I went into Christmas week with a very heavy heart. It is hard for me to be merry when so many are lacking financially but emotionally as well. I see the sadness or hopelessness and it is almost impossible for me not to cry. It is hard for me to be merry when my heart literally aches for my loved ones that are unable to come home and share in the holidays with us.
After work last Wednesday, I drove to a larger town to do my Christmas shopping. To say that it was crazy is an understatement but I went knowing it would be this way. I mentally put on the garment of patience before entering the store which seemed more like a zoo.
Watching rude people pushing and shoving their way…hearing people swear and loudly proclaim their anger at having to share in the isles with others…giving looks to all which said, “How dare you be in my way” Listening to Christmas music playing in the background, declaring it a season of love, peace and joy, while watching people act the opposite. How ironic. I took my time and chose to stay out of people’s ways. Still it was hard to not take in all that negativity and anxiety in the midst of the Christmas rush. It really is sad when people resort to meanness or check their manners at the door. My already heavy heart got even more heavy.
If you stop and really listen, it is quite sad that people are spending money they don’t have or that they are going through a difficult time in their lives and still trying to go through the motions of Christmas. While waiting in the check out line, I listened to a woman talk with despair about her present situation. She was sad and broken hearted because of not having enough…not enough money to buy gifts or food, not enough people that understood her, just simply not enough and she was feeling all alone in this world. Then and there I wanted to put my stuff back and give her what I had because we have enough…more than enough love, enough food, enough things, enough people that love and support us, enough of everything that makes our lives what it really is. Full.
Yet there are so many that don’t have enough. There are so many that are alone or lonely. There are those that have just lost loved ones or have someone dying right now. There are those so baron of the things of the heart, that they have no hope and believe in nothing.
We may be having a little bit of a financial struggle right now, but by all means we have enough…we have more than enough of those things that matter the most, like hope…hope that things will get better and that is what I wanted to give her more than anything. Belief in a better day. Belief that she is not alone. And then I wondered if maybe she is all alone and that made me almost start crying while standing there in line.
In all reality, we did not spend a dime on Christmas because we did not have it to spend. Every single bit of it came from angels that had bestowed upon us such kindness that enabled not only the little’s but my grandchildren to have a little something under the tree as well and to top it off with food for our family Christmas. Along with all this, have come anonymous and various cards and kindnesses of little gifts, e-mails, and notes, that have totally and completely blown me away…that has left me speechless & with tears of joy at knowing each one of you…and left my husband realizing that the blogging community is not only real but a wonderful one at that.
Finding ourselves on the receiving end instead of the giving end was a humbling experience. Getting to provide the young one’s with gifts was a blessing in itself. Yet the real gift came in the form of humility which came wrapped up in such joyful adornment and from such beautiful hands, that we were forced to humbly accept what was set before us. These grand gifts from every single angel gave us the gifts of hope and belief. Hope & belief that things will be get better and we will get through this. Belief that there are many wonderfully kind human beings in this world and that some of them chose to walk this journey along side of us.
It’s because of some of these angels that I found myself in the store late last Wednesday night, and being reminded by this down trodden woman, of how truly blessed we are to have enough of those things that cannot be bought. When I got back inside my vehicle I broke down and cried. I cried for this woman and all others that do not have enough. The weight of the world lifted off of me as I laid my burdens down. As I embraced the reminder that I am truly not alone and that I, in fact, have more than enough, I cried tears of joy.
I prayed for those that do not have enough and then I thanked God for sending his angels to me. Angels really do walk among us.
Even though I know some of my angels may not share my spiritual beliefs, I personally believe God brought each one of them into my life. Please do not doubt for a second dear angels, you have made my life better just by knowing you.
Dearest angels(you know who you are), thank you for not only your generosity, but your friendship. Thank you for giving me hope and belief that I am never alone. Thank you for reminding me that there are way more good people in this world then bad. Thank you for caring about me and my family. You cannot possibly know the fullness of what your gifts meant to us.
So despite my aching heart over missing my loved ones, I went into Thursday with a whole new attitude. Getting 8 new inches of snow didn’t stop us from enjoying our family Christmas that Thursday night. Even though I still felt the absence of those that were missing, I felt like I was being hugged by joy, just being surrounded by those I love and knowing the value of it.
On Christmas eve, as the little’s and I talked about Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus being born in a barn, I was struck by their innocent belief. They pulled me into their excitement of shepherds, angels and a baby laying in a manger. What a gift to see all these things through their eyes and to be reminded of what I believe.
The day after Christmas I received one of the greatest gifts. My eldest son called to tell me that he had proposed to his girlfriend on Christmas night! I knew he was going to because he had shown me the ring when we had family Christmas but I didn’t know when he was going to actually propose and of course what if she said “No.”? Happily she said “yes” and so now it sounds like there will be a wedding in 2011. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better daughter in law so I am doing the happy dance over gaining not only another “daughter” but a grandson as well, since she has an 8 year old son.
After taking down Christmas all day Monday(in spite of little lady’s protests and cries at keeping our tree up “every single day of the year”),cleaning the house and getting our home back to normal, and then working Tuesday and Wednesday, I am not only exhausted but happy to be home today.
Since we are getting freezing rain as I type and it’s going to be turning into snow by this afternoon, and expected to continue through tomorrow, I am even more thankful to be home over the next few days. I can hardly complain because we had been experiencing a heat wave the past few days with temperatures around 30! That doesn’t happen here very often.
So today I am home and have spent the start of my day reflecting on this past week and I am beyond overwhelmed with this feeling of such gratefulness over having more than enough…which is more than I ever dreamed of having. A lot of the credit for my renewed hope goes to all you angels. Whether it’s been something tangible, kind words of support and love, prayers or sending me love and hugs, I thank you. I wrap myself in the warmth of all that is mine and with the knowledge that I can share my abundance. I do have something to give after all.
I end this post with saying, my hope for each one of you is that you have enough…enough of all those things that matter the most…enough hope & belief that makes life a joy to live. As 2010 comes to an end, may you look back and see things to be grateful for. My hope for each of you is that 2011 ushers in an abundance of hope, joy, love, peace, belief and kindnesses into your lives, no matter what circumstances come your way.
My task for today and tomorrow is to decide on my word for 2011. Confidence was my word for 2010 and it has served me well. I may have a ways to go yet but I feel I have come closer to gaining the confidence that I so desire. Do you have a word for 2011?
Until next time, much love and hugs being sent your way, Lori