makes you a force to be reckoned with.

I have learned more from you sitting around the breakfast table then I have ever learned in a pew at church. You, dear mother, are Jesus with skin on!

I love you so much! Thank you for instilling in me tolerance, love, respect, and kindness! Because you not only taught me, but my son, and his son, and so on and so fourth! :) RIPPLE AFFECTS MAMA! RIPPLE AFFECTS! :)

Jeannie said...

Bullying is wrong but you are correct in saying it doesn't come from nowhere. Most loving, responsible parents do not produce a bully. Usually, a bully has a bully mentor at home. My oldest was bullied - in a zero tolerance school which did nothing to protect him - until I gave him permission to protect himself because I did not want him to suffer from the feelings of powerlessness I still feel from being left unprotected and not allowed to protect myself. Bullied children need to be made stronger so the bullies will not see them as vulnerable.
My daughter did not turn in a bully at school because she knew that if the school contacted his parents, he would be beaten.
Makes me think that some kids maybe need some foster grand-parents at school just to love them.
Here in Canada, tolerance is the law. Of course, there is still racism but it is not as common as in many other cultures. My children have had close friends from many races, cultures and religions their entire lives. They taught me a lot more about accepting differences than I taught them with my almost all-white Christian upbringing. They had much more opportunity - grew up in almost the same neighborhood but the immigration mix was entirely different.
The answer to most issues lies not just in blind acceptance - that's a little naive - but in education and exposure.
We are predisposed to like people who are like ourselves and distrust differences. But familiarity increases comfort.

Anonymous said...

I'm so with you on this one. My kids are adopted and have lovely brown skin... so it's vital to have zero tolerance for bullying and racism. Even more vital to build up their self confidence while teaching them compassion...

Joyce A Gray said...

Beautifully, passionately written.

Brian Miller said...

i read the same post and emailed her my thoughts which are very is bullying and there is no place for it...working on writing up something tonight on it as on post...

blueviolet said...

My personal opinion is that a lot of bullying begins in the home and because of that, it's a very difficult thing to stop, and that is such a source of frustration for me!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh! Great post. Shouldn't we be teaching this even before they are in school? Yes! Yes we should! I am so glad that your littles are learning this from you Lori! It filles my heart with happiness.


I just read what Brittany wrote about you being Jesus with skin on and it melted my heart. I hope to be that kind of mother one day.

SciFi Dad said...

Until bullying is treated with the same severity as physical abuse (because, let's be honest, bullying is emotional/mental abuse), it will continue.

Hilary said...

Wonderful post, Lori.. as was Kaishon's mom's post. Abuse of all kinds is so rampant in our society. Perhaps these recent suicides, and there have been so many, will lead us to a solution. It seems to me that there has been a great deal of outcry recently. That's a good start. Off to read your daughter's post now.

LPC said...

And let's all just keep saying this over and over again. We just have to make some progress.

Jannie Funster said...

This made me cry. So many people treated unkindly because of other people's fears and meanness.

You told this with such beautiful words. I wish EVERyone could read and take this to heart.

I guess it really all comes down to, as does everything, lead by love and compassion. Yet stand up to bullies.

So glad I clicked your link from Brian Miller's


Busy Bee Suz said...

Beautiful you, Brittany and Rebeckah too.
Love is taught and learned at home.
Hate and ignorance is taught and learned at home.
It is a vicious cycle...and we must not stop spreading the word.

Ash said...

you are right as walays - education really starts from home so let's all be better parents on listening and teaching our kids the best ways to a good and respectful life.

~ash's mum

NENSA MOON said...

Hi Lori,
What a beautiful post and well written!
Thanks, I've learned much from this post.

I'm passing here from Ash site.

sending my warmest regards from Indonesia,

keithsmith1966 said...

Hi Lori,

Your post deeply stirs my heart. It tears me apart inside to think of the many who suffer because of the hate and intolerance that is PASSED ON from one generation to another.

Well, this is OUR generation. Let it be said a hundred years from now that we were the generation that shifted a world's reality and we did it through LOVE. Unconditional.

Thank you. :-)

slommler said...

Here, here! We must stop the bullying. We must stand up to it and erase it from our schools, our work places, our jobs...everywhere! If we quit tolerating would diminish! This is my prayer.

Anonymous said...'s what the world needs the most right now. Bless you for posting this.