I can hardly believe that I am sitting here typing at my computer. I have missed writing down my thoughts and reading your comments. I have missed this place, this blogging community, more than most people could know. I have missed visiting you…reading your words…that encourage me, challenge me and teach me…and make me smile and laugh. I know I have said this before, but I will say it again. You people mean a lot to me and I consider you my friends. You, in your own corners of the world, have amazing voices, that touch me. You make me want to be a better person and challenge me to be authentic. Thank you!
Thank you, to all of you that wrote me personally or commented here, to check up on me. Thank you to all of you who have remained silent yet I know you are there. Yes, I am alive. I have not gone away for good…I am working on coming back…on getting my voice back. I never intended on being absent for the past month but somehow as things hit me and knocked me on my ass…as life unfolded…as life got a little ugly and messy…as my time was taken up unpacking, sorting through and throwing away my excess baggage that I had been carrying around for far too many years, it is something that got left behind. I have had so much to say but my voice has been lost for too many reasons to explain.
I have missed having a voice. I have missed hearing yours. I didn’t realize how much I liked having a voice and being heard, until this part of my life was taken away from me. I didn’t realize how much I liked listening to yours until it all came to a stop. I didn’t realize anyone else could see how much writing here and connecting with all of you was of such benefit to me, until my husband spoke up about it, this past week. He noticed. It is because of him, that I am here today.
After reading over my post entries that I had written since I wrote the post about addiction, on April 13th, I am both shocked and amazed that I have made it to where I am today. Not just because of what I wrote but because there were so many things that went unsaid at the time. As I read, it became clear to me that there is so much I did not write…so much that got left out. Not intentionally, but because there was no way to put into words some of the things I was going through…maybe because there was so much happening in the moment that there was no way I could have kept up…maybe because I hate sounding negative…maybe because I really didn’t know what to say…maybe because it seems like I keep running out of time…and all of that led to my being absent over this past month.
All I know is that this blogging community…this “blogmanity” like my friend Jason from The Jason Show called it some time ago, is a beautiful place. This sharing of our voices…of our lives, our dreams, our hopes, our struggles, our sins, our wisdom, our laughter, our joys, our families, our thoughts, our daily journeys…whatever it may be, is a beautiful amazing opportunity to connect with people we would other wise never know.
It is my hope to stay connected with all of you. It is my hope to gain back my voice and share with you, all that I have been learning on this journey. There is too much to share in one post and these are things that are significant to my life’s journey… and some how I know it’s important for me to record them. I want to be able to look back here a year from now and see just how far I have come. I also love getting your honest feed back.
It is also my hope to visit you and listen to your voice in the very near future. I love reading about your journey’s…love that your sharing them with me. As I continue to figure things out, it may take me some time to stop by your place, but please know I will be by soon!
Last but not least…I am still smoke free!!!! I have not had a single cigarette since April 5th!!! Now isn't that amazing?!!!