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Friday, March 4, 2011

Pain

I really do not know what to say. I sit here looking at the computer screen and I cry.

For what it’s worth, I’ve missed you. And your words. A lot. I  visit you on occasion. Hungering for words that could distract my mind from what is…chewing on your words…yet I leave without saying anything because I am speechless. Go figure. Me with my long winded comments has been silenced. I have nothing to offer anyone. And this makes me beyond sad.

I’ve thought about a hundred things to write about but words escape me. When I think about writing about why I have been absent here and why I haven’t visited your place, I struggle to find the words.  I cannot stand superficial or people that pretend to be who they are not. I like the real deal. Yet, here I am finding it really hard to be “real” because I don’t like spewing out negativity. If you have spent any amount of time here then you know that. Still here I am. Spewing out what is within the walls of my world. And it’s not positive…so if you are steering away from negativity, now is the time to click away from here.

Pain has swallowed me up. Intense therapy has made things worse which although I know it’s normal for it to get worse before it gets better, doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. It sucks the life out of me and makes me feel less then human. It’s leaving me bruised and wore out.

Since there is nothing that takes this kind of pain completely away, there really is nothing that the medical community can offer me to relieve it. Maybe it’s crazy that I refuse to take any pain medications but after spending the first two years of my injury going that route I know it’s not the answer. I will not cloud my mind and fill my body up with substances that mess me up and don’t really help anyways. Pain medications are not meant to be taken long term and after awhile our bodies build up immunity to them.

The things that can help with pain…. Alternative things… are not allowed by worker compensation. They do help because I have experienced their benefits but are not an option right now. Things like acupuncture, medical marijuana, healing touch and massage. They are either not in the budget or not legal in Minnesota. I know people who are using all of these to help with pain, and for other ailments. I know someone with severe arthritis that manages her pain and sleeps through the night(after years of not sleeping) with the help of the medical marijuana. This is enough to make me want to move to a state in which it is legal…and if this state was warmer(and with less snow) than where I live now, it would be an added bonus.

The thing is, just to get the intense therapy that I am getting now, which borders on the alternative, I had to jump through hoops and go through the court system to get it. They put me through 9 months of court fighting over me getting this therapy that costs them $150 a session, yet ironically they had no issue with providing me with morphine, other narcotics and drugs that cost well over $5,000 EVERY month for 2 years. The thing is, this therapy helps and the narcotics do not. The fact that they only approved for me to have 12 sessions means that if my therapist wants me to have more I will likely have to fight for it. And I’m not sure I’m up for it.

I am forced to face the truth of living a life with pain. Saying goodbye to what was and welcoming what is, is not easy. I can pretend it doesn’t bother me. I can say all the right things to convince those around me it is just fine. But, sometimes it just isn’t. I’m not fine. In these moments that I lose hope I feel far from fine. I loved that job. I was passionate about it…hell I still am passionate about it.

I’ve been a step away from saying goodbye…calling it quits…I dream about dying and it feels good. Actually that is the only time I have good dreams these days. It feels good to be done…but then I wake up and I’m still here, in pain…either that or I wake up in total terror because of the monster that visits me when my eye’s are closed…the one that attacks me over and over again while I sleep that leaves me wishing I never had to sleep. When I finally get up after only a couple hours of sleep I promise myself that I only have to make it through today.

I am sure my thyroid that is still giving me issues only compounds everything.

I know this long, cold, snow filled winter, that has kept us inside a lot, has not helped matters. The bitter cold does make my pain levels higher and all this never ending “togetherness” is causing all 7 of us in this house to be a little bit stir crazy. There is no end in sight either as the big piles of snow are not going down and there is talk of a lot more being added to it in the near future. Actually I can handle  more snow than the bitter cold days and the winds that blow snow across the roads, making them icy.

High pain levels increase the PTSD symptoms. I find myself fretting about being attacked again. It really is ridiculous because I am not in danger of being attacked. I find myself not wanting to sit where people can come up behind me. I have less tolerance for loud noises. I startle easier. There are moments that the cloud of fear is so strong that it is hard to see through the fog. I rarely leave my house except to go to work or to go to therapy. Not just because it’s cold or hard to be out in public but more because masking the face of pain is exhausting.  Making sure no one see’s how much I’m hurting is a full time job.

I am seeing a counselor that specializes in chronic pain and PTSD. He say’s that everything I am experiencing is normal for someone in my position. He say’s it’s perfectly normal for people that live with pain to go through periods of wanting to throw in the towel. He would like to see me go through the pain program again. He also say’s it’s time for me to express my anger about the attack, my attacker and the company that did nothing to protect me. When I say “I’m not angry.” he just smiles at me.

My day begins and ends with pain. In between I do all the things I can to maintain. I ice. I stretch. I breathe through it. I mediate. I pray. I try to let it go and not fight it. Not allowing any of this to stop me from living life is not easy on the best of day’s but when the day’s of high pain pile on top of each other along with the piles of tasks that need to be done around my home, I start to lose my fight to want something more.

Since pain and not sleeping so well drains me of energy, I prioritize what gets done and what doesn’t. My little’s literally get the best of me. They are at the top of my list. While they exhaust me, they give me life. Their joy for life and the simple things ... Their big love for me and the way they look at me is what keeps my heart beating. Their gentleness with me when they see the pain that I cannot hide is priceless. They breathe fresh air into the moments that I feel like I do not want to go on. They fill up my day with beautiful messes and sweet chaos and I cannot imagine life without them.

Nor could I imagine life without my husband or my adult son and daughter that fill in the gaps and give me endless support. I know it is not easy for them to see me suffering. As hard as I try to hide it, they see the pain in my eye’s and read between the lines. Giving up sleeping in or their own interests in order to drive me to therapy or to watch the little’s so that I can go. Taking the little’s outside when it warms up enough, just so that I can have some moments to breathe or coming home to the living room being dusted and vacuumed are priceless gifts they give me.

Between them and the little’s I have a reason to get up every day and to not check out of this life. They keep me from laying down and never getting back up.

The other day, in the middle of my intense therapy I broke down. After these weeks of therapy I finally felt safe enough to express the emotions that screamed to come out whenever her hands touched certain area’s of my head or neck. I had no control over my emotions. While that didn’t freak me out it did make me aware of just how much I still have inside of me and how I am still coming to terms with what happened and my new life that resulted from that.

In May it will be 9 years that I started on this journey. The physical pain and the pain of PTSD have taught me lessons I would not have learned otherwise. I am grateful for what I have learned and the people I have met because of pain. I do believe there is a reason that I am going through all of this even though I may rage against it every now and then. I know that there is a greater purpose that is bigger than me and my understanding. I know that each trial or tribulation that I have been through was an invitation to learn something that would benefit me when I got to the other side. There are blessings and lessons in these long day’s and I am trying to not miss them. 

I have always been a bit of a rebel. Okay, a lot of a rebel. Right now I feel like rebelling against what is and what I “should” be doing. I want to take this shit sandwich and throw it at my old bosses heads and see if they like how it feels.

It’s these moments that I want to stand in the middle of the room and scream out obscenities. Or I want to curl up into a ball and just cry.

I am weary and sad. I am tired of the pain gnawing at my last nerve. My hope is running on low. I am clinging to my faith but I would be lying if I said I never questioned God on all of this.

I ask myself, What am I being invited to learn right now? What would I be missing out on if I wasn’t  in this present moment, pain, exhaustion and all? Would I be missing out on these precious simple moments because I would be too busy “doing”? Being forced to literally “stop” I am forced to see what I may miss other wise.  I know that even though I may not “feel” it right now, I have a great life and much to be grateful for.

As I was getting ready to go to work a couple of weeks ago, my husband was asking about all the work that needed to be done and sounded kind of exasperated about doing it while caring for the youngest 2 little’s. Without missing a beat, little lady say’s to him, “Welcome to Mommy’s world.” Too funny and so true.

It’s things like this that fill my day’s and not only put’s smiles on my face but reminds me of why I can’t check out of this life.

I am not sure if I will have the guts to push publish on this post but if I do I ask that if you are a prayer, that you would pray for us here. I ask that you would send positive thoughts our way.

I promise that I will be by to visit you and leaving my two cents worth as soon as I have something to offer. I really do miss you.

Until next time, love & hugs, Lori

 

  

 

65 comments:

The Incredible Woody said...

It brings tears to my eyes to read about your struggles. I wish I had something wise to say....But all I can say is I will be sending waves of warmth and comfort to you. You will remain in the forefront of my thoughts and prayers. Much love!

jpooh said...

Oh, Lori. I, too, don't know what to say - I so wish there was something I could do to relieve you of just a little of the pain.

(((Lori)))

Jan

Busy Bee Suz said...

I have to tell you that I almost sent you a note this week....not hearing from you made me wonder. I had a feeling you were going through some bad stuff. I am so sorry. I wish a million wishes that I could take your pain away.
I will send up prayers in your name, for some relief, some normalcy. I can't imagine what you go through daily....
You are such a wonderful soul; a kind hearted person.
I am glad your family is there for you. I laughed at the "welcome to Mommy's world" comment. Those kids are priceless little treasures.
Healing hugs and love your way.
xoxoxo
Suz

ps. I would look into the medical marijuana thing...even if it is NOT legal. You need something to help and in my mind, that would be a lot better than over the counter narcotics.

Just Be Real said...

Lori I am so very sorry for your pain. ((((Lori))))

My Aimless Infatuation said...

(((Hugs)))for you and prayers going up. I also agree about the alternatives,marijuana over morphine,any day! After all the God I pray to, put the herbs here for us.

wolfie185 said...

Dearest Lori, I/we love you for who you are! Everybody gets frustrated or negative on occasion, if they say otherwise they are lying, life isn't always chocolate cake and good coffee. It is good to vent out what you are really feeling inside, it is probably the healthiest thing you can to for yourself right now. If you keep it inside, the stress will keep away any healing; physical, mental or spiritual.

I laughed along with your Dr., you are very angry and have a right to be. It has taken me years to understand it is alright to be angry, it is a natural emotion and can't be stopped. I just had to learn how to express my anger in a healthy way; not bottling it up nor blowing up. I am still working on this, some days are better than others. My biggest problem is with bottling it up, my dad was very angry a lot of the time, it came out in physical and mental abuse towards us. I never wanted to act like him so I stuffed my frustrations/anger, what happened next was I would become miserable because I put myself in a place where my needs where not being met. This is rather different than the angry you have but still you need to get it out, you were violated, some part of you died, you need to grieve for this part and anger is part of grieving.

My 2 cents worth about God when life sucks is this; I don't believe God is directly involved in what created the sucky situation. I believe in the situation God's role is for comfort, these situations arise so we can grow in our faith, the use of spiritual tools. Patience isn't a strong suit for me but the last weeks have been a lesson from my God in how to deal with idle time and the unknowns in my life.

Oh yeah, drug companies partially run the government, so of course the government will prescribe treatment which benefits them. Natural treatments don't have powerful lobbies, so they are out of the loop when it comes to government sponsored treatment, same goes for alternative medicine.

Sending positive energy and prayers your way.

Hugs from Nebraska

Linda said...

Lori, thanks for posting this. I'm continuing to pray for you. I loved Little Miss' comment to your hubby, "Welcome to Mommy's world." Out of the mouths of babes...

Elizabeth Grimes said...

So sorry for your pain. All I can think to say is that I believe God allows everything to happen for a reason. Some are given more burdens to bare, but the potential in that is to inspire and help more people. Perhaps your words are reaching someone in a similar position and telling them that others do feel this way. And perhaps that will be a positive step towards their healing. I believe that you can get through your struggles and feel joy and happiness every day, rather than pain. I'll pray that for you.

Colleen said...

So much love back to you my dear Lori. I am so sorry for your pain, I wish that you didn't have to experience this, any of it. You are such a strong woman and I find it remarkable that even in this post, you DO focus on the positive. Your spirit, courage and resilience touche me deeply...
Praying for you.

Zella said...

Sending positive light & love to you Lori, along with healing thoughts. Nothing wrong with expressing negative thoughts, writing about them is therapeutic...and the more you try to hide the pain, the more it builds up inside you. Nobody's judging you, there's only love here. Take care of yourself. xo

Anvilcloud said...

We're new to each other, and I don't know your story, but you are courageous woman to live through what you live through and to put it out there for us to glimpse. I think I will go and count my blessings right now.

Brian Miller said...

you certainly have my prayers and anythin else i can send your way...its heartbreaking and i am glad you are still there...

((lori))

mommytoalot said...

Lori,
I've been thinking about you and have missed your kind and uplifting comments. I think of you and your beautiful family often.
...
The pain, I cannot imagine. I sure wish your health care would cover some of that. I think acupuncture helps, as for medical marijuana I thought it was legal everywhere.
I heard it works wonders for pain..
in my thoughts and prayers
Lisa
xo

Hilary said...

Beautiful Lori, I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much. I hope you soon find something to ease the pain. You know, the vast majority of folks who smoke marijuana, medicinally or otherwise are not getting it legally. I don't see why you should have to deny getting yourself some relief by adhering to an unreasonable/backward state law (imo). Why not look into acquiring some to help deal with your pain. A little goes a long way.

"When I say “I’m not angry.” he just smiles at me." .... It might also help somewhat for you to acknowledge and address your anger. Surely it's there. I feel it for you.

You are and will continue to be in my very best thoughts. I wish you relief from your pain, and strength. Goodness knows you have much of the latter.

Hugs to you.

slommler said...

You will definitely have my prayers Lori...you and the family!!! I too wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom to share with you. But all I can offer is my love and prayers.
I am praying for a healing miracle!! And I truly believe in the power of prayer!!
Don't give up sweetie...we are all praying!!
Hugging you
SueAnn

Rita said...

As my precious adopted 4 yr old great niece says, "Oh my MOG". (I hope that makes you smile a little.)

I cannot imagine living with this day to day. The closest I can relate to is having migraines 4 days out of 7 all the time, year after year until Glaxo Wellcome and God developed Imitrex.

Long past those days and I know they are nothing compared to what you are suffering through.

Will keep you and your family in my prayers. Your (virtual) friends do care and will stick by your long absences and will worry and pray when they are too long.

If only we could know the reasoning for God's plan maybe these kinds of things would be easier to understand.

XLMIC said...

Sending love and strength and ((((hugs)))) in abundance. Wishing I could take all the pain and negativity and fear away... just dissolve it. Knowing how hard it is to live with all of that, having no real advice to offer... just an ear to listen and a heart to feel. :)

Kit Kat said...

Oh Lori! I wish I could make your pain go away! I can only imagine what you are going through. I've spent only a few months unable to live my life, and I am finding it too difficult to deal with. There are days where throwing in the towel does seem better... But I must hang in, and you do too.
You are right, you are not in vain going through all this. I will pray for you!
Love.

kcinnova said...

Lori, I am so grateful that you had "the guts to push publish" and share your heart with us. How else can we know to lift you up in prayer?
I wish I had the ability to relieve you of the burden of such awful pain, to give you a night of restful and peaceful sleep, to provide those alternative therapies that work. I am praying (yes, right now) that someone be allowed into your life who can provide one of those therapies for you, be it acupuncture or healing touch or the others.
You are so compassionate and loving, and clearly the little ones know it! (Oh, sweet little lady!) Please allow yourself to be open to the compassion of others.
(Would an acquaintance of your husband or adult children know how to get you what you need in the form of MM? Just a thought.)

You are LOVED. ♥

ladyfi said...

I'm so very very sorry to hear about your pain. I can't imagine having to live with those levels for so long.

You are a brave and wonderful person. Remember that!

Natalie said...

Love you, Lori. ♥

Garnetrose said...

Oh, Lori, I wanted to cry also while reading it but I can understand why you feel as you do. My one daughter had terrible things happen to her years ago and, life is often a daily struggle for her too.

When my mom was alive, I considered looking into marijuana for her pain too. She was in an abusive relationship that left her filled with and anger. Plus she was almost blind from glaucoma. I was willing to do anything to try and help her.

I am so glad you have family and I do not mind your posting how you feel about things. I do that too and times and often feel like the people are tired of hearing about my aches and pains but this is a great form for getting things off your chest and there is always someone who knows what you are going through. They will read and understand.

And, yes, as a christian, I still wonder where God is at times but I think He is there to try and help you through things. He does not prevent things but He is there to lean on when you need Him. Sometimes the words sound hollow but they are true.

I am sending prayers your way and I do hope you can soon see a light at the end of the tunnel. God bless you.

Kids do say the funniest and darnedest things at the right time, it seems.

I would go for the marijuana treatment.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Lori,

I wish I could wave a magic wand. I wish I could have the right words. Spring is soon to arrive and I hope that will provide some relief. Meanwhile, you take good care. I'm praying for you as I type.

LPC said...

Oh Lori, what can we do for you? You should ask. If there's anything.

Kathryn Magendie said...

sending you big hugs and then a bigger one . . .

I know about pain - I know about days of darkness - and always there is the day that shines so brightly that we almost have to look away - and there are the little hands in ours, and the people who love and cherish us - and for those things, well, that's a reason to keep on going

hug

LauraX said...

Lori,
I am so sorry that you are suffering as deeply and continuously as you are. I am sorry that I have not been by to visit. I wish there was something I could do for you my friend, some way to bring ease into your life. Later this month I will be starting a meditation call once a week with other women living with chronic pain. I know it isn't much, but it is all I have to offer. I am holding you in my prayers, cradling you in my arms with a gentle hug.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Dear Lori, Big sigh-- I don't know the words to help you feel better but I hope you know how very much you are loved and that we are all cheering you on.

Government controlled medicine is @!#$%! Priorities are sorely lacking and decision are being made in a very general way rather than treating the individual. It's so frustrating and I'm sorry you have to fight so hard for your treatment.

I'm glad you're seeing your therapist. If I might suggest you print this post and share it with him. I think it will give you both a lot to talk about.

In the meantime, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE is coming your way. xoxo jj

SciFi Dad said...

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I wish there were words I could use to make the pain go away, or at least subside for a while.

Crystal Escobar said...

I'm so so sorry to hear this. How awful!!! I will definitely be praying for you.
I do have a suggestion, but I don't want you to be offended or think I'm just trying to sell you something. I just thought, don't give up, keep trying new things, maybe you WILL find something that works and perhaps what I have to offer is the thing, perhaps it's not. But we will never know unless you try right?
Anyway, I market this 9 day cleanse that has been helping people tremendously with their health for the last 8 years. Go to my website and watch the videos, and if you're feeling up to trying yet another thing, then just click on Get Started, to order your program.
www.wannabelean.com

The Incredible Woody said...

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you today:)

deb colarossi said...

oh, I've been so mixed up in some of my own stuff.


Lori!!!

sweet sweet Lori.

I send hugs and love and prayers.

and maybe.. maybe this is the darkest of the dark night and you are going to come out the other side now.

have faith in yourself. fight for yourself.

I don't know all of your story, your pain is so real it pierces my soul.

It is almost spring.. there is always hope.

Pamela D. Hart said...

Lori: I'm a chronic pain sufferer, too. I seldom speak of it as it has a tendancy to isolate us in our relationships, as I'm sure you're aware.

This is a difficult time of year, when Spring is so near, yet it seems so far away.

Try to stay positive. I know how difficult it is. I know how easy you think it would be to just fall asleep...stay close to your Littles. They are your strength when you need it the most. I know, my sons saved me in more ways than one.

Hugs (()) But very light ones, so as not to hurt you.

Claire Marie said...

Love to you Lori. Prayers and Love.

Buckeroomama said...

Oh, Lori. Praying for you that you get through this. I've missed you and your stories of the little's.

Suldog said...

Lori - You've expressed so much raw emotion here, it would be presumptuous of me to make an offhand comment. However, that's never stopped me before, so...

You have it together as few do. You understand that there IS a greater purpose, even if the exact nature of it remains somewhat hidden. Hold onto that. It's the most important part of everything you said.

Also, as you have been doing, latch onto the simple joys of family. Savor the moments. Laugh as much as possible. It is easily, and truly, the best pain relief there is.

I'll say a prayer. And please, keep on writing. Don't be afraid of saying you feel shitty, thinking that some folks will find it uninteresting or 'negative'. If that's how you feel, then write it. Let us sort out whether or not we wish to read it. Most of us will read it, and the others you can probably do without.

LauraX said...

sending you love today Lori!

chhipa said...

I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.

Shop Towel

Unknown Mami said...

You've been in my thoughts a lot today and I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I am sending you positive thoughts.

Brian Miller said...

hey! good to see you today!

Hilary said...

Continued hugs, best thoughts and love coming your way, Lori.

Just Be Real said...

I know you have not posted in a while. Came by to give you a hug. ((((Lori))))

LauraX said...

holding you in my heart dear one.

Linda said...

Hi, Lori. I stopped over to let you know that you are still in my prayers, and I was so pleased to see how many of your other readers have been here recently to wish you well. I hope it gives some comfort to know that you have touched so many hearts out here in blogland. Your openness in your writing helps people to connect with you, and we genuinely care.

Nezzy said...

Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I do so wish there was something more I could do to help. Pain steals you joy and eats away at your life. I do so help someone can do something to give you some relief.

God bless you, sendin' big old hugs your way! :o)

LauraX said...

holding you tenderly my dear.

Suldog said...

Hi, Lori:

Just stopping by to say "Hi" and to let you know (if you didn't already) that many of us would like to hear from you, whatever you have to say. We care and would like to have a focus for our prayers, at least :-)

*HUG*

Rita said...

Haven't heard from you in three weeks, but it sure seems alot longer.

Hope you're feeling better and enjoys the littles and are simply too busy to write.

We miss your post.

ladyfi said...

Thinking of you and hope all is well with you and yours.

Zella said...

Hi Lori

Just wanted to fly by and say I'm thinking of you. I hope things are looking up a bit with the approaching spring.....take good care of yourself (and all the time you need to recharge)

xo

Hilary said...

You were on my mind this morning as you often are. Just wanted to let you know that I keep you and yours in my very best thoughts. Sending love and hugs your way, Lori.

dana said...

I was just diagnosed with PTSD in February and now I actually find someone with it????? Yegads!!

I feel like I'm laying in a shallow trench while there's bombs bursting in midair! (truly)

dana said...

I was just diagnosed with PTSD in February and now I actually find someone with it????? Yegads!!

I feel like I'm laying in a shallow trench while there's bombs bursting in midair! (truly)

Deborah said...

Sending prayers, positivity, healing, love and hugs your way x

LauraX said...

thinking of you today lori...sending love and healing energy!

Garnetrose said...

Like others, I wish there is something I can say to relieve your pain but all I can do is offer prayers for you and your family. I know what therapy is like and how painful it can be to relive some things in our lives that we would like to stay buried. No one knows what it is like unless they go thru and I I went thru along with my family. They suffered with me because of how it affected me afterwards.

But it works. It takes time but it will work. I enjoy your posts very much and there is nothing fake about them. You don't post for the sake of having something to say every day. You post what is in your heart and that is what is important to me. You are one of the few I think would be great to know in real life because you seem like such a wonderful, giving person and it is a shame that you are going thru so much. I am allergic to morphine so it would not help me to take it. I will be thinking of you and praying you get to feeling better.

LauraX said...

thinking of you today, dear one...sending you loving healing energy and a blessing for peace.

Life with Kaishon said...

I hurt to read this Lori. I was worried about you. I knew that something just like this was happening and it saddens me. I wish I could do something to help. So thankful Spring is finally hear. I pray it is with you in Minnesota as well. Sending love. Becky

The Incredible Woody said...

I was just thinking about you. I am praying your pain has eased and that spring is finally showing its face in MN. Love you.

Fragrant Liar said...

I've been away for awhile, so I missed this post, and now that I've read it . . . it's just so filled with pain, I wished I could be there to give you some hugs and encouragement. I am so sorry you're going through this, and since it's been awhile since you posted an update, I'm concerned. I am sending you my best wishes and prayers for emotional and physical healing, Lori. You are well loved, sister. Hang in there, and let us know how you're doing.

xoxoxoxoxo
Kimber

Just Be Real said...

Another ((((Lori))))

Shrinky said...

Oh Lori, you make me feel so ashamed at how I moan over my petty gripes. I am not a pray-er, but I do believe in the power of warm thoughts, and am sending you an entire tidal wave of them as I type. Please know how loved and valued you are, sweet lady - we've missed you, and I am so glad you had the courage and summoned the energy to let us know what is going on with you. I'm not enclosing any platitudes, just love. ((x))

LauraX said...

You are on my mind often Lori...I am hoping as the weather eases up so will the intensity of your pain. Sending you loving healing energy.

Zella said...

Happy Easter Lori, thinking of you. Hope the spring has arrived and the sun is warming your heart and body.

kcinnova said...

Lori, you have been on my mind and my heart often in these past weeks. I pray that spring is bringing relief to your soul. I wish I could provide those alternative therapies that work.
With love and gentle, gentle hugs,
KC

Colleen said...

I miss you Lori and am praying you feel so much better soon dear friend.