In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Love Beats Hate-The answer is Love



The word “hate” is not allowed to be used in our home. It is not part of our vocabulary.


We are an anti hate family.

We refuse to make room for hate in our hearts.

I learned a long time ago that hate will kill our spirits and steal away our souls.

I believe nothing good comes out of hate.

I believe that answering things such as racism, judgment or bullying with hate is not the answer.

I believe that hate perpetuates the evils of this world and keeps them alive.

I believe that hate in the heart is where injustices begin.

I believe  that if hate is allowed to fester it can grow like a wild fire.

I believe that the wild fire puts out joy and peace and leaves the heart charred with blackness.

I believe hate breeds with evil and gives birth to things like murder, bullying, racism and abuse in all it’s forms.

Even if it doesn’t cause one to commit injustices, I believe it can make us unhappy, miserable, sick, depressed and toxic.

I may dislike something or someone. I may feel really angry because of injustices that are done to myself, someone I love or to another human being. I may even want to hurt someone back for what they did. Still the answer is not to hate.

I believe the answer is love.


100% unequivocal love. Love that is not just a feeling but a verb. An action. Love that is not about mush or sex. Love that in unconditional. Love that doesn’t expect or demand it’s own way. Love that makes room for imperfection. Love that wakes the dead heart and makes it come alive.  Love that accepts. Love that sets free and doesn’t hold back. Love that isn’t jealous or unkind. Love that doesn’t seek revenge. Love that forgives. Love that doesn’t deny or take away. Love that doesn’t leave room for hate.

I believe that love   CIMG0009    hate any day.

I believe love can knock hate to the ground. If we let it. If we don’t stand in it’s way. 

I’ve taught this to my children, my children’s children and all the children that have ever been in my care. I teach this to my little’s now.

Most of all, I’ve tried to live it in front of them so that they could learn by my example.

Because love beating hate begins with me.

It is not always easy to choose love over hate.

There was a time that my heart was full of hate. Towards myself. A thousand times I will tell you that living a life with hate in your heart is not a good way to live. Hell actually. And I will tell you that having love set my heart free was the most beautiful feeling in the world.

It is not as though injustices haven’t happened in my life or in our family.

Things like abuse, rape, racism, bullying, suicide, incest, divorce, death and loss are not strangers to my life.  These might be ugly things but I refuse to allow them to make my heart ugly with the hate that could color my heart if I allowed it to.

Do not think for one second that when my daughter was raped at the start of her freshman year of college that I didn’t feel moments of hatred for the man that did this to her. I choose not to hate him.

When little man experiences racism I want to come out of my skin but I choose to not hate the racist. When my step daughter lies or behaves in way that hurts one of the little’s I want to come unglued but I choose to not hate her.

Having put on weight over this past year and a half due to health issues  brings out my old battle with anorexia as a young woman and causes me to struggle with self hating once again but I am choosing to not hate myself.

Being attacked at my job not only cost me my livelihood but has kept me from being able to work full time. Not to mention that I now live with pain 24/7.  Even though this person attacked me and left me with permanent injuries to my skull and neck I do not hate her. Even though the company that employed me didn’t protect me and I hold them the most responsible, I don’t hate them.

There are weeks, like this week,  that it feels like the pain is swallowing me up and I start to feel panic. This is when I have to face what has happened with love. I refuse to allow hate to enter into the picture because hate would keep me locked into  the past. Hate would hold me in bondage so tight that I would never move past this.

Hate takes up too much room in the heart. It doesn’t leave room for the good. 

Choosing love to handle the injustices in my life instead of with hate stops the cycle from repeating itself. It stops hate from having anywhere to go.

Love makes room for something more.

Hate keeps a person stuck in the muck of bitterness,  unforgiveness and in bondage to “it” so in order to be free of the muck, we must choose to lay the hate down.

Hate puts up walls and imprisons us to whatever it is that hurt or angered us. I don’t want to be owned by whatever “it” is.

Love unlocks the door.  It allows us to move forward instead of staying stuck behind the cold black bars of hate.

Love, like hate, can grow and spread like a wild fire.

I believe that both love and hate are contagious and we each have a choice as to which one we are going to spread around.

I choose love because I believe love is the answer.

Love feels and looks  much better than hate.


I wrote this post as  part of the love beats hate campaign. Please join me in choosing love over hate.

Love beats hate is a campaign to raise awareness about how hate affects all of us.

 Click the daisy to add your voice on to the Facebook page called Love Beats Hate.

Better yet, join me by writing your own love beats hate post. If you do, please let me know that you did this!

Until next time, love & hugs, Lori





Jeannie said...

Beautiful post. I was raised not to hate but there was no structure to back it up - there was no love to replace the hate. And that makes all the difference I think. Because without the love, or hate, you are powerless.

Brian Miller said...

smiles. they are the better for your teaching is the answer...

Colleen said...

Lori, this is beautiful. What a gift to read today. I almost don't know what to say except that this is stunning in its honesty and very thought provoking. Thank you dear friend.

TechnoBabe said...

It is so healthy to make choices not to hate. Using the energy in a negative way just adds to our own stress and sickness. I choose not to be sick. I choose to eliminate hate. Nice post, Lori. Learning to love makes us strong and happy.

Anvilcloud said...

Seriously: A stunning post. You not only talk the talk but apparently walk the walk.

Jestingly: Is it okay if I very intensely dislike the Boston Bruins and Philadelphia Flyers?

WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

Great post, and what cute poster holders! It saddens me that hate even can reach out to touch children. Examples like yours are what we need!

Buckeroomama said...

Bless you for your grace and for your strength. You always inspire. :)

The Incredible Woody said...

I wish you could rule the world!

LauraX said...

I'm crying...and I feel a shiver of knowing deep in my bones, in every cell of my being...knowing that we are ONE sister-friend. This is so beautiful Lori, Lovi...YOU are my inspiration today:)

Deb Shucka said...

Hi Lori,

I'm here from Laura's link on Facebook. Amazing writing and powerful message. I have a friend who wears a T-shirt that simply says, "Love wins." I couldn't agree with you (or her) more.

Linda said...

So true, Lori, and beautifully expressed. Possibly the most profound point made in your post is that love is not necessarily a feeling. In its purest form, it is an action verb.

And you are so right about the negative impact of hate, primarily on the one who hates. Often, the hated goes contentedly about his life, while the hater is consumed with his hatred and bitterness.

Great post, my friend.

SciFi Dad said...

Well said.

In our house, the word "hate" is a "bad" word... as in, if my daughter hears it said or reads it in a book, she immediately tells us she saw it because she knows its not OK.

Endo Friendo said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful, honest post.

The pictures of the children are priceless! You are teaching them an amazing, powerful lesson.

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is so wonderful. You are doing such a wonderful job raising these kids (and your older ones too) with an open mind to LOVE and enjoying life!!!!!

Pamela D. Hart said...

A very inspiring post. It reminded me of my Pap, who when I was a kid would tell me, “You don’t hate that, you dislike it”. As an adult, and parent, I do my best to use “dislike” rather than “hate” when speaking and I’ve worked very hard to eliminate anger, bitterness and hatred from my life as well. It began with forgiveness. Not just for those who have hurt me, but also for myself.

Also, regarding your previous post. Another good book is: Oh, The Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss

Kathy M. said...

What a remarkable post. It's easy to espouse love when life is good. It's much harder in the face of the kinds of adversity you write about. My heart goes out to all of you, in love.

Hilary said...

What a great attitude you have, Lori. You are a fine example to your Littles, you kids/grands, everyone who has ever been in your care.. and to your readers. You have more strength and wisdom than most. Thanks for sharing it.

ain't for city gals said...

I try not to even use the word hate as in I hate to be late or I hate is where it is...

Natalie said...

Sorry you are in pain ,Honey. I will send you some healing when my littles go to bed.

The kids look so cute with their little signs. :)

My most recent post is certainly along these lines. check it out.♥

Just Be Real said...

Hope you feel better dear one. Lovely post. Blessings.

Garnetrose said...

Great Post. You have been through so much and have reason to hate but you chose love. So beautiful....

deb colarossi said...

oh, you are the real deal.
love is always right thing.

Together We Save said...

This is a wonderful post!! With love you can do anything!!

Anonymous said...

this is a great idea. and i love that you have erased the word 'hate' from the vocabulary in the home.

Jeni said...

Lori -If you haven't already read my e-mail response to you, for your comments to me tonight, you will, after reading that note to you, know that this is exactly the thing I am fighting against taking over control of me now. I don't hate the person I wrote about in that note, but I don't have the caring feelings at all either that I really do need to at least try to foster for her. Gonna be an uphill battle, for sure, but I'm gonna give it my best shot. That's for sure!

blueviolet said...

You're teaching a wonderful lesson there. Children are born without hate in their hearts, but if we're not careful, they learn it from us. :(

wolfie185 said...

Brilliant Lori! The littles with the poster boards was an added bonus.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this, it is very powerful! Choosing love over hate on a personal level is the very beginning, just as you said "it starts with me/you". How lovely you got the little ones involved in this post too xx

Life with Kaishon said...

You know I feel exactly the same way.
Life is too short to hate.
I love that we can change so much by changing our attitudes.
Your littles are just as precious as can be!

Anonymous said...

Wow - this blew me away. Sometimes I find myself so wrapped up in negative feelings, in anger and yes, even hate.

Your lesson is a good one.. must remember it.

You are a beautiful warm and strong woman!

Stella said...

You ARE love. And I LOVE you! Wow. This just made my morning seeing the littles with their signs!!!

Deborah said...

Lori, another beautiful, honest post. I took you at your word and wrote about your theme of love beats hate. Just put it up on my blog...check it out! As always I love to hear what you have to say. Thank you for being such a loyal follower and friend.

Linda said...

yes, it most certainly does. ♥

those children are so precious, i read some of your story here and you walking a brave, difficult, amazing, beautiful and inspiring path...i wandered over from nancy's heart post and am very glad i did.


Deborah said...

hi Lori! I'm glad you read my post, I thought you might like it. :) I don't know how to post a link to FB as you suggested. Do I have to be on FB to do that?

lime said...

and it is when you and the littles face all those challenges and yet choose to love that the value and importance of love is shown in all its glory.

She Writes said...

I do have thiogs I hate, BUT I love your heart in this matter. Hate often breeds bitterness and excuses for more hate. You may have chosen the higher path between you and I :).

Nancy said...

Beautifully said. You are an inspiration, Lori. Thank you for sharing you battles, and your ways of turning to love to beat back the hate.

XLMIC said...

Look at those beautiful children! This was such a great post! I want keep reading and rereading it. In fact, I will :)

Zella said...

"Love, Always" - this is something I want tattooed in my wrist so that I see it every day, at all times, and remember to live with the attitude of love, even if my own love bucket is empty. It's a conscious effort and it does make a difference; when love is your attitude, you radiate that around you whether you realize it or not.

Thanks for a great post.xo

Deborah said...

Lori, I don't have an active FB account right now, but if you want to post a link for me that would be fine :)

Nezzy said...

What a wonderful post sweetie! I love, love, love the way you interacted the children.

Thanks for your warm support of Angel. Since you are newer to my place if ya hit the August link in the first paragraph you can read about her story.

God bless and enjoy this beautiful weekend we are given. :o)

Anonymous said...

Lori, this is such a beautiful post and your littles are being raised by a beautiful person: YOU!♥

People everywhere are born selfish. It is a survival instinct to cry until your needs are filled. But love and hate? These are taught and modeled in our homes, our schools, and the environments surrounding us. Love breeds more love, and hate breeds more hate. You, your home, and your blog are a haven of love.♥

Penelope said...

This is really beautiful, though some parts were pretty heart breaking. I love your tagline, it's probably the best reminder I've had in a while to just be happy where I am (which I am).

I'm not sure I'd be as able to not hate as you are, but I haven't been so tested either, so maybe I'll be stronger than I hope if the time ever arises.

Your kidlets are beautiful.

Katherine said...

Love is louder and bigger than hate, Lori :)

Your post made me smile.
And your words of support and love made me grateful this week.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

Much LOVE your way!

K xo

mommytoalot said...

What a beautiful post. Love indeed does beat hate.
I so wish I could be an anti hater...i shall try my best.
My littles ones...they have much "hate" in their hearts, they are angry, they've been hurt,
It's hard for me not to "hate" that they've been hurt.
...however you are beats hate..
thanks again for such an inspiring post

Kelly said...

I love that there were kids involved in the post. What a great idea. They are learning a great lesson early in life! Great job.

Jeanne said...

Oh Lori!

This is just a phenomenal post! :)

With everything you've described that has touched your life, you could easily have taken the other path... the "H" road.

Instead, you clearly make a concerted effort to take the LOVE road!

You have described beautifully why love beats hate, explained how you implement this philosophy in your own life, and have given examples of the some of the ill effects associated with taking the "H" road.

You have been through so much. Somehow, you manage to stick with the love road when some people would not have the courage to stay on the love track.

I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed reading your post. It's truly inspirational!


P.S. I haven't made it over to Deborah's blog post yet but thank you for posting her link on Facebook so that people can see it! :)

Unknown Mami said...

I choose love, too.

TechnoBabe said...

I had to come back to say congrats on POTW for this post over on The Smitten Image blog. Great post!

Elizabeth Grimes said...

I read this yesterday but wanted to wanted to say congratulations. And "reader's choice" is certainly the right category I'd say. You have a way of really touching something inside your readers. :)

Suldog said...

Excellent post. Glad to see you were mentioned over at Hilary's POTW for this. It certainly deserves the mention.

I won't be writing for a week or so, so no "Love Over Hate" post for me in the near future, but I kinda sorta hope my love for mice and insects as of late counts :-)

Anonymous said...

You totally deserve the POTW! Hugs.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Lori, You inspire me.
Congrats on your POTW from Hilary.

Out on the prairie said...

It takes a lot of strength to overpower the feeling of hate sometimes. I always have said love cures all the ills of our world.