In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Inconvenient Truths

Seeking to embrace is a noble and good thing to strive for but the truth is, it is not an easy task. Putting myself out there and making myself accountable in order to meet this challenge means I must be open to the feed back presented to me. Giving people permission to say what I need to hear, means learning to shut my mouth and just listening instead of defending or making excuses. It is humbling to say the least.

Over this past week others have confronted me over my tolerating things I shouldn’t. I have had to listen to things I didn’t want to hear. I feel stupid. Even though I am trying not to own that feeling, I cannot help but wonder if I will ever get it?  


The truth is, seeking to embrace myself and my life is not necessarily convenient for everyone around me right now. But, if not now, when? My changing means I am no longer fitting into my old roles. This upsets the apple cart. It feels like apples are spilled everywhere and I am not so sure where to put them back. Finding my way on this journey of seeking means I must face the inconvenient truths and somehow find a way to get past them.

My standing up for myself and not tolerating things I shouldn’t, means others have to figure out a different way to address me. My changing means others have to learn how to function with a different me. My taking time for myself means other things don’t get done. My not getting things done can be inconvenient for everyone else.  My stepping away means others are having to be responsible and they don’t always like it.


Another inconvenient truth is that my thyroid is still an issue and could keep me from losing the weight I gained. Even though I am still eating healthy and watching my calorie intake and I have been given the go ahead to start back walking by my doctor, she warned me that it is common to have difficulty losing weight. I am trying really hard to not focus on that because it makes me sick to think of staying like I am now. I am just being honest here. I don’t feel good with the extra weight and I fear that it will be a stumbling block to embracing myself.


This past week I have been..


…replacing I can’t with I can

…believing instead of doubting myself

…speaking up instead of shutting up

…catching the self negative thoughts and words and turning them around

…affirming myself

…breathing through the high pain levels

…asking others to help around the house

…walking 2 miles each day

…paying attention to what I am feeling

…honest with my loved ones at risk of making them angry with me

…drinking a lot of water and mindful about what I eat

…trying to be more gentle with myself

…giving myself grace



To top it off this coming weekend, I am treating myself to a girls only weekend. The only breaks I usually get are when I go to work the two days a week, so I really need this time away. I am choosing to ignore the guilty feelings I am having. No matter how much the little’s cry and beg me not to go, I am going and I know they will be perfectly fine without me.

I will be getting together with old girlfriends at one of their homes not far from here. I am looking forward to reconnecting with these women I have known for a long time. While I jumped aboard the Mommy train again, they continued on the path that one takes when one’s children grow up and move out. Even though we have remained friends, my having little one’s again and them not having little one’s meant our lives went in different directions.

I am really excited about getting adult only conversation and beverages, getting to eat hot food and not being responsible for little one’s.

I plan to let loose…to laugh and talk and sing and dance and just have fun. I plan to embrace every single moment of this time with these precious women.

Before I end, I must say thank you for supporting my adventure of seeking to embrace myself and for believing in my ability to do so. Thank you for all your encouragement and for standing by me.


Until next time, love & hugs, Lori




Jeannie said...

Have a wonderful time. And DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! What you have been doing is above and beyond. The littles will definitely survive and it will be good for them to know this also. Do it for them. While it is wonderful to feel needed, it is also stifling. Being the you who does not need to watch out for anyone else for a couple days will be such a treat for you. Enjoy every moment.
I think your endeavor this year is so brave. I have tried to assert myself in the past and people really don't like it. They like that you do and do for them without asking anything in return. They get angry when suddenly you do not drop everything for them. They don't like doing for themselves or god forbid - help you! I have managed some small victories but there are many areas where I have retreated. But in any case, what you gain is more self respect and respect from others.

TechnoBabe said...

Standing up for yourself and making changes you feel are for your betterment are just that; for you; for your good health. You have no responsibility for how others react to your changes, nor do you have control of them. Letting go of them frees you up to work on your own stuff. Keep up the work.

kcinnova said...

A growth opportunity for you, a temporary inconvenience for others... and someday the realization that taking time to relax and rejuvenate yourself was the best example you could give them.

My only trouble with my own times away from family for R&R is that I am tempted to be "short" with them upon my return... whether that is because my time was so short, or --more likely-- I expected too much of them in my absence and upon my return.
So I wish for you, dear Lori, that you have a wonderful R&R and return home with no expectations of your family (that way, you can celebrate any and all improvements).

Just Be Real said...

I read power in this post Lori. Something I can hold on to as well. Enjoy and do not feel guilty. You are pressing on making great strides.

Elizabeth Grimes said...

Again, I can so identify with what you're saying, even though my circumstances are entirely different. Congratulations on the difficult changes you're making, I know they will have a positive affect in your life. Have a wonderful time with your friends!

Linda said...

Have a great weekend, Lori!

My Aimless Infatuation said...

Oh Lori,I hope to see a post next week about what a glorious weekend you had. Forget everything and just be you,this will be just what you (and the little's) need. I have always had the "guilt" problem too but last year when I was so sick and in the hospital for a week(not even knowing I was in this world) I learned a valuable lesson. If we let go and trust our family,they will step up to the plate and do a good job. Taking time for yourself will make you happier(and healthier) and in the end everyone wins. Sorry I rambled so long,have a GREAT time and have NO regrets! You have earned it!

Brian Miller said...

go have fun...and those are hard truths we have to face about ourselves..i think we all can fall into tolerance to keep the peace...stay strong...

SciFi Dad said...

Change is never easy; everyone in your life loves you and will still love you after you've adjusted to your new approach.

Have a fun weekend!

Joyce A Gray said...

I am so happy that you are going to have a girl's weekend. It will be so go for you and for your family. You will come back to them refreshed and rested. I cherish the away time I get to spend with my best friend, there is nothing like it. Enjoy every minute.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I am so glad you are standing up for yourself, stay strong in your matter what those around you say.
The exercise will make you feel better INSIDE even if the outside does not change much. Promise.
Have a beautiful weekend Lori, laugh, smile, enjoy.

Nessa said...

Change is tough but they will adjust just as you are adjusting. Growing pains eventually go away.

Jeni said...

I concur completely that you should go, have a great time with your friends (in YOUR age range -i.e. adults!) and well, just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. We all need time away from whatever is our daily norm from time to time and kids, small ones especially, much as we love and adore them, can pretty much at times suck the life juices right out of ya!
I'm in the midst of a bit of a crisis here -mainly over my son and concerning how my daughter wants me to proceed with his use of my car to go back and forth to work. He has to drive 40 miles, one way, to report for work. His truck is broke down and he has no money (just started this job a little over 2 weeks ago) to get his pickup fixed. Daughter wants me to tell him to find his own way to and from work -get one of his drinking buds to drive him there or borrow someone else's vehicle. And if I lay down and edict like that, knowing pretty much he will then have no way to get to and from work, am I still helping him by -in her opinion -making him do for himself or am I hurting him a whole lot more in the doing there? Bitch of a quandry it is there for sure. Plus, I do hate decisions to begin with anyway. Let me go away to your little retreat with you, please? I need a break right about now so I can avoid this conflict here.

Friko said...

Wonderful, I am truly impressed. You are on the right path to yourself. It is essential that we are kind to ourselves, how else could we be truly kind to others.

You are responsible for your own actions, if others do not agree with you and your actions, it is for them to work out how to deal with that. NOT YOU.

Natalie said...

Whoo Hoo! Go you! Have a wonderful time, Lori, you will feel SO much better because of it. Also, you are doing SO Well. ♥

Hilary said...

Sounds like you're off to a wonderful start on your path of self-growth. Good for you. Have a wonderful weekend with your friends.

LPC said...

Lori - some people are harder to stand up to than others. The littles will only benefit from you replenishing yourself.

Deborah said...

Lori, I am so excited for you about your upcoming weekend. You deserve the Rest and Relaxation. Have fun, laugh a lot!
For some reason as I read your post, some quotes I remember from Eleanor Roosevelt came to mind. She inspires me with her words. here's a link to a bunch of her quotes if you are interested.
By the way, You have commented on several of my posts, and I usually respond on my post to you, but I'm not sure if you know that I'm doing that. Do you get a notification that I have responded to you? Didn't want you to think I was ignoring your comments/questions! :)

Sandra said...

Love your plan Lori. Especially the one about not tolerating bad treatment from others. Verbalize! Stand up for yourself. Only you can advocate for yourself! I hate to sound like I know it all, but seriously, my life got 100% better once I decided I was worth it, and started saying to people, "Excuse me, you can't speak to me that way." People were shocked. And now they know the boundaries...ok, climbing off from the soapbox...sowwy...

wolfie185 said...

Lori, you will get it! You are doing really well. The balance for you and your family will come in time. There will be some trail and error, which is to be expected, just don't give up when you make a mistake. The girls weekend sounds wonderful!!

Hugs from Nebraska. I have little running wild in my house this weekend, she is having fun and so is grandpa, really keeping my mind in the present and not wondering about what is or isn't going to happen next week.

Hugs again

Anonymous said...

You NEED this time away and will be a better person for it. Enjoy it without any guilt at all!

Kit Kat said...

I am proud of you! For what you have already accomplished in this journey, and for what you are striving to accomplish.
Enjoy yourself!

Anonymous said...

The warmest of embraces out to you on your journey. A beam of support, too, for who you are and how you touch those around you.

Enjoy your weekend!

Colleen said...

Lori, fist of all, I am so pleased to hear all these beautiful things you are doing for yourself, the transformations you are making in yourself and your life. I hope that you have a wonderful time with your need that, it helps heal the soul. Also you deserve to be gentle with yourself, I love that.
And so true that there are always people who don't like to see someone grow and change...they strive to keep you the same way you've always been. I don't know why, maybe they feel threatened by your desire to grow. I admire you for doing this in the face of that. You have so many people who believe you will get there.

You are so good and lovely, inside and out. I'm proud to call you a friend Lori.


Zella said...

I hope you are enjoying your weekend with your friends, sounds wonderful. Please, do not let guilt ruin it, remember you can control your emotions and feelings so: begone guilt !!

Be gentle with yourself on this path of becoming the real you, and be assertive with anyone who tries to stop you from becoming the real you...because you're worth it :)

Katherine said...

You are such a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart!

Do not feel guilty.

Much much love,

K xx

deb said...

Lori, I imagine you are in the middle of a fabulous weekend while I'm typing this.

I send the most heartfelt wishes for peace as you continue on this journey. It's hard , yes, but there really isn't an alternative.

It was very hard for me to start saying no sometimes, but in the strangest way people learned to respect me more and I learned to respect myself.

love to you,


Midlife Jobhunter said...

Lori, you sound so healthy right now. I admire you.

Hope you had a lovely time with your friends - and you should schedule those more often. Funny of when we change what we do, others are forced to change what they do. Catches them off guard. Probably will serve them better in life - and definitely serves us better.

Take good care and send me some of those walking waves.

LauraX said...

Lori...I hope you are having an amazing time with your friends!!! This is so critical for YOU, but for your husband and the children too. This kind of separation and modeling self care, asking others to step up to the plate responsibly is a gift to everyone...a win-win all around...even if they don't realize it (or you don't) right away. I'm so proud of you!


She Writes said...

Brave you, Lori. You will conquer because you see the enemy and are sizing up a battle that is possible for you to win. Hang in there and keep at it. It's worth where you going!

Jen said...

I'm new to your blog, so I don't know the full back story, but I do know that you should not feel guilty for demanding things like respect and a little time to pursue your own interests. I sometimes let people get away with a bit too much myself...I know it's not always easy.

Enjoy your time with your friends and don't feel one bit guilty.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'm on my feet, cheering really loudly for YOU!!!! One step at a time, moving forward each day. YEAH FOR YOU.

And, have a fantastic and well-deserved weekend away. Enjoy every minute.

xo jj

mommytoalot said...

Lori, do not let anyone stop you. You are on a roll girl. And, yes sometimes that guilt will step in, but wash it away with your happy thoughts. I am so happy to hear you had a girls night out. Sounds like it was going to be a fun time for you.
Keep it up Lori...stand up for yourself, be proud..and try to put that guilty monster to rest

Buckeroomama said...

It's normal to feel guilty. Allow yourself a little bit of guilt, if you must, but don't let it consume you.

Have with the girls!

Selena said...

You go girl!