Since it is Thanksgiving week, I am trying very hard to be thankful and grateful, in spite of how I am feeling. I have much to be thankful for, so I want these things to be my focus. I don't want negative feelings to steal away my joy.
I have been putting the blame for these feelings on various things...blaming it on these nasty menopausal hormones...on the cold, gloomy weather...work, chasing 2 little ones, missing my children because it's getting close to the holiday's...but, truth be told, at this time, every year, I feel this way.
November is a hard month for me, for various reasons...let's just say that past events that have greatly affected my life...my secret's...my demon's come back to haunt me on their anniversary month. As hard as I am trying to not think upon these things, they are affecting my sleep and trying to pull me down. My nightmare's are waking my husband more frequently, which makes me feel badly for affecting his sleep. He doesn't get upset with me but it does concern him that I am tormented with these things. He wishes that I would talk about these things instead of keeping them hidden.
I am not sure what the answer's are to all of this or if there are any. All I know, is once again, I will ride out this storm. I refuse to let these things push me overboard. I have written to some extent about these things here, in a post called Through the eyes of grace. It's my resolve to continue looking at myself through these eye's of grace but I also need to stop and make sure I am looking at those that hurt me, with those same eye's of grace.
Do any of you battle things like this? Do you have memories of things that you would rather forget? How do you deal with painful memories?