In our family...

In our family....we do second chances...we do grace...we do real...we do mistakes...we do I'm sorry (and I forgive you)...we do loud really well...we do hugs...we do family...we do love.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Life is something

Thank you for the birthday wishes! My daughter is a big stinker as she knows that I not only struggle with being the center of attention but I like to have my birthday come and go without much notice. Not sure why but I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. Anyways…I survived it and your birthday wishes and her intent were sweet.

It has taken me forever to get here. Again. I miss all of you terribly. I do stop by your places on occasion but it is rare that I have the time, energy & the hands to comment since when I sit down a child seems to  find their way onto my lap.

I keep searching for quiet moments but they are so few and far between unless I stay up late at night, like tonight. But God help me tomorrow morning when little man wakes me before it’s barely light out, just to say “good morning and I love you.”

I seriously wonder why I can’t keep up. It’s like I am constantly busy, needed or just can’t say no to reading a story or whatever it is I’m being asked to do with the little’s or my sweet grandson.  I see how many of you write beautifully and often and manage to still live your lives. You amaze me!

As much as I crave the connections I have found in this great place of blogmanity, I am considering shutting my blog down. At the thought of stopping all of this, I want to cry. I am giving it some time, since it is summer. And to think I had considered starting a cooking blog to record the experiences of cooking with the little’s (Rachel Ray & Emeril). After doing lots of cooking/baking with them today, I jokingly told them that we should have a blog called “Our messy kitchen”, to which little man said, “That would be a perfect name since our kitchen is so messy!”

Oh yes, with their help it is very messy but I wouldn’t want it any other way. :) 

My granddaughter and youngest son that were here visiting from Florida, left a week ago yesterday. After 5 weeks with her and 4 weeks with him, my home feels empty without them. My heart still aches to hug them, cook them their favorites foods and to hear and see their smiles/laughter. It makes me miss my daughters that were unable to come home this year.

Yes, I know this is the way it is suppose to be.  I know I am the one that gave them their wings. But, it doesn’t mean that I have to like that they flew so far away.

In my granddaughters words,” I had the summer of my life. Everything about it was perfect.” And it was except for it coming to an end.

In other news…my husband and I are working towards me quitting my outside job and just being at home. Changes are happening for my daughter who has been caring for them while I work, which means we would need to find other daycare. The cost of daycare for 2 children is not cheap and combined with driving costs, it really cuts down my income.

I never thought in a thousand years that I would be trying to figure out things like daycare or whether to send little man to kindergarten or not. Little lady will turn 4 next Wednesday, which means we have had them that long. We always say she was our wedding present. When she hears this, she beams at knowing she is so special.

The little’s would more than love to have me home all of the time and I would love the opportunity to keep up with them and everything here at home. Yet, my heart is torn because I love my job. I love the woman I care for.

My health is slowly getting better. I think. I am still pretty tired but not as much. The pain is still my constant friend and even though I won a court battle a couple of months ago in favor of my continued care for my injuries, it seems this battle will continue on as I have another court hearing scheduled for September. I do not want any more surgeries and the drugs for pain are a thing of the past. My doctor is presently fighting for me to get acupuncture since it did help me when I was in the hospital 6 years ago. I am not holding my breathe. :)

Life is sure something. Just when you think you got it all down, something changes. You have a choice to go with the flow or try to fight your way back up stream. I am choosing to go with the flow.

Until next time (whenever that may be), love & hugs, Lori

PS I just looked at the clock and it read 12:07 AM…still, I cherish this moment of peace & quiet and getting to write.




Natalie said...

Happy Birthday, Lori!
Life has a way of changing everything very suddenly doesn't it? sigh.....

My little Noah will be four on Thursday. I understand about not having a minute to yourself. xx

Brian Miller said...

we carry you in our thoughts and prayers often lori!

Jeannie said...

Perhaps, if you are home and watching little ones, you could take on one or two more during the day for a little extra cash.

Life does change - you needn't shut your blog down just because you don't get here much - we can still see that you have posted when you do.

Life does change - all the time. Some things we might never have chosen turn out to be our biggest blessings.

Jacquelyn Stager said...

Lori, thanks so much for sharing your comments on my blog the other day. A lot of us struggle from time to time about quitting blogging...but the truth is we all have other things that pull at us...I really hope you don't "shut down"...but instead, just blog as you are able. It's a wonderful connection with the outside world! LOL...even though I don't have my grands full time like you do, I have them here 3 days a week and I help my legally blind mom the other I know exactly what you mean about "time"...You and so many others have enriched my life through this medium...and you are a very gifted would be a shame to stop. No one should feel under pressure as to how oftem they blog. Your friends will always be here for you when you have time to "chat". I hope you will be able to let go of your job...that's a big step (been there, done that) but it will make your life easier in so many ways. Have a great weekend! lots of love...

SciFi Dad said...

You have to do what's right for you, but just remember this: an unattended blog doesn't disappear or time out or whatever. It's always just... there. So, rather than shutting it down, why not take a hiatus (possibly never-ending) so that it's there if you decide to come back?

Just a thought.

My Aimless Infatuation said...

You are amazing....((hugs)).Glad your feeling better.

Life with Kaishon said...

I am so sorry the pain never subsides Lori. I will pray that you are at peace with whatever happens regarding work and the grandkids. I am so thankful you all have each other.

I flew from my parents nest, but I will never fly farther than 20 minutes away. I can't leave them. I'm sorry yours did : (

The Incredible Woody said...

I am glad to hear that your health seems to be heading in the right direction. I pray that it will continue and I pray that your decisions about work/child care/etc will bring you peace. Much love to you!

Brittany said...

to all of it.. I simply say:

I love you mom! :)

Brittany said...

to all of it.. I simply say:

I love you mom! :)

otin said...

Most people don't shut blogs down, they just let them sit and post every once in a while. There is a lot of history here. You should not delete it! Do it when you can!

otin said...

Happy Birthday, BTW!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hey Lori, Good to see you back. You've been busy and summers are always harder to make time for blogging-- I see a lot of bloggers slowing down in the summer too, myself included.

Keep us posted if you change blogs. I'd love to keep following you.

In the meantime. ENJOY and take it all one day at a time. And feel good.

I'm cheering you on. xo jj

Bogey said...

Hello Lori, Happy belated birthday. As we know, sometimes life has a way of making us slow down and put things into serious perspective. One's health, as I have come to believe, is not something one should take for granted. Stress comes to us in all forms and fashions and it is all we can do to remove the masks of the unknown to put order back in our lives. Taking a break from the everyday may be difficult but it is sometimes necessary to hold onto our sanity. Whatever path you choose, you know you have a friend in your corner.

Don't sweat the small stuff Lor and take advantage of the warm summer months. Before you know it, you will be hauling out the winter gear again and you don't want to forget to live for today. Peace!

Kit Kat said...

Lori, Thank you for sharing this wonderful post! I love hearing about what is going on in your life! I am so happy that you seem to be feeling better! I hope that continues! Change is always scary... but also necessary. And it can often bring wonderful new things that we didn't even know we needed or wanted.
Great to hear from you!

MGM said...

Always great to "see" you even if there are long spaces in between at times. I've had those times, too, with blogging. Just means you're busy with "real" life.

And btw, my little girl's birthday is Wednesday, too. August 4th.

Fragrant Liar said...

Hey, Lori, Happy belated birthday! I know exactly what you mean about trying to celebrate them these days with less fanfare. But I am also just as glad to still be celebrating, as so many I love are not around to do so.

I have trouble staying with my blog these days too, but mostly because I'm so focused on finishing my book. It takes a lot of time, like little kids who need to be fed and diapered all the time. Sheesh. But I love it anyway.

Celebrate the changes, Lori. Could be that if there were no changes, you'd be bored out of your mind and you'd have a whole set of different problems. But be good to yourself and say no when you need to, as well.

Big hugs,

Hilary said...

You and yours are in my best thoughts. Don't quit the blog. Everyone understands long delays between posts. It's just lovely to see you check in when you can. Hugs to you, Lori.

Nancy said...

I think you are an amazing woman. It's not easy to do what you do, and I'm not sure that I could. Little children are busy, and they demand much more that those of us writing without small people vying for our attention. I would miss you. Maybe you can just write when you feel like it. There are no hard and fast rules here. We write when we can, we visit when we can.

mommytoalot said...

Hi Lori....
Life is full of surprises, twists and turns and you are truly an please..don't stop blogging..come when you can..take per my last post..blogging is therapeutic for me.

You amaze me with all that you do
God bless
in my thoughts and prayers always