What should one do when life serves up a shit sandwich? Say, “No thank you, I’ll take the ignorant bliss instead please.” ? Or just pretend it’s not a shit sandwich and eat it with a smile on our faces anyways? Or throw myself a grand ole pity party? Or write a long post in an effort to still my mind?
For my husband to complain about something that is going on with him, I know it must be bad because he rarely ever does. So when he told me about some issues he is having I encouraged him to see the doctor right away. He didn’t want to go because we don’t have insurance. (The little’s qualify for insurance through the state so they are covered.) He went yesterday and found out he needs surgery. After said surgery he cannot work for a minimum of 6 weeks.
At least 6 weeks with no money other than my measly checks coming in a little money we get for raising the little’s.
His job requires constant lifting of heavy crates which is what caused this to happen. This means his boss needs to find someone to replace him for this period of time. The good in this is that his boss is going to find out just how much my husband does in his 12-14 hour days and I will be very surprised if he can find someone who is as fast and efficient as my husband. Plus there will be someone trained to do his route should he ever want some time off in the future. The only time he has had off in 4 years is when we went to my daughters wedding in Florida. And it took the guy that replaced him during that time, twice as long to do his route and his route has grown a lot since back then.
Or maybe it’s time for him to find a different job since that is something he has talked about doing for the last couple of years?
The reason we don’t have insurance is because we cannot afford it. Before getting the little’s, my husband had insurance even though it cost an arm and a leg. We all know raising children even in the frugal manner that we live, is not cheap. Taking the little’s has meant the sacrifice of things like insurance, new clothes and going out for entertainment. This goes without saying that they are without a doubt worth ever single sacrifice.
I just wish we could figure out a way to make ends meet and afford these extra things, like insurance. Ever since I got hurt, my earning ability has been severely cut. Had I not gotten hurt, I would have moved up in the company I worked for, would have insurance for myself and family, and my earning potential would be double of what it is now. The bonus was that I loved this job that I was passionate about and seen myself in it for the long haul. Instead I am only allowed to work two 7 hour days in a week. Since my workers compensation does not have to supplement my income anymore because it ran out a long time ago, my ability to help make these ends meet, is very little.
Do not get me wrong, I love what I do now. In fact, I would say I am passionate about being a personal care giver. I love and respect the woman I care for. I love that I am getting this time at home with the little’s. I love that I am feeling a little bit less pain now that I am not working as much. Ssshhh don’t tell my husband that I said that because I offered to call my doctor and request that he remove all restrictions so that I could work at least full time. Then at least we would have some money coming in while he can’t work. He would hear none of this.
The thing is, I feel guilty that all of this falls on his shoulders. He never ever complains and not for one second has he ever made me feel badly for having this injury. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Now that he has been having some pain he says to me, “My god, how you live with pain and are still able to smile every single day is beyond me.”
One nice thing about not having extra money is that I do not have to go Christmas shopping. When my work hours got cut a few months ago we decided back then that we would not go into debt for Christmas. Now that this is happening we simply cannot afford to take money from our savings for frivolous things. Of course Santa will still come with a gift or two for the little’s,thanks to one of you angel’s that sent a gift card our way without even knowing any of this was going on.
Don’t get me wrong, I love buying gifts for people. I just don’t like the shopping part. I would be lying if I said that not getting to buy Christmas gifts for my children and grandchildren didn’t bother me. It would greatly help if they were all selfish brats that expected and begged for things. Instead they say things like, “Oh Mom it’s not a big deal.” or “That’s not what Christmas is about Mom.” or “Grandma do you need me to give you some money or for me to share some of my gifts with you?” Instead they are to darn sweet and understanding which only makes me want to buy something special for them. Darn kids.
Instead, our plans are to get busy in the kitchen, work some of our magic and make some gifts for our loved ones, since we already have most of the ingredients on hand anyways. Sending off some of our homemade love to those we are crazy about will give little “Rachel Ray” and “Emeril” a fun time in the kitchen. If you didn’t already know the little pretend to be Rachel and Emeril.
I am concerned about how we are going to live during this time of him not being able to work. I am concerned about how all of this is going to play out over the next couple of months. I am concerned that this stress is going to affect making this a joyful magical Christmas for the little’s.
The weight of the worry about my husbands health is above all else, so take my house and van, take our material processions, take the internet, cable and telephones but please God don’t take my husband. I could live without those other things but I don’t want to live without him. I could if I had to, but I don’t want to.
Please, please, please do not think I share this with you so that you feel sorry for us. I share this with you because I need your encouragement and support of prayer(If you’re someone who prays) and I just really needed to lay this all out.
I lay out all of these worries or concerns and yet I know without a doubt how blessed we are and really we have so much. I do believe all things happen for a purpose whether we can see it or not. I also know that worry or panicking will not help us.
An ambulance siren is going off as I type and I stop to pray for whoever is hurt or sick and I am reminded it could be worse …we are in a warm home in the midst of the snow and cold…we have food to prepare and eat…our home is full of much more than material things…love abounds…abundance surrounds us…all to remind me that we will be fine.
A birthday party is coming and we have been invited to come just as we are. Worry and stress are not invited. Time to decorate. Time to hang the balloons and banners. Time to prepare the gifts that we will bring to the guest of honor. Time to make merry and enjoy all that is. Time to be still and know that all is well.
It is the season of peace & joy and good will towards all men. I am determined that they will reign in this home and in my heart.
To end on a lighter note, I share with you another glimpse into life with the little’s.
When I walked by little lady’s bedroom last evening, I seen this taped on the outside of her bedroom door…
Let me translate what this sign means. No boys allowed. How she comes up with this stuff is beyond me.
Of course little man had to retaliate by hanging up his own sign on his bedroom door…
He informed me that he was so happy with the girl that he drew that he didn’t want to cover it up with an X so he put the X above the girl but that it still means no girls allowed in his room except for me. Lucky me.
I told them that it might make Santa sad that they were not going to be sharing their toys anymore. Little lady’s reply was, “Well, Santa’s a boy so he can’t come into my room either.”
Little man didn’t respond until he woke me up at 5:45 am this morning to tell me that he had taken down his sign so that Santa wouldn’t be sad.
Little lady informed me this morning that she is pretty sure that Santa is too busy right now to fly over us to check up on them so the sign is staying.
It’s a darn good thing we have a sense of humor at this house.
Tis the season to be jolly.
Thank you for listening and your prayers are deeply appreciated.
Until next time, love & hugs, Lori