The art of play

I’ve heard lots of complaints from various parents recently that their children don’t really know how to play and that they are exhausted from trying to keep their children entertained.

Isn’t that sad? When did it become a parents job to entertain their children?

It’s almost like play has become a lost art  these days …with too many distractions & toys that require batteries and little imagination…and parents that take on the job of entertaining instead of supervising.

I am talking about the kind of play that doesn’t require batteries, or directions. I’m talking about the kind of play that gets dirty or wet or lets you be somebody else in a far away land.

 

Playing make believe

               &

making their own

fun is good for their

souls.

I believe  that play is the most important tool of learning in the early years….and even beyond.  I believe that actual playing…the kind that is using the imagination and not being guided or interfered by adults is the very best kind of play.

There is nothing like digging oneself deep into the trenches of play…the kind of play where time is lost and the world around you is your playground…the kind where at the end of the day, you need a bath.

 

Give a child(ren) a box, some rocks, some sticks, some water, and an empty bucket and if an adult doesn’t interfere by telling them what they should do with these things, they will be entertained for hours. I believe the more a child plays in this manner the better they get at it.

I believe that tv’s, computers, and video games need to be unplugged and used less. Now mind you I am not against these things as I think they have a time & place, but I do think they can steal away time, imagination and the ability to think for yourself, if not used with balance.

The physical playing that isn’t about winning or losing but having fun…like running, jumping, hiding, twirling, pretending, somersaults, kicking & throwing balls, chasing and all other forms of physical fun seems to be lost to sitting in front of a screen that entertains.

Do we ever wonder, like I do, if this is one of the reasons we have a child obesity problem in the US?

I have heard of schools cutting out recess in order to have more time in the classroom. I shutter to think how taking away this time for play could in the end hurt their learning.

The sound of playing is beautiful. Yes, sometime it’s loud and crazy but really it’s so much fun.

Have you ever just stopped and listened to kids playing? Listen to their laughter and chatter, it will surely make you smile. Or have you just stopped and observed children lost in play? Could you see their smiles and the way their eyes danced? Doesn’t it make  you smile and remember what it was to be a child and so free ?

 

 

To have a recorder to record the priceless conversations.

 

One of the greatest gifts we can give a child, is to get down to their level and play with them. Not all the time, or they don’t learn how to play by themselves, but sometimes.   Playing helps us to not forget what it means to be a child and helps us see the world through their eye’s. Us playing, shows them that we are willing to meet them where they are at.

 

There is something so perfectly beautiful about seeing adults playing in wild abandonment with children…to see the joy and the freedom and their smiles.  

Do you allow yourself to play? When is the last time you allowed yourself the fun of play?

Well, I am off to work and then when I get done with work, I am grabbing up the little’s and my daughter and going off to play for a few days at the cabin up north. It’s our last days of summer and soon school will begin.

Until next time, love & hugs, Lori

Writing his name

First of all, thank you for your kind supportive words to my last post. It’s an uncomfortable subject that I try to hide from but am learning that breaking the silence takes away it’s power. Both my daughter and I appreciate every kind word you sent us.

The most recent topic at our house is school…whether to send or not send to school. 

 Little man turned 5 this past May, which means he can start Kindergarten when school starts here, September 7th. We were not sure about sending him. Last year he had some struggles with small motor abilities such as holding a pencil correctly and having control over a scissors. His lack of interest combined with wanting to just play made us wonder if he is ready.

The other playing factor is that his sister is right behind him and holding him back would mean holding her back. She is not struggling with any of the issues her brother has and add to that her interest in these things and you have a whole different child. Because her birthday is in August, it could be that she may have the other issue of being emotionally immature to start a month later. I am not going to count on that though as she may very well be ready.

The last thing we want to do is push him to do something he is not ready for, just so his sister can start school next year.  I want him to like learning and not be turned off by it because his first experiences with structured learning are negative. Just as I don’t want to not send her if she is ready to go.

So we gave it the summer and decided we would visit this issue come mid-August. Or is this called procrastination?

Up until he went to preschool last year, he had no interest whatsoever in things to do with writing, coloring, cutting…ect. If I tried to make him, we would have a battle of wills. One or both of us would end up crying. So I stopped pushing it. And I just let him play.

When we went to his screening last September they told me that he did very poorly and would likely end up in special education. Now I have nothing against special education but I doubted that this is what he would need. I explained his lack of interest but also told them I wasn’t concerned because after all he was just 4 and given the opportunity to learn it, this little boy was smart and would learn it when he was ready. I don’t think they were very happy with me.

We came back home and I let him just play and I had a good cry. I was not going to fight with a 4 year old over something I know he will eventually learn.

I have provided endless amounts of blank paper, crayons, markers, pencils, paints, play dough, scissors, and the likes for the little’s to create with. I have printed out many a worksheets that encourage writing and all kinds of learning for all the little ones in this house. He being the oldest has little interest while the other 2 enjoy it and do rather well with it all.

I imagine how this must make him feel.

Last fall when he started attending Kindergarten readiness he began to show some interest but he still struggled. The poor little guy has worked very hard and experienced much frustration in attempting to use a pencil to write his name. His most favorite part of going was riding the bus and talking to everyone.

Of course it was, three of his favorite things are vehicles, talking and people. :)

The thing is, he is smart. He knows how to spell his name. He knows how to count, the abc’s, colors and shapes. He is very smart about many things because he is a great observer and has learned a lot by doing things hands on. Most important,(to me)is his kindness, politeness, sweetness, being very helpful, respectful and loving.

I have yet to meet a child that is his age that can carry on a conversation in person or on the phone as well as he does. Ask him to do a list of 5 chores and with a smile on his face he will do every single one, come back and ask if he can do something more for you.

Yet, he struggles to hold a pencil and write his name.

Since mid-August has come and after consulting with both my sister & daughter who are teachers and talking to 3 different people at the school, we have decided to send him.

He was very excited about going until he learned that I will not be going with him. My boy is so sweet to love me so.

I will have the next couple of weeks to prepare him and myself.

Am I still concerned? Yes, but I realize it might be because I am so protective of him and just want to make the right decision.

Is he truly ready? I hope so. We will soon see.

I know that if he’s really not ready it will show and we can always hold him back.

I know I keep saying this  but never in a thousand years did I think I would be preparing another child for school. Ever.

I’ve just realized that by the time little man & little lady graduate I will be in my early 60’s. Why do I feel like panicking right now?

Have you ever held back one of your children? To those of you in the field of education, do you have any advice for us? Have any of you ever struggled over the decision of whether to send or not send?

I know many of your schools are already started or starting this week. I hope your kids/grandkids have a wonderful year of learning.

Until next time, love & hugs, Lori

 

A mothers wailing & a soft place to fall

Early in the morning, 5 years ago, while at a friends getting ready to leave for the day, a call came that would forever change me as a mother.

It was my middle daughter who still lived in Minneapolis. Her voice cracked and crumbled as she spoke softly to me. “She was raped Mom.” I didn’t think I had heard her correctly. She repeated words that cut through my soul. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t stand. In that moment, the horror of hearing that my youngest 18 year old daughter, who I moved to Minneapolis for college 2 months earlier has been raped,caused me to drop to the ground.

I did fall apart for a moment but living 2 hours from where my daughter was lying in a hospital bed, did not give me the luxury of staying in that place.

She put me on the phone with her. The only words I could make out through her sobs, were, “Please come Mom, please come…”

I immediately went back to my home so that I could head to Minneapolis and to wake up my youngest son to tell him what had happened to his sister. His rage tore open my broken heart. As he screamed, “I’m going to kill him!” over and over again, all I could do was cry.

My friend came immediately and drove me to her. These were 2 of the longest hours of my life.

The hospital had released her with my other daughter and they were now at their uncles, who was a police chief at that time. I am still thankful that she had such a safe place to go to.

I will never forget that moment of first seeing her and her pain. I wanted to hold her and never let her go. Ever. I have never in my life felt such rage. I have never wanted to kill someone as much as I did that day. Oh the horror this was to my mothers heart that had lived to protect her children from such horrors.

That night we lay in bed together in silence. Neither of us sleeping. Broken by her crying. My crying. Her broken voice asking me,” How long will it hurt like this?” “How long will I feel this dirty?”  “How long before I can close my eyes without seeing him?”

How do you answer such questions that hit so close to home? Sadly, I know the answers but I don’t answer.

How can I tell her that it might be a really long time? How can I tell her to not let him steal her life away when it was so fresh and raw?

I did my best to chase away the demons that fought to steal her away but I know I fell short.

The young man that raped her was an acquaintance through college. He was stupid enough to call her phone and leave messages about the rape which the police were able to take as evidence. It took less then a day for them to arrest him. I thought it would make me feel better to hear this but it didn’t. Nothing made this better. Nothing made this go away.

I went with her to talk to someone at her college. They were supportive and told her to take the time she needed. She was determined to go back sooner then later and not let this stop her. I brought her home with me and we didn’t know what to do. No one talks about what you do after something like this happens. No one tells a mother what to say to her daughter. We went to see a counselor. She grew tired of talking about it and just wanted to go back to her old life. So back to college she went.

The calls started coming at night. “I’m scared Mom.” “I can’t close my eyes without seeing his face.” “How long before I stop crying?”

The thing is before this happened she was happy and doing very well at college. She had made the decision to start in June instead of starting in the fall so she already had a good 2 months of college behind her. All of that changed. She couldn’t concentrate. She was fearful. She was all these things plus more. And what do you do when your life is falling apart? What do you do when your daughters life is falling apart?

Allow her to quit school? Allow her to move back home? To only then allow her to move even further away so that she could put even more distance between her and him and where it had happened?

I could I make her understand that you can run but you can’t hide?

I could love her and hold her and try to chase the demons away but I knew deep down that there really was nothing I could say or do. I did not have the power to fix  her booboo this time.

Facing my worst fears…of not being able to protect my children…”I was not able to protect my daughter”, screamed through my head over and over again.

When I was all alone in the privacy of my home, I allowed myself the luxury of wailing at the top of my lungs.

Fast forward to this young mans trial. Now mind you, this is the first time I see the young man that did this to her. He is from a country where raping women is common and nothing. His family fled that country to be free of that kind of violence. I wanted to come out of my skin. I wanted to scream obscenities at him. His family was also there. As soon as they started talking about the rape, his mother began to cry. You could see the shame written all over their faces.

Listening to the horrors of that awful night all over again made me feel like vomiting. It made me picture things I did not want to see.

When my daughter got her chance to speak to the court, I held my breathe. How gracefully she spoke and with such courage. His mother began to wail as she listened to my daughters painful words. I was so proud of my daughter and yet so sad for his mother and father and even for him, the one that had inflicted the crime.

His mothers wailing opened my eyes to the fact that I was not the only mother grieving and wailing over such an act. There are no winners in crime. Only losers. He stole a part of my daughter that can never be returned. He went to jail and now will have to register as a sex offender where ever he goes. His mother lost her son in many aspects. I lost a part of my daughter. Life will not ever be the same for him or my daughter.

Since then, grace and forgiveness have helped with the healing. My daughter is a woman of grace and courage. She refuses to hide in shame and will not allow it to silence her voice.

Still there are parts of her that are affected. I look at her and I can still see remnants of the harm this rape caused her. I know that in time she will deal with these things. In her time not mine.

There is a distinct different between the person she was before to the person she is now. Things like this change us.

I haven’t been as courageous as her. While she has been able to speak I have kept it locked inside. She has so wisely taught me that letting it out takes away it’s power.

The reality of not always being able to be there to protect one’s child is a nightmare for a mother. Facing that I wasn’t, has been a struggle. Now that it has happened to my child it is hard for me to put my guard down.

There are times when she is gone out and I lay  in the dark of the night and all I can do is pray through my fears. I pray no such horror finds any of my children or their children…or any children ever again.

The bottom line is this…we can not control the actions of other people…there are evil people in this world…we can teach our children how to be safe when we are not there…we can pray and pray for their safety…we can do all the right things and still bad things can happen to our children…and all we can really hope for is that if and when it does, that we, their parents, are their soft place to fall.

I hope with all my heart that I’ve been a soft enough place for my daughter to fall.

I thank my beautiful courageous daughter for allowing me to write this today. I know that without her help I would not be at this place today of being able to share it with you. Dear daughter, here’s to taking the power away.

Thank you dear friends for listening to me talk about an unpleasant subject.

Until next time, hugs & love, Lori

Our day through the ABC’s

It’s my day off and another rainy day. Since the animals can’t go outside to play they asked if we could have a pajama day.

So I’ve decide to scrap all the things on my to do list and have some fun.

I told them that they could help me write a blog post telling the story of our day with the ABC’s.

This our day with the ABC’s…

 

Acorns

 

It is raining acorns. Literally. At times it sounds like it is hailing on our roof.

& Aidyn…my sweet grandson who

I adore…

Books…we love books with pigs in

them

& jumping on the Bed…

Crazy kids that I am completely

crazy about & love to cuddle with.

Dreary…it is another rainy grey day

which means these darn crazy kids

will be driving me nuts today. We

wish Daddy were here to join in on

the fun.

Eggs…fresh from the farm…

Fun & Football…our most favorite

teams…

 Garden…that we love to help with.

Of course we love the Minnesota

Gophers.

Hands are for loving and helping.

I love you to the moon & back & ice

cream eaten by an adorable little

boy… 

Jumping on the bed…and Jordan,

my little man, 

 

Ketchup that we love on everything

and kindness that is expected by

everyone that lives at our zoo.

Love, laughter & loudness that

describes our zoo.

Mommy & Movies & Milk that

we get from the farm….& we love our

Mailman and that we live in

Minnesota.

Nevaeh..my sweet little lady…

Owls that hang in Nevaeh’s

bedroom & we wish we could go

Outside.

Pizza(on the grill of course) &

Aidyn  learning to go Potty every

day.

Most of all playing with pigs while

we are in our pajama’s…

 

& Nevaeh’s Pig cake…

Quiet please! Quick little monkeys

keep me on my toes.

Rayna…my sweet oldest

granddaughter & Recycling is a

habit at our house.

 

Sandwiches…that they’ve proudly

learned to make all by themselves &

silly children with sniffles that

think they need suckers.

Twins are our favorite baseball

team. We love to watch the Twins

& Tinkerbelle on the Tv.

Under the bed the monkeys like to

hide.

Viking football & Jordan’s

obsession with Vacuum’s…

Water….we love to play in the

water. Especially when were not

suppose to.

X is for extra energy that is

needed to be the zoo keeper.

Yellow is the sun that refuses to

shine.

You, my blogging friends make me

smile every day.

Of course there is our new Yogurt

maker that makes us fresh yummy

Yogurt. 

Zoo…they pretend that the top bunk

is the zoo.

 

They want to visit the zoo. I say we already live in the zoo…

 

….with these 3 animals…

 

This is the end of this post(finally)but not the end of our fun. If you made it this far with us we applaud you!

Off to play hide –n- seek and whatever else they can talk me into.

Hope your having a fun day and as many smiles as we are.

Until next time, love & hugs,

Lori, Jordan, Nevaeh & Aidyn

 

All things tomato

Earlier this summer, we were up north at my sisters, bringing the little’s to stay for the week, and her and her husband, who are both wonderful cooks, made us a wonderful meal which included Bruschetta. It was so yummy, as is anything either of them make.

There is no way I could ever compete with any of my  3 older sisters in all their talents of cooking, baking, decorating their homes, crafting, sewing, gardening, photography and an endless list of their talents. Am I jealous? Sometimes. Am I proud of these super women and all they accomplish? Your damn right I am.

I wasted way too many years of my life trying to be like these super women and have come to accept that I don’t have to be them to be okay.

Now I’m not saying I don’t do alright doing some of these things but I do say that by the time I was born most of the talents had already been handed out and I got the leftovers. Hey, left over's are good too. :)

Nonetheless I love cooking and  baking and do most of these things from scratch and try to use fresh ingredients. It’s the way I was brought up. We grew and raised everything that we ate. We drank milk from the cows that we milked. I don’t remember eating too many things that came from a box or a can. As I recall this time in my life, the only thing I remember struggling with was my moms homemade catsup.

There have been times in my life that I just ate what I could in order to survive but for the most part I have eaten like I was brought up.  Honestly, when I am eating this way I feel the best. I like to feed my family now in much the same way as when I grew up so we eat mostly whole foods, and very little processed foods. If I cannot pronounce an ingredient listed or if there are too many ingredients listed it is very unlikely that we will not eat it very often, if at all. 

Anyways, back to the bruschetta…as soon as my husband and I got home the next day, we went and purchased the ingredients and made it ourselves. I hadn’t written down their recipe so had to go on my memory which isn’t all that good. :)

So I made it but with a few changes of my own and we loved it!

Our good friends were coming this past weekend so on Saturday morning, I made whole wheat French bread so that I would have it for making this appetizer later in the day. They loved it! Since we had another loaf just laying around, my husband talked me into making it again the next day. 

I chopped up tomato from our garden and onion from a friends garden and threw in some fresh garlic and then I squeezed a half of a fresh lime in and then drizzled some olive oil in. Sprinkled in some sea salt and pepper. Stirred it up a bit, had a taste(so far so good) and put it in the refrigerator to chill. If I would have had fresh basil I would have thrown that in too.

I then sliced up the  French bread and brushed it with olive oil and garlic.

I had a little helper that loves to cook.

  I then, put it on the grill. I love the smell of garlic on the grill.

We topped the toasted bread with the tomato mixture and some feta cheese.

It is so light and fresh tasting. It is suppose to be an appetizer but we’ve almost eaten it as a meal.

This little girl had such a big smile about eating it. Don’t you just love her wild hair? :)

Both of the little’s LOVE tomatoes and other veggies which is a good thing except when I am trying to cook and their little hands are stealing my ingredients.

Thankfully our garden has done pretty well in spite of all the rain and the little’s help which consists of watering it  and picking things they are not suppose to pick yet.

We planted only one cherry tomato plant and so far not one tomato has made it into our home. Any guesses as to why? :)

I guess next year we will be planting more of those. 

Does the way you eat now differ from the way you grew up? Do you have a garden? Do you go to farmers markets? Do you enjoy cooking with fresh veggies?

Until next time, love & hugs, Lori

A little bit of this & a little bit of that…

I know most of you live where it is hot and humid all of the time compared to what it can be here in Minnesota. So I’m pretty sure you will not feel sorry for me when I complain about how hot and humid it has been here these past few weeks. I think this is one of the hottest summers we have had in a long time. Heat + hormones do NOT mix well. All I want to know is how do you women in my same shoes deal with it? I feel sorry for you!

All I want to so is lock myself up in a freezer until winter comes! I think this is the first time EVER that I have looked forward to fall and winter. :)

Thankfully it started cooling off last night so we could enjoy a fire and make smores with the kids. And today is amazing with a nice cool breeze. Hurray for getting to shut off the A/C and opening windows! Perfect sleeping weather.  Perfect for drying the clothes that needed washing. As I was taking some of the clothes off the line earlier I thought how blessed I am to have this. It not only saves money but the clothes smell so good.

I heard somewhere recently that a clothes line can bring down the value of a property. Really? I’ve also had people tell me that they would never hang clothes on a line outside because that would be a sign of being poor and that it looks redneck. Really? Personally I love it and you can call me a poor redneck all you want. :)

All I know is I am going to enjoy the coolness while it lasts! :)

We have also had a lot of storms…just about every day it’s been raining and making the humidity that much worse…one’s we have to go in the basement for and floods our back yard…which the little’s were extremely happy about the lake in our backyard because it gave them opportunity to swim. Yes, I know this sounds very redneck, as my daughter so happily pointed out to me, which my reply was “At least we have happy redneck kids.”

Don’t they look like happy redneck kids? 

I love my redneck kids! :)

They were not too happy when it was gone the next day. Thankfully this has been the worst of our damage and we’ve been kept safe while some have not been so lucky.

My grandson has climbed aboard the potty train recently and with the help of the little’s has done a great job. On Friday as I was getting ready for work, my grandson came upstairs from sleeping and little man says to him. “Do you want to go potty with me?” Of course he wanted to and as I heard him going potty, I could hear little man saying “You are such a big boy. I am so proud of you.” It was so sweet to hear them. It then  got quiet for a couple of minutes…which most of the time is not a good thing…quiet + 2 little boys can = lots of trouble… and then the two of them came to me and my grandson says, “Grandma I have underwear on!” Little man had taken him down to his room and put underwear on him! He turned and hugged little man and said “Thank you for helping me be a big boy!” Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?

Melted my heart. My redneck heart that is. :)

Remember a while back when I wrote about the issues I was having with my husband due to my weight gain? I know some of you felt it was wrong of me to write about this here. I am deeply sorry that what I wrote offended you. Still, I am not sorry I wrote it. My husband is an amazing man. I found out that he is not perfect and I needed to deal with this issue. My writing it out here, helped me to get out something that I had been keeping hidden inside and it was killing me. Your wonderful support and encouragement really helped me. It helped me to be stronger and not just sit back and suffer. Which in turn changed how my husband was acting towards me. Which has resulted in us working through things. I am still as crazy about him as ever and know I am very blessed to have him.

Yes, he knows what I wrote and he understood why and it helped him to understand why I was hurt. I just want to say thank you again for being my sounding board and allowing me to be vulnerable with you.

As many of you said in comments to my last post which contained pictures of the 4 grand's, I am blessed. My heart overflows with the love the 4 of them bestow upon me. They are every bit as crazy about me as I am them and they make sure I know it.

Add my amazing husband, and 5 incredibly loving kids and their significant others to this mix and I seriously cannot fathom what it would be like to not have any single one of them.

How could I ask for anything more?

Not for one second can I take what I have for granted in this big fat redneck life of mine.

My heart cries out for my step daughter to get her life together so that she and our other grandson, that will soon be 2, could be a part of all of this great love.

Could I ask that I no longer have to play “mommy” by raising the little’s? So that I could be doing what other 48 year olds are doing? More and more the answer is no. After 4 years, I’ve grown accustomed to this role.

When little lady hugs me tightly and then grabs my face and says, “ You’re my bestest mommy in all of the world and I love you all the way to the far far moon and back.”, how could I not?

I hope that whoever surrounds you in your life, that you don’t take them for granted for a single moment. I hope that you hug them and hold them close, even if it’s just in your heart. We never know when it’s our last day with those we love so please take time to embrace them and appreciate who they are to your life!

Until next time, hugs & love, Lori