My husband had his surgery this past week. The surgery went well and he is at home recuperating. The surgeon also said that it may not take him as long to recover as a previous doctor had told us, so we are hoping that he will be able to return to his regular job sooner then later. In the meantime, he is home until the doctor releases him to return for light duty. Then his boss will have him work in the milk bottling plant until he can go back to his regular milk delivery route. I think his boss is realizing how much he does since there are 2 people doing his job and they are taking 3 hours longer to do it each day.
These past weeks leading up to the surgery meant me taking more of the load of parenting the little’s because of how my husband was feeling and now after the surgery, all of it. This time of doing it all leaves me very grateful that I have a husband that shares in parenting duty with me, as well as caring for our home. As you know, with my injury, my husband has had to carry the load more often then not. Now I am wearing his shoes and it has not been easy. Thankfully I have experienced being a single mother and that ability to rise above, kicks in.
It doesn’t help that it has been bitter cold, so I haven’t been able to send the little’s outside to play and if I do, it takes longer to get them all bundled up and then everything off and put back away when they come back inside ,then the amount of time they actually spend outside. The snow is so deep that the younger two don’t care to go out as much because they literally get stuck in the snow, thus leaving behind boots stuck in the snow, with tears falling.
Nonetheless, there are 3 stir crazy little’s creating beautiful messes and making lots of beautiful noise. I have been doing my best to keep it quiet and relaxing for my husband. Who am I kidding? It is a 3 ring circus at my house. How he is able to sleep through these circus acts is beyond me.
On Thursday, after getting my husband home and tucked away in bed, I received a phone call from little man’s Kindergarten teacher. Come to find out that he had missed the school bus that morning and instead of walking back to the house where my son would have driven him to school, he instead started out walking to the school. Granted we live in a small rural community but it is spread out and the school is on the other side of town, which is why he has to take a bus in the first place. Need I mention that it was below 0 that morning?
Our town police chief stopped him and asked him where he was going. After little man explained to the policeman that “Mommy took Daddy to the hospital to get his body fixed and that he had missed the bus so he just had to walk to school because he has always wanted to walk to school.” the policeman took him to school and delivered him to his classroom with little man leading the way.
My mind screamed in panic as I listened to the teacher. I had to remind myself to breathe. Just writing this makes my heart to beat faster. She reassured me he was fine and that both she and the policeman talked with him about it.
Once I got past imagining all the possibilities of what could have happened, I was able to be very thankful we live in a safe small town and that he had been wearing warm outside gear. I had approximately 45 minutes to get myself calm before he got home from school.
I picture him trudging along with his big back pack, and with that big smile on his face. What a sight he must have been. Even now I cannot help but smile at what he must have looked like.
I talked to him and tried to explain the seriousness of the situation. I explained over and over again why he can’t do this and what could have happened. I talked and talked some more. Of course at 5 years he is unable to comprehend the dangers and while I want him to “get it”, I don’t want to instill such fear in him that he lives in deep fear either.
Quite honestly, he was and still is quite proud of himself for “making it so far all by myself” and getting to ride in a police car to school and then walked to his classroom by the policeman. After much talking, I do think he gets why he cannot walk that far all by himself but no matter what I or anyone has said to him, we cannot make him not be proud or excited about his adventure. It really was hard to keep a straight face through out this because he smiled through out much of it because he was that happy about it.
I am pretty sure I gained at least a dozen new gray hairs over this.
Even after all that talking, he excitedly told his sister and cousin about his police car ride and long walk to school. Ugh! I guess I am not the only one seeking new adventures.
This is my year of seeking. Or so I thought. I guess someone else is seeking too and it’s my job to make sure that he seeks in safety.
Seek and ye shall find.
I seek more peace and quiet yet my life is more like a circus act filled with beautiful noise. I seek order and for things to stay in their places, yet I am constantly surrounded by beautiful messes. And yet what would we do without these little creators of all things beautiful? Without them, we would have more peace and quiet. Without them we would have more order in our home and things would stay in their place.
Yet without them we would be without all the big beautiful love they bring to our table. Without them we would miss out on this big beautiful fun, which includes noise and messes. And lots of them.
This means I must be more creative in my seeking for these the moments of solitude. It means staying up a little later or getting up a little earlier in order to capture the quiet. This means I must step back, take some deep breathes and accept the fact that I do not live in a home on display but instead a home that is filled to the brim with being lived in. Living with 3 active little’s and 3 other busy adults ensures that fact.
As much as I clean, and make the little’s clean up mess after mess, I will not have a spotless home, so the lived in look is going to have to do. I seek to accept this fact, that unless I want to drive myself completely insane in the attempt to keep it to such a high standard, it will not be. Embracing my beautiful messes and the noise that fill it, makes it much easier to enjoy the moments at hand because then I am not raging full force ahead to attain some impossible expectation I’ve created for myself.
Still, I seek to bring some order to the chaos and to slow this circus act down, so that when I come to the table, I am not sticking my elbows on yesterdays peanut butter & jelly. For my sanity, I seek to maintain some level of balance, peace and order in all of this chaos, without hurting little hearts and tearing out my own.
Our table is full. We have beautiful messes. We have beautiful noise. It may seem like a circus act at times. Love may have a dirty face much of the time but it sure is sweet to look it in the face and to be reminded that much of what I seek is already right in front of me. I just have to open my eye’s and see.
I cannot close without saying thank you for all the thoughts, prayers and support you’ve given through my husbands surgery. You are very much appreciated.
Until next time, hugs & love, Lori