Twas The Days Before Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas, when Aidyn came to our house…

These three little rascals were so loud with excitement they could scare a mouse.

Santa hats were put on our heads with care…

In hopes of getting a good picture while we stood there.

 

We put on our smiles and let out a giggle or two…

 

Doesn’t this Grandma have a clue?

That it’s all about the fun…

And that we love each other a ton.

We cuddled and watched a Christmas show…

And begged to go out and play in the snow.

Not when it’s 10 below I said…

So we made some play dough…both green and red.

How can someone so sweet be such a stinker and look so mad?

Please stop! You’re driving me mad and making me sad!

We cranked up the music and danced to Mama Mia, Hey Mickey, and Twist & Shout. Now that it’s done, please don’t give me that pout!

We read the Christmas story and served tea and food to Jesus and his family in the barn.

And then strung up some beads on pieces of yarn.

Now it’s time to play on your own…No, you cannot play with my phone!

It sounds like I live in the zoo.What is this zoo keeper to do?                      

Enough of this meowing. Enough of that. You have to know, your not a cat! 

Please give me just a few moments without hearing any clatter…

Oh dear lord, now what’s the matter?

Isn’t it almost time for a long winters nap? I hope it comes before I snap.

All of a sudden, what should I hear? Not a sound…no children are near, nor are they to be found.

Oh dear. Oh my. I’ve lost my crew.

All is quiet & the door is shut. What could the 3 of them possibly do?

Hide from me?                            

or just thinking their free? 

 

 

 

 

 

See our funny silly face?

 

Are the naughty’s gone without a trace?

Grandma went to work and Uncle Adam came to play.

Oh the things we do when Grandma goes away.

Like get her camera out and take pictures

of uncle Adam… and of the tree.

 

 

 

 

 

And then blame it on our pet monster Franklin…it surely couldn’t have been one of us three!

How we love the tree with all it’s lights. It’s left on all day except for late at night.

 

The ornaments we adore. The ones we have made, and the one’s we’ve bought at the store.

Another cold day and the rascals grew restless. What should we do? How about make some cookie’s with you?

 

We poured and we stirred. And we took turns. Cooking with 3, as I did learn…

kept me quite busy…

might have even put me in a tizzy…

As the 2 younger ones started to lick flour off the counter, little man thought this was quite funny. Isn’t he such a honey?

Our little Emeril did so well…

 

rolling and cutting out…

 

cookies for these two to decorate.

Hurry! Hurry! We hear the timer.

We don’t want you to be late.

 

After we make this mess we must eat a cookie or two…

…they taste so good but I only have time for one…

…because I have more work to get done. 

 

 

 

 

 

We are so happy. We are so proud.

 

That we made enough cookies for a crowd.

A crowd of 3 that is…

Time for supper. Then it’s time to get ready for snuggling in the bed.

Time to watch Tinkerbelle and then you must lay down your head.

Close your eyes my little peeps.          We all really need some sleep.

I promise to you on my life.              That tomorrow we will go see Santa and his wife.

Twas the end of our first couple of days. This old Grandma is still in a daze.

The end!

Prologue…This was a summery of our last couple of days. Sadly, it’s been too cold to go outside to play in the snow but hopefully in the next couple of days there will be a warm up.

At 3:00 AM I was woken up by little man letting me know he had a good night sleep and was ready to go see Santa. Oh dear. After convincing him that it was indeed the middle of the night, he went back to sleep.

Today, we will go visit Santa, among many other things. Lots of fun is to be had. I just hope I can keep up with them!

Love & Hugs, Lori & the Zoo crew 

 

This is the best!

When little one’s get sick, life comes to a stand still. Rearranging work schedules, cancelling plans and staying home. Just when I think one of them is better, they are not. More plans cancelled. Yes, it’s disappointing but in the big picture of life, being here with them will always win out. Instead of going with my husband to the holiday party, I sat holding the 2 of them while watching Rudolf, one more time. As the 2 of them snuggled up against me, little man voiced the words that were already in my mind, “This is the best.”

As I was cleaning up puke late last night, I looked at little man with his big brown eyes and this feeling of how blessed I am to be here in this moment with him. Slowing down and coming to a stop helps my perspective to be where it is suppose to be.

I woke up this morning to little lady’s face right in mine, saying “Morning my little mommy. Morning to my best mommy.” As we snuggled and whispered to each other in the morning darkness, I inhaled her sweetness.

Oh how I love my love filled life. We may not have material or financial wealth but we are so rich in this commodity called love. I look at the tree with it’s lopsided branches with 3, 4 or even 5 ornaments hanging in a cluster from the little’s decorating. It is beautiful because it is their master piece. They plug in the lights and just sit in front of it….or they lay under it…and have such adoration over something so simple.

A few years ago I bought this little Christmas porcelain tea set at Good Will and I had kept saying that when they get older we can bring it out. Last weekend, little lady discovered this tea set in a box. I seen her eyes light up and I just knew the time is now. If I wait until they are old enough to ensure none of it gets broken, they will no longer be interested. The time is now. They have spent hours playing with it. They have served me food and tea and coffee. Yes, a plate has already been broken. And I didn’t care because I know that the time is now for such simple pleasures.

I love our beautiful safe haven from the world. I love that inside these walls we are not stressed about Christmas or worried about gifts. We celebrate in our own special simple ways. Life is good.

One good thing about not having a lot of money for things like Christmas is that you don’t have the stress of shopping. Don’t get me wrong, I love buying gifts for others…especially my children who don’t ask for anything except recipes, hummus and granola. In a perfect world, I would buy them the world. In our not so perfect world, I give them my love and all that comes with it. And they give me theirs. They give me so much more than what I ever dreamed of getting from my children. What more could I ask for?

The thing is, none of us go hungry, we all have plenty of clothing, we have roofs over our heads, we have running vehicles, we have our health, we have plenty of toys, we have shelter and warmth from the cold. We have jobs. Some of us are in college.We have so much. On top of all that we have so much love. Miles may separate us from being together but no matter how much time passes or distance separates, we are bonded as one family.

Yet, there are those that have  none of these things. There are those that are walking the streets here in the cold temperatures of Minnesota, with no place to go. There are those that haven’t had a decent meal in days. There are those that have to humble themselves to begging on the streets. There are those that haven’t a clue to what it means to be loved or to be part of family like mine. Their stomachs are empty but so are their hearts. To be barren of food, shelter and love. In the light of this, how could I be sad about not buying a Christmas present?

This is why, we as a family, spend time, each day praying for those less fortunate then us. This is why we as a family count our many blessings instead of feeling sorry for ourselves. This is why we as a family reach out to those less fortunate then ourselves. This is why we can’t ever stop seeing our own abundance. This is why we can’t stop seeing those that are barren. Dear Lord, please don’t ever let us stop seeing.

Yesterday afternoon, I had the blessing of reading this post by Meredith of The Things We Carried, called I See You. Wow! You must go read this. Right now. Go. You will be glad you did.

Then this morning, I had the blessing of reading this post by Roxy of Woman of Essence, called Love Endures. Again, Wow! You must go read this too. Go. You will be glad you took the time.

As I close this post, I reach my hand through this computer screen to those that  need a hand… “I hear you.” “You are heard.” “You are important.” “You matter.” “You are loved.” “I’m so glad you here!”

To those of you that are “full” like I am, of such love and abundance, please reach out to those around you and share your abundance. Open your eyes and see. I know many of you already are. Bravo!

Sunday blessings to each one of you. Hug your loved ones today. Tell them you love them. Peace and joy to you today!

Much love & many hugs, Lori

 

Finding My Happy

Do you know what is worse then a young child throwing up all over, in the middle of the night? It would be, 2 young children throwing up all over, in the middle of the night…and lasting into the early hours of this morning.

Thankfully, my husband helped me with the first one but he works long hours out in the freezing cold, so after that, I was on my own. I had no more then got little man settled back in bed, when I heard little lady. By the time I got to her, she was already covered. Time to put on my big girl pants and dig in.

Thus, I spent the night going back and forth between the two of them. Right in the middle of all this mess, they realized this meant we would be staying home today.

Little man: “I think I will feel better for school tomorrow.”

Me: “You can’t go to school tomorrow, so we will be staying home.”

Little man: “Well, that’s one good thing about all this.” Said, as he points at his vomit.

A short time later, little lady was sick and as I was cleaning her up, little man hollered into his sister.

“We get to stay home with mommy tomorrow.”

Little lady looks at me to see if this is true and as I nod my head, she hugs me tightly, covering me in her vomit. Ugh. Then she pulls away, smiles big and say’s “I’m so happy we’re sick.”

How is it that even in the middle of being covered in puke, my mother heart melts? 

Early this morning after calling the lady I work for and cancelling daycare for the day, we cuddled while watching cartoons. I am thankful for a job that allows me to put these little one’s first. Even more, I am thankful that these two little ones are so happy to be at home with me. I am thankful for the home we have created here with them.

As most of you know I live with pain due to a neck and skull injury. For the past 7 years I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride of learning how to live not just with pain but with the changes in my life. Every day is different. I have to adjust everything I do accordingly. Some days are better then others. Some weeks are worse then others. These past 2 weeks have been tough ones…just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, this past week got even worse.

Going through a day with a veil of pain over you, sucks the life force out of you. Some of you live with pain yourself, and know what I am talking about here. It’s times when the day’s go into the next with no break from it’s strength, that I have a hard time keeping a positive resolve. My pain has a direct affect on my Post traumatic stress disorder. I hate admitting this but this ugly monster comes out when I am hurting the most.

Seeing life, through the eye’s of pain and with  this monster on my back makes me want to just give up and pray for God to take me. Obviously, He doesn’t listen, because I’m still here. :) These are the times, I tend to shut myself off from people. I think it’s because I feel vulnerable and don’t want to affect other people with how I feel.

I share these things with you because it is not only a part of me but also so that you know that when I don’t stop by and visit your place, it’s very likely due to these things. I have missed visiting you and hope to catch up soon.

Now, on to find my happy …because of course it’s Happy Hour Friday…

Created by Otin and RxBambi!

In spite of pain and puke, I do have lots to be happy about.

I am happy to know you and to have my life made better because of you.

I am happy that our family Christmas party was a lot of fun. I would have to say, it was one of the best we’ve had(other then the years my kids were here, to go with) and we even ended up spending the night at my sisters. It is very rare that my 3 sisters and I and our husbands are all together for a whole night. I am happy for the time I had with my sisters and their husbands.

We finally got our house cleaned which makes me VERY happy. Pre-injury, keeping up with my house was not a problem. Post injury, it is a daily battle. I have to pick and choose what I do. On some days I can barely keep up with work and taking care of the little’s, let alone sweeping a floor or cleaning a bathroom. I am thankful and happy to have a husband who doesn’t complain and picks up the slack a lot. He works long hours out in the cold and still does a lot around here. I am happy to have a clean house but the little people are even more happy because that meant decorating the Christmas tree.

One happy little man…

Plus one happy little lady…

 

Equals 2 happy little rascals…

And one decorated tree!

I am happy that in spite of the freezing cold temperatures, our vehicles started all week. Yesterday as I left for work and seen that it was –13 I was very thankful that we no longer travel by horse and buggy. I am happy to live in shelter with heat that keeps us warm in the cold. I am happy that my husband who works in and out of this cold every day, is kept safe and never complains about it.

I am happy for the snow and that when it warms up a bit we can play in it. I am happy that every time it snows, the little’s cheer with shouts of glee.

I am happy that I finished my family photo calendar and have it ordered. It is one of the few gifts I give each of the kids and something they look forward to each year.

I am happy that I have children that are not focused on the commercialism of Christmas and that all of them have told me to NOT buy them anything(they say this every single year)and that instead to spend the money on helping someone else that needs it more. Except, they have asked for the family calendar and some more recipe pages to add to the cookbooks I made for them a few years ago and my son wants to know if I could try sending him some of my hummus and granola. I am happy that I have children so easy to please. I am happy that above all else, I have children that are happy.

I am extremely happy because I just found out that this little guy…

is going to be coming to my house this next Monday!!!!! And he gets to stay until the following Sunday! This Grandma has been doing the happy dance ever since she heard the news.

Let me tell you, this is one happy, sweet little boy. He is a rascal and yes, I will be chasing 3 rascals around but I sure will be happy! The little’s can hardly wait until he comes. Oh the trouble they will get into together. I will just be so happy to hug and kiss him.

I am happy that there have been Christmas shows on this morning to keep the little people laying down resting.

I am happy that I am here with my little’s and that they are feeling better. I am happy that they don’t get sick very often and that when they do I am able to take care of them. I am happy that it doesn’t take much to make them happy and that they are happy just being with me.

Last but not least, I am happy about all the people I see and hear about,doing wonderful acts of kindness and reaching out. Nothing makes me more happy then seeing people reaching out to one another. This warms my heart and brings tears to my eye’s.

I am so happy to see and hear of the true meaning of Christmas being displayed by so many. Now that’s something to be happy about!!!

Just doing this post reminds me of all that I have to be happy about.

I found my happy!

Tell me, what makes you happy today?

If you don’t know, are you willing to go look for your happy? 

Happy Friday and happy weekend to you and yours!

Cheers! Cheers to you! And you!

Love & Hugs, Lori

It’s Time For Happy Hour

It’s time for…

Created by Wizard of Otin & RxBambi.

Which means, it’s time for me to list what

I am  about…

I am happy that I survived this tough week.

I am happy that I don’t have to see or talk to nasty work comp lawyers very often.

I am happy for hot black coffee in the mornings.

I am happy that I didn’t freak out this morning when I discovered the big fat mess the little’s had made, while I was in the shower.

I am happy that my son was willing to still come here and babysit all day today so that I could go to work. I am happy that my house was still in tact  and all 3 were still smiling, when I got home. I am happy that since he is laid off in the winters and could have been out hunting, that he took the time to help us out. I am even more happy for the great person my son is.

I am happy that when we have our family Christmas party with my side of the family tomorrow, that we don’t exchange any gifts and just have a fun time of eating and playing games.

I am happy that I have great sisters. I am happy that one of them has a birthday today and that we can celebrate her life and all that she brings to this world. I am happy that she plays Grandma to our little people.

I am happy that I stomached and actually enjoyed watching Christmas shows with the little’s every single night this week. Hell, what’s there not to like about Rudolph and The Grinch? I am happy for the break from Stuart Little.

I am happy that the “naughties”, that have been visiting our house or I should say moved into our house the past few weeks, are starting to realize they are not welcome in our house and taking their leave…and are just back to visiting once in a while, like they did this morning.

I am happy that we are putting our tree up on Sunday. Which means the little’s will stop asking to do this and be extremely happy! Which also means my house will get cleaned(because I refuse put up the tree and decorate until the house is cleaned well) and that will make me VERY happy.

I am happy that in one month Christmas will be over and one month closer to spring.

I am happy for the sweet smiles that greet me every single morning. I am happy for the conversations I have with the little’s, that make me smile and remember the wonder of a child’s mind.

I am happy that in doing this post, I realize how much I am happy about.

I am happy it’s Friday! Are you?

Happy Friday. Happy Weekend.

Love & Hugs, Lori

 

                 

Smile

My children that live in Northern and Southern Florida got together to celebrate Thanksgiving. My daughters took pictures of my grandchildren and I just had to share these with you.

Whenever I see these smiling faces, I cannot help but smile…

He is 2  1/2. He calls and talks to me frequently but most of the time he sings to me…

He loves to sing and dance…

…and tells me he is coming to my house so that we can run and chase each other…he gets so excited as he jumps up and down at the idea of seeing me that he drops the phone.

As much as he loves to sing and dance, he is all boy.

As much as he is all boy, I see my daughter in him.

When he says, “Love you Gramma. Love you to the moon and back.”in his little sweet voice, my heart melts.

He, literally turns my heart to mush.

This is my 10 1/2 year old granddaughter…

She is a such a joy to me and even though she has now lived away for 7 years, we have remained close. She used to sing to me on the phone, and although she will occasionally sing a song we mainly just talk about girl stuff. It’s so fun!

I look at her and I see my daughter.

The relationship I get to have with her is a gift that keeps on giving to me.

She is sweetness magnified.

My heart still stops when she says, “I love you to the moon and back Grandma. Love you bigger then the universe….”

Back in the day, when they were home for Christmas,(before my husband), when I couldn’t afford a Christmas tree, she would paint a Christmas tree on a large sheet of paper, on my wall, just so I could have a tree. I still have these tree’s tucked away. :)

I couldn’t afford to buy presents for anyone, and she would offer to give me some of hers to give away. Since I wouldn’t accept these, she would wrap up some of her little things and give them to me. Isn’t that the sweetest?

Oh what I would give to have her come and paint a tree upon my wall.

Both of them love to hug and kiss.

Oh what I would give for one of their kisses. Or hugs.

Every single time I hear “Grandma” come out of their mouths, I am honored.

Any day, that I get to talk to either one of them, makes my day.

What I love most about being a Grandma is that they remind me of what is most important in life. (And it helps that they think I’m the greatest. :)

Some people dread being older and being called Grandma or Grandpa. I love it. I think it’s an honor and a blessing.

They make me forget all that is wrong and to remember all that is right.

There is nothing like a grandchild's love.

Nothing.

See how they make me smile?

 

See how much joy they bring me?

If I could bottle up all this goodness, I would.  If I could, I would wrap up a bottle and send it to anyone in need of this kind of love.

Conversation with my granddaughter while laying in bed late one night, a couple of years ago….

”Grandma, did you know that you and God are a lot alike.”

“No…how so?”

“Both of you see the good in me and love me just the way I am.”

“Oh honey, I am far from being like God.”

“To me, you are perfect Grandma. Cause you love me perfectly and that feels really really good.”

Even though I am far from being like God, I have never forgotten how this conversation blessed my heart that one dark night.

Just thinking about this makes me smile.

What makes you smile? What brings joy to your life?

Love & Hugs, Lori

Spreading Holiday Cheer…NOT

If you love everything Christmas, this might not be a post you want to read. I understand, if you just click away from here while I have my vent.

*Disclaimer…if you are still here reading, keep in mind, that these are just my personal feelings. I do NOT think I am better than those of you that love Christmas.

Christmas is my least favorite time of year. Before anyone wigs out on me about not liking all these holidays, let me just make it clear that it’s not that I don’t celebrate the birth of Christ. I do. It doesn’t mean that I am against having fun & celebrating. It doesn’t mean that I am against gift giving and all things red, green and white.

It just happens that Christmas red & green are my least favorite colors and I don’t really care for most Christmas music and I like Christmas sweaters even less. I actually don’t like a lot of the Christmas baked goods but I like enough of the other stuff to make me not like the extra pounds.

And I could say it’s because I have a hard time, with my children and grandchildren being far away and not able to come home. Bottom line is, I miss them and there is no way around it.

But, it’s really not these things that make me not like it.

What it comes down to is this…I don’t like the commercialism that rules from October until January. Even before Halloween, Christmas decorations are out. The commercials on TV are pushing to buy, buy, buy!!!! I heard Christmas music playing in Walmart before Halloween for goodness sakes. Are you flippin kidding me? We ran into the mall a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving and already the mall Santa and Mrs. Clause had a long line of children waiting to see them. Thanksgiving barely gets recognized, and we are blasted into red, green and white.

I don’t like this big fat crazy whirlwind of commercialism. The pressure on the stores to sell. The push to buy. The bigger the better. The pressure to spend money we don’t really have or money we should be saving. Pressure we put on ourselves or let others put on us. The push for all of this to come earlier and earlier. It used to be that Santa didn’t come out until after Thanksgiving.  The focus used to be on family and friends and each person getting a gift or two.

Not anymore.

I want. I want. I want. I want. I want. The selfishness that is bred to want more and more…and bigger…to expect more and more and bigger.

Where does it stop? 

I know I sound like a poop on the fun parade. I know it’s fun to give. Hell, I love to give presents, so it’s not about that. The thing is, most of us that are going to be getting gifts already have too much stuff already.Most of us, will buy things for those that already have too much stuff.  

Christmas is suppose to be about “peace and goodwill towards men” and about joy and caring and spreading the holiday cheer.

For many of us, it’s suppose to be celebrating the birth of Christ.

When I am out and about in the stores, I don’t see the spreading of peace and goodwill towards men. I don’t see all that much joy. And I certainly don’t see a whole lot of holiday cheer being spread.  I surely don’t see Christ in the pushing and shoving.

Instead, I see sadness. I see confusion. I see rudeness. I see meanness.  I see anger. I see lots and lots of selfishness. I see people pushing each other and hear of people getting hurt, fighting over a toy or some sale item. I see a lot of overwhelmed people that  don’t want to be there, spending money they don’t really have but don’t have a clue how to step off this crazy train.

I personally think, this must make Jesus sad.

While shopping for household things the other day, I over heard a woman scream humiliations at her husband. I listened to people talk loud and rudely on their cell phones. I witnessed parents trying to get out of control kids to behave. I watched an elderly couple get pushed out of line.  The worst was over hearing  a younger mom tell her friend that they wouldn’t be having Christmas because they have no money. Hearing the defeat and sadness in her voice broke my heart. I watch all these things while listening to Christmas music playing in the background.

And yes, I think this make Jesus sad.

It is hard for me to get into the spirit of Christmas joy when I see so much sadness and brokenness around me.

I know those that barely make it without the added expense of buying presents. I know those going without and I know their desperate prayers for these holidays to pass quickly so that it will be all over. These people know that they will have disappointed children come Christmas morning. And then there are those that have completely given up.

I know those that are physically sick and hurting and are feeling so discouraged that they are wanting to give up living. I know someone that is in fear of losing her business because she has been out of work, hurt, due to a car accident. She fears losing her livelihood. 

I know someone going through a divorce from the love of her life of over 14 years because he left her for a girlfriend. Who now has to work 2 jobs in order to keep her house and feed her 2 sons. The only reason they have a tree is because they already had one. She cannot buy any gifts and she feels horrible about this.

I know someone that lost her father a couple of months ago and her grief is overwhelming.

I know 3 people that have lost their long time family pets and are grieving  their loss and now one more that has a dog with cancer and cannot afford to do everything needed for her.

I know people that have lost jobs and can’t find another. I know people that are losing their homes because they can’t afford them due to divorce, a job loss or their health.

I know people that are lonely and suffering from depression and they just want to talk.

Such sadness. And this is just the people I know. I know there are so many others, even worse off. It’s hard to be joyful about Christmas when all of this surrounds me.

It’s hard to be happy about a birthday party when everyone’s not invited.

In trying to not let all of this get to me and take away all that is good…because believe me, there is good out there too….I am focusing on what I can do right now, with what I have.

I want our little people to grow up learning about the true meaning of Christmas but I don’t want them growing up with a total scrooge for a mom either.

In order to have balance and create some peace and joy during this season, I am vowing to avoid the stores as much as possible…to not spend money we really don’t have…to pray more and complain about Christmas less…to focus on what we do have instead of on what we don’t have… to do as many “acts” of kindness as possible…and to notice these acts from others.

I want us to have fun but not at the expense of someone else. I want the little ones to know the joy of giving. I want their memories to be of fun family times…whether it be decorating the tree and sitting in the dark looking at the lights lit up, or talking about Jesus' birthday and Santa, … turning on the lights outside each night…watching Christmas programs while cuddling together…going for a drive and eating popcorn while looking at the lights at night…making cookies and special crafts…playing in the snow…and playing secret Santa to someone in need…and yes, even singing Christmas songs with the little people…lol.

I am trying not be like him…

Or him…

Really I’m not!!!!

LOL

Love & Hugs, Lori

 

Lesson’s In Waiting Rooms

If you have spent any amount of time sitting in a waiting room then you know what a wide range of  people you may come across. Of course you come across those who think the world revolves around them and expect to be treated as such.

Then there are those that are “talkers” and want to visit. And lets not forget about those that discuss complain loudly(and to no one in particular)about their medical symptoms and ailments.  If you sit there long enough, which is often the case, you can be witness to some pretty odd  or interesting behavior…and if your paying attention,learn a thing or two.

With all the years of raising my children and taking them to the doctor and since my injury 7 years ago, I have spent a good amount of time in waiting rooms. Seriously, I think I could write a book about all the lesson’s I’ve learned just by observing people, while waiting for an appointment.

On one of my recent visit’s to urgent care, with a friend, which meant a long wait in the waiting room, A disheveled man of about 45 or so, sat down near me. After removing his winter coat that smelled like cigarette smoke,  it revealed dirty torn sweats. His shirt barely fit over his stomach. His shoes were torn and he wore no socks.

His head full of hair and long beard were un kept. It was hard not to stare because he looked a mess. He looked like he must be homeless. And he smelled like it too. I felt very sorry for him and immediately wanted to take him home, let him use my shower or bath tub to clean up, give him some clean clothes to put on afterwards and serve him a hot meal. He was carrying a plastic grocery bag with him. I pondered what he was carrying around with him.

I didn’t have to ponder long, because soon after he pulled out a brush and began to brush his longish hair and then his long beard…and then his arms, his legs, and then his stomach. He was oblivious to the packed waiting room watching him. I silently prayed for him not just because it seemed he must be homeless but may have some mental issues as well.

He had a very bad cough and runny nose, to which he did not bother to cover. After about 5 minutes he went up to the desk to complain about the long wait. I kept praying that they would take him back to a room because whatever he had, he was spreading to all of us near him. He kept getting up out of his chair and pacing and going up to the desk to complain about the wait. Every time he got up, he lost his chair to someone coming into the waiting area.

He would return, find a new chair, pull out his brush and go through the process of brushing himself once again. All the while coughing and sneezing all over the place. He would talk very loudly to whoever was sitting near him but most did not respond to him. Yes, all attention was on this man and for a time he was amusing to watch.

After the entire room was full, he must have realized that if he got up again, he would most likely lose his chair and have no where to sit. So, he stayed put. Right next to me. And never moved again.

An elderly lady was sitting down across from us and she too must have felt sorry for him because she began to talk to him about this second hand store that gave free clothes to those in need. Well, he was clearly not interested in the second hand store. He pulled out his big wallet that was almost completely taped together with duct tape, shook it at her and told her that he had money. She ignored him and went on to tell him that they could also give him a new wallet. To which, he made really clear to all that would listen, that his wallet was just fine the way it was. It was obvious that he was not happy with all of her suggestions, concerns and help she wanted to give him.

This did not stop her from continuing on with him. And since I was sitting across from her and next to him, she addressed me, along with him. Did she think I was with him?  Or did she want me to get involved too? Since I was sitting next to him, he chose to talk directly to me, even though he was actually talking to her. Both of them were trying to pull me into their conversation, that I wanted no part in. All I wanted to do was to be left out of it and to just pray for him. 

He asked me if I wanted to see his money to which I politely said “No, you should put that back in your coat.”. At this point I am ready to get out of my chair and go stand outside to wait for my friend. Just for the fact that I had just been sick for 2 weeks myself and was still not feeling 100% and now I had 2 people coughing and breathing their germs on me, not to mention the packed waiting room. I did not want to get infected again. But, I didn’t want to be rude either and I truly felt bad for this man.

This elderly woman did not stop talking to us. I swear to god that I must have some sort of radar on my head that say’s “Come sit and  talk to me, I will listen.” Now I love elderly people. I really do. And she was a sweet woman. But, she was annoying the crap out of this man with her nosiness. I know she meant well but he did not want her help.

I could sense his anger building the longer she talked. And the more she talked, the more bizarre behaviors came out of him. I don’t know how to describe it except to say he started making these weird sounds which only drew more attention from everyone. I wasn’t scared as I sensed he was harmless. But, I didn’t want his anger to escalate to the point of striking out at this woman either.

At this point I considered going up to the desk and asking if they could take this gentlemen to one of the rooms and have the doctor see him soon. Instead, I continued playing the peace keeper between these two individuals at odds with each other.

She was asking him if he had a place to stay that night, when he had had enough of her questioning and prying into his business. He pulled out his taped up wallet and opened it up. I gasped as I seen that it was FULL of money. He had a very large wad of money on him. As he flashed his money in the air, I seen that it was a large sum of money at that. Blew me away. I quickly told him to put his money away and that he shouldn’t be going around showing people his money like that. And thankfully he put it away. When the lady seen all this money, I thought she was going to pee in her pants.

Of course, she was openly curious about where he got all of his money and why he was carrying that much money around with him. Good lord. Instead of answering her, he started brushing himself again. At this point I just wanted her to be quiet and for him to quit brushing himself.

Thankfully 5 minutes later, they called his name. When he got up, he pulled out his wallet, opened it up, pulled out a hundred dollar bill and tried handing it to me. I refused to take it and told him that he needed to be careful with his money. Once he put it away, he reached out his hand to me. As I shook his hand, he looked into my eyes and I swear to God,  for a moment I seen clarity in his eyes. I stared after him as he walked away and as he turned the corner, he looked at me and nodded.

The waiting room had grown quite quiet as they observed our interaction. I swear to god it seemed like the entire waiting room had all turned and looked at me. I didn’t know what to say or do so I just smiled. The elderly woman looked at me and declared, “Well, I’ve never seen such a thing…” and on and on she went about this strange man.

Thankfully, a couple minutes later my time of having to sit in the waiting room was over.

It felt like I had just been in the twilight zone.

So bizarre. Who would have known? I had presumed that this man was homeless. That he had no money in that duct taped wallet of his. I presumed so many things about him because of his appearance. And his odd behavior. I really don’t have a clue as to what the truth is. My thoughts are still haunted by him so I pray for him. I pray that he is somewhere warm tonight. I pray that there is food in his stomach and love in his heart. I pray he is not alone in this life.

I’ve thought about this woman too. Bless her for wanting to help. Bless her that she cared enough to try reaching out to him when so many ignored him. Maybe, she was lonely and just needed to talk? Maybe she just wasn’t afraid to show she cares? I pray that she too, is not alone in this life.

This experience left me both thankful for all the people I have in my life and that I have not suffered from an illness that could put me on the street or unable to care for myself. I think of those that suffer from the ravages of mental illness and their loved one’s. I think of their silent suffering because so many of us, don’t understand.

I seek to understand and to care…and to reach out. 

I wonder if there was something more I could have or should have done? I wonder?

Love & Hugs, Lori